A b5 Adoptee Story

Today’s Guest Post is by Trench Reynolds, a writer here at b5 and Bad Breeders.  Trench immediately emailed me when he heard I was starting an adoption blog here at b5 and told me that he was an adoptee. I have been following him ever since. I admire his candor, his pure moral value, and beneath his words is true kindness.

I was born in the autumn of 1968. I was adopted shortly thereafter in March of the following year depending on who you talk to. My adoptive parents, now to be referred to as just my parents, told me that I was adopted shortly after my birth. However, my birth certificate is dated in March of 1969.

I’ve always known that I was adopted. My parents never made any bones about it. I can’t remember exactly how young I was when they first told me but I’ve always known. I think that’s always the best option for adopted children is to know as early as possible. My parents made up some story when I was little about how my biological parents died in a car crash. I might have bought into it if it wasn’t for the fact they claim it happened on the the day I was born. Mom never was a very good liar.

Today my dad has since passed away and my mom claims she never said that. So there has been some cover up about my biological parents. Of course my mind wanders sometimes about my biological parents. I wonder sometimes if my aunt is actually my mother but since she already had six kids I don’t think she gave me up for adoption to my mom because my parents couldn’t have kids. Or maybe I’m actually the lost heir to a vast oil fortune. I think all adoptees chuckle about that one every once in a while.

Growing up knowing I was adopted was no big deal. The one question that people ask me even to this day is do I ever want to find my ‘real parents’. Never use the phrase ‘real parents’ with adoptees. The people who adopted me are my real parents since they’re the only ones I know. But to answer your question, no I’ve never really had the desire to find my biological parents. I’m incredibly thankful for doing what they did but I think the negatives outweigh the positives for me.

I think my mom would be heartbroken if I ever went to look for my biological parents. Out of respect for her I would never do that. With some people you hear these great stories about people finding their biological parents but sometimes you also hear very grim stories about it. Some biological parents don’t wish to be found and take great lengths to ensure that they’re not. Also in some stories the biological parents turn out to be not the greatest people in the world.

I’ve been sort of an adoptee magnet through my life too. One of my first girlfriends was an adoptee. Another girlfriend of mine had an adopted brother who didn’t know he was adopted. Most importantly my wife is also an adoptee. She was born 9 months and a week before me. We joke around how it could be possible that we’re actually brother and sister. Except that we look nothing alike and were born a thousand miles apart.

Being an adoptee has also shaped other aspects of my life. It’s no secret that I’m a Republican. That’s mostly because of the Republican stance on abortion. I am pro-life not because of religion but because if abortion was legal back in 1968 I might not be here today to tell you my story. It’s also part of why I blog about crime. Nothing boils my blood more than reading a story about foster or adoptive parents who abuse their kids so they can cheat the system. While I’, not militant about adoption it does cause me to have some unpopular opinions as well. I feel that couples that get in-vitro fertilization or the women who take scores of fertility drugs are selfish. Instead of spending all this money trying to conceive their own children they could adopt. I also think that not enough people who do adopt are adopting minority children. A lot of people on both sides of the argument say that’s not good for the child and I disagree. I would think that a racially mixed home is better than no home at all. Another point I’d like to make is that there needs to be incentives for people to adopt in the U.S. The entire adoption process needs to be redone here. Too many people are going out of the country to adopt which is fine but there are plenty of kids to adopt here at home. At the same time there needs to be a better screening process to weed out the ‘parents’ who are just in it for a buck. I wish I had the answer to both. If I did I’d be running for public office.

So there you have it. A look into the mind of just one adoptee. If you’d like to discuss this further you can leave a comment below or you could
e-mail me directly at mail@thetrenchcoat.com. Thanks to Marcie for allowing me to tell my story.