While I mostly “pass” for NT, small talk and “schmoozing” is not my thing, and that makes parties very difficult for me. I also have a hard time initiating social interactions, so I generally hang out on the sidelines until someone drags me into the thick of things. Meanwhile, I have some pretty definite personal space issues that make crowds not fun. Add to that being a picky eater, and you can see where this is going.

I stopped having my own parties as soon as I could convince people I didn’t want one; rather, my family developed a tradition of a “birthday dinner” that I could invite one friend to.

I’m not saying that friends aren’t important, or that birthday party invitations aren’t something a child would like, or even that all people on the autism spectrum dislike them — and I’m certainly not trying to minimize your feelings about them…I’m just pointing out that it might not be bothering your kids.

Maybe a bike ride with a neighbor or classmate (or, even, in Charlie’s case, someone maybe training for a bike race that would enjoy Charlie’s long bike rides could be a good “big brother” type of pal for him) would be good.

I hope that you’re right that increased focus on ASD will facilitate understanding and awareness. I think so, at least. I have been doing research here lately in disability studies (I suppose as a therapeutic way to deal with my son’s diagnosis) and I think the Humanistic approach to disability (like those found on this blog) that contradicts the medical model of disability that monopolizes our media offers the counter-statement that you discuss. There’s more to the “human experience” or “human condition” than what can be summed up in a medical chart. The “human experience” is more than just our collective bodily functions.

And, to support your point, 75% of the human population will experience some form of disability in some point in their lives. There isn’t a “normal” body or “normal” brain that is tainted or flawed by disabilities. The reality is that most of us just aren’t disabled…yet.

Off topic–Send me your email address and I’ll send you a birthday invitation. We’re having a party at the end of this month and if you’re ever in Texas, your son is officially invited. Charlie is, too, Kristina.

Having seen and almost gagged on the sheer physicality of the prejudice that people with disabilities of any stripe are exposed to has made me vigilant in my belief that everyone has value, not just the pretty, slender, bright, articulate people. It can be taken away at any time. (strokes, Alzheimers, dementia, riding accidents, etc. etc.)
Perhaps the focus on ‘autism spectrum disorders’, whether an epidemic or not, will usher in a new way of thinking that is a little more tolerant than now.

I often look at the smug ‘professionals’ in charge of making decisions that pidgeon hole children, adolescents, and adults with disabilities and think ‘what if you were suddenly unable to communicate? How would you wish to be treated?’

Okay, cue the words to the Declaration of Independence….:)

In regard to prenatal testing for disabilities as a means of modern eugenics:

“[W]e cannot predict or, more precisely, control in advance such equivocal human states as happiness, suffering, or success. Neither is any amount of prenatal engineering going to produce the life that any of us desire and value. Indeed, both hubris and a lack of imagination characterize the prejudicial and reductive assumption that having a disability ruins lives. A vague notion of suffering and its potential deterrence drives much of the logic of elimination that rationalizes selective abortion (Kittay 2000). Life changes and quality are simply far too contingent to justify prenatal prediction.”