A Cold Walk, Hands Free (For the Most Part)

A couple of years ago, I stopped holding Charlie’s hand on our regular walks around the neighborhood. He was starting to let go more and more, to pull away when he wanted to walk on the grass or stop to examine a crack in the pavement. At first, this seemed like not the best turn of events. How was I to stop Charlie when we came to an intersection? What if he started running away?

At first, I made a point of walking reallyclose and our walks were a bit nerve-wracking, for me at least. And I realized that, for me, the first thing I had to work on was my nerves: I had to stay calm and carry on. Charlie doesn’t talk a lot (in words, that is) but he certainly understands a great, great deal of what he hears, and picks up a lot of non-verbal communication; it’s long been evident that he can sense when we’re mad, or upset, or anxious, or obsessing. And if I broadcast “anxious vibes” when he was walking “hands free,” Charlie would, more often than not, start running.

So we slowly learned to walk together on the sidewalk. Jim and I made rather a big show of stopping when the sidewalk ended and tried to get Charlie to look both ways to see cars coming. It was hard to gauge how much Charlie was understanding when we explained the dangers of cars (and of running into the street). His teachers have worked on crossing the street but the many bike rides that Jim has taken Charlie on in the streets (yes, it’s been hair-raising, on occasion) have been how Charlie, slowly and over time, has learned to watch for cars and to stop at the intersections.

In fact, when Charlie sees a car in the street, he stops, even if the car is not moving.

(If we’re at a busy intersection, we still hold Charlie’s arm or the back of his coat—-you just never know.)

I hadn’t thought of it those many afternoons that Charlie and I walked together up and down suburban New Jersey streets, and that Jim held Charlie’s shoulder and directed him to “squeeze brakes” at the stop signs—-but teaching Charlie to walk beside us, “hands free,” has been an essential skill and has made possible one of our favorite things to do altogether as a threesome, long walks.

It was super freezing cold Sunday afternoon. We all donned various layers (Charlie has taken to wearing a blue fleece-lined hoodie and a parka over it) and went to see the tree at Rockefeller Plaza. That meant walking down Kennedy Boulevard in Jersey City to get to the Journal Square PATH train and a long ride all the way to 33rd Street in Manhattan (it was warm, and there was time to half-snooze) and then down 5th Avenue to the tree. It was less mobbed than it has been in previous years (it was that cold) and we even got a fast glance at the skaters. Charlie craned his neck to glance at some of the shop windows at Saks Fifth Avenue (one with snowflakes riding in the swings—-like the ones at an amusement park—-especially caught his eye). Then back on the subway to Hoboken and a walk up from the waterfront to Washington Street for a hamburger (for Charlie) and then, with Charlie running and singing happily, hurrying back to the PATH station, a Boreas-like wind at our backs. And then back down Kennedy Boulevard.

And you know—on the last two legs of the trip, Charlie held Jim’s hand or my arm and shoulder. Not too tightly, and with a smile.

And then he’d run ahead, both hands tucked under his two hoods, and over his ears, and I could see him up ahead when he stopped at the sidewalk’s edge, waiting.