A Change For The Worse?
August 19, 2008 by Mark
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
After you’ve had the magnificent opportunity to have been a satisfied customer of Alcoholics Anonymous for some time you gather what is called “experience.” With that experience along with the Twelve Steps, there also comes a moment now and then when you “intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us.”
One such moment occurred in the last day or so when I “listened” to a fellow alcoholic share in a general way and use words that offer someone whose seen them before, some intuitive insight that this person wasn’t quite right emotionally.
Not knowing definitively that she wasn’t right presented the requirement that a question be asked and it was. The reason the question was asked was stated. The question was asked in a manner which was hoped to be understood. In the realities of life, it wasn’t received well. Actually understandable because the consideration was on target.
I won’t go into any more details. What transpired after this is what wasn’t understandable. That was the judgment without evidence that too many people offered up as defense for someone who didn’t need it. The vilification of another good person simply because a few folks couldn’t be bothered with taking the time to read what had been asked or take the time to understand or lacked the insight.
Sad.
Since when did it become the wrong thing to do to ask someone whether they were okay or not? That is what your comments after the fact did – made it some level of sin to have asked if another alkie was all right or having a problem.
It is my opinion, FWIW, that there are a number of people that might want to give serious consideration to speaking with their sponsors – soon! It is also my opinion that if this is some kind of change in the program of recovery – it sucks and eventually will kill someone!
Have a good evening and please stay sober…
Your perhaps not wanting to reveal who is who (perfectly understandable and appropriate, to be sure) left me a little confused as to what transpired here. My experience has taught me (if I was following correctly) that is perhaps best to talk to someone after the meeting if I have something personal to say about their behavior, their sense of unease, or such things. Especially if it is quite specific to that person and what I know about them, rather than simply sharing in a general way about my reflections on something they shared in the meeting.
This is not always true – like when someone is disrupting a meeting I will speak up and out – but I tend to follow the path of talking to someone afterwards more times than not anymore. Even if the person I need to reach out to is receptive to hearing what I have to say in the context of the group, it may make others uncomfortable. This seems to be what happened in your example. The other thing is that the other person may be having trouble and would not be comfortable saying so in front of the group. One-on-one can provide a better chance to talk more freely.
Just my few pennies worth.
Hi Mark….sure have missed you (everyone). Just finished catching up w/your blog. Wow!
Once again I missed the fray. Ummm, hopefully you didn’t ask her if it’s that TOM. Tee Hee.
Seriously, that sort of crap really messes w/my head. Sadly I take some solace in knowing that it messes w/yours too. Given the choice of Programs, I’ll take Bill’s too thank you very much.
luv.
s.
Hey s.! Where have you been??? lol – Sorry, had already been to lunch with JP the other day when you called (?). We’ll have to try it again someday soon…
Gonna see ya’ at a meeting???
Dave,
Thanks. Actually this one was online at another friend’s Blog. I’d rather not get into it but I have received an apology from the right person and one from one of the other participants. Sadly, there are a few who apparently still think with alcoholic minds but there isn’t anything I can do about that.
It was certainly a reminder!