A No Good, Very Bad Summer
July 28, 2009 by Michelle Smith
Filed under Relationships
I have had a bit of trouble writing relationships this Summer. My daughter, Bailey, my oldest girl at 17, has had a really tough time. It’s been very hard to watch her struggle, to watch her go through so much pain.
However, it appears that things are looking up for her. I can’t fix what happened to her this Summer. I can’t make it hurt less, but I can encourage her about the future, which is what I hope I’ve been doing.
Yesterday, on her birthday, her father called her. She had not spoken to him in a couple of years. In fact, she was saying something angry about him just the other day, but today she feels that hearing from him was the best gift she recieved.
I didn’t talk to him, but if i did, I’d like to tell him that it’s not too late. That his kids are going to love him no matter what and they really don’t put a lot of weight on what sort of job he has or where he is living. They love him just because he’s Dad. He and his wife are getting a divorce and he’s pretty broken up about it. They’ve been together for almost all of Bailey’s life and she loves her stepmother very much.
I used to feel angry with my ex-husband. We had a bad breakup and then we went a few years with this crazy back and forth stuff. I let go of that anger a long time ago. When you hate someone or hold onto negative feelings, it hurts you. It doesn’t hurt them.
Today I came to the same conclusion about my last ex, the boyfriend before the one I have now. I don’t want to hate him anymore. I don’t want to feel anger. He is a big part of my past and I’d like to be able to remember him with good feelings someday.
I sent him an email today saying basically “Okay, I’m over it.” He probably read it and thought, “big deal,” but the reason I did it was for me. I want to feel okay and peaceful and happy and holding onto that anger was not good for me. Sometimes it caused problems with my other relationships. He and my boyfriend are old friends. I was afraid that I made that friendship awkward.
The growing up process, it never ends. People come and go, circumstances change and for me the best way to live is with an open mind and heart. That’s what I try to do anyway, but I have to admit, sometimes I’m still a spiteful bitch. Oh well. Tomorrow is another chance to get it right.
Image credit: Michelle Smith
You said it! We continue to grow…always. I’m always thankful for the new days to do better than the day before.
Thanks, Leah. I hope I never stop growing.
I hope you are doing well and can be at peace- if only so things go better for your current beau… my boss is working on this with me and he says sometimes you have to let them out of the penalty box in order to realize it’s really yourself that’s been trapped there and held down in the box all along. It has helped me deal with old skeletons that i didn’t think deserved to be ‘dealt’ with, to realize that I was the only one who was truly benefitting!
Hi Julie, I didn’t see your comment until today.
I do feel much better, thanks. I’m not built for grudges and they tend to eat away at me. I hate that uncomfortable regret and guilt feeling that come with them. I will never be cool with what he did, but it’s not my burden to carry, that’s his job and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t let himself off the hook too easily.
I hope you are finding peace, as well. Old skeletons can be exhausting.