6 Ways to Encourage Your Spouse
June 26, 2007 by Bald Man
Filed under Relationships
Rumor has it I’m a bit of an encourager. So here are a few tips for encouraging your spouse off the top of my Bald Head:
- Nagging Is NOT Encouraging – Most of the time items in these sorts of lists aren’t in any particular order. While that is generally true of this list, it is not true of this item. If you remember only one tip, remember this one. Nagging is not the same as encouraging. Nagging is coercion; it’s about getting what you want out of your spouse. Encouraging is about helping your spouse achieve their goals.
- Learn Your Spouse – Not all people respond the same way to the same types of encouragement. Physical trainers are the classic example. Some people do really well with an in-your-face-drill-sergeant approach, one that dares them to get up and fight. Others don’t. Instead they need a positive voice that lifts their spirit helps them keep their eyes focused on the goal. Either is fine, but you need to know which works for your spouse.
- Ask, “How Can I Help?” – Generally I consider myself a pretty bright guy… at least bright enough to know there are things I don’t know. If you don’t know how to encourage your spouse, ask. Find out how you can best help him or her, and then follow that guidance! Don’t pick your own path; that’s just asking for trouble.
- Know When to Shut Up – As anyone who has taken on a difficult task knows, the road to success is usually marked with a series of short-term failures. Sometimes, your spouse doesn’t need to be spurred on or challenged or cheered. They just need to know that you love them in the midst of this failure whether or not they ever choose to continue on the path toward the goal. When is the right time to shut up? See Tips #2 and #3.
- Take Turns - Encouragement, like most aspects of relationship, is rooted in trust. Your spouse must trust you enough to believe what you are saying more than what she is telling herself. One way to get trust is to give trust. So, let your spouse have opportunities to encourage you, too. After all, you trust her, right?
- Celebrate Success – Whatever the milestones, celebrate the achievement. And when you reach the finish line of a big challenge, celebrate big. Not everyone likes to be made the center of attention is a big public display – though some do – but everyone deserves to have others share and magnify the joys of her accomplishment.
Good point.
I did have an experience calling my ex honey, darling or sweet heart, just other than the name that I usually called him, he felt so happy and keep calling me on his journey to another state, few times a day to just talk to me and really open up to share me more thing and willing to disccuss issue with me without getting into emotion than any other time.
it might seems not related to the encouragement, but it does help when you are connected to your spouse. The connection between you gives him the encouragement to do more.
Thanks,
Joanne
Great post Cory! One of those that spouses should print and frame on the fridge.
The one thing my husband and I have had such a difficult time with was realizing that just because we talk about things that are bothering us, doesn’t mean we want the other to fix it. Sometimes it’s just nice to talk.
Brilliant!
Thanks for the encouragement all!
Joanne,
Connection and encouragement absolutely go hand in hand. Encouragement is possible because your spouse believes your positive words more than they believe their own self-doubt. Connection builds trust, which makes that possible.
Gayla,
I’m going to guess that you and your hubby are both task-oriented people. Folks like us have to learn when to sit on our hands and not fix a problem.
That was a great post, Cory.
I’m glad my fiancée is an encourager like you. I’ll share this post with her.
Wow it realy showed me that i never imagined.from this day forth im gonna boost my other half.
That’s great Maria!