A Traditional Family?
With a dad staying home to watch the children, and the mother off to work paying the bills, sometimes in the household you can feel a bit back-asswards. Growing up in a society that is so accustomed to dads being the sole financial provider it can really mess things up if you aren’t prepared for the situation. In fact, my wife and I are very traditional type people. We want lots of kids, we sit down at the dinner table every night to eat our well thought out balanced diet, and we discipline our children, but there is one major difference and that is I stay home and she goes to work.
Our current family situation is similar to the one I read in the Washington Post.
My husband and I have a very traditional relationship except for one thing…our roles have been switched. It wasn’t always that way. When we married 12 years ago we were both making the same amount of money. He had his own business in a creative field and I had a job I really enjoyed working in finance. A few years and a couple of kids later we decided that it made sense for him to stay at home. I know that there are many people who can’t afford to have a parent stay at home with their kids, and we’re fortunate to be in the position we are in.
There is no doubt that I feel fortunate, but there is one thing I think doesn’t match up with me written in this article.
Our roles are NOT switched. She doesn’t do all the men stuff and I don’t do all the women stuff. In fact, they sort of overlap. The best way to explain it is that when we come back together as a family we slide back into our traditional roles. I drive on family road trips, she cooks on the weekends, I take out the trash and mow the lawn. I stack the firewood. She sews on buttons. The thing that is different is she heads off to her day job and I mope around the house getting the kids ready for school in the morning. Then I have my coffee, jump on the computer, read to the kids, make lunch, take them to the park, and do all the stuff you need to do to raise your children the best way you know how.
But when I do it I don’t act like a mom. I am just dad with the kids, but all week.
The following exerpt helps describe how things can get awkward, especially when dealing with other families:
Here’s the rub: People don’t know how to relate to us. My husband first encountered this when my eldest son started preschool. The moms bonded discussing childbirth as he stood on the outskirts with no real peer group.
It is much easier for women to find other women in the work place. It is quite normal these days to find both men and women working equally, but it is almost impossible to find other dads who stay home in your immediate surroundings. I can jump online and find them half way across the country but there aren’t many dads hanging out at the park midweek.
I am sure there are fortunate dads who stay home to find others in their area doing the same thing. Are you one of them?
Hey Steve. Welcome to b5. I enjoyed your post. My husband says “bass-ackwards” though.
I’ve met a few stay-at-home dads and they’re just regular guys whose wives go to work while they take care of the kids. There’s no sissyness (sp?) about it. I think it’s great that there are men out there willing to step up to the responsibility of raising kids when the wife can’t be there. You have definitely put your kids above worrying what others will think about you. I’m sure your wife loves you more for it and your kids will treasure the memories someday.
Karen, thanks for the big welcome. I think you narrowed it down to one word, “responsibility”.
I say bass-ackwards too, I am not sure why I wrote it that way haha…
I was going to ask about the bass-ackwards and back-asswards thing too. Thought I was embarrassing myself saying it wrong all these years. LOL
There are several dads at my son’s school who do their part in picking up or dropping off the kids at school and even going to the park with them afterwards. Maybe someday I’ll cease to notice because it’ll be so common to have an even mix. Not yet, though.
Hsien, I think it is me who is embarrassing myself
I do notice dads who pick their kids up at school but still work, just have the opportunity and moment to pick them up. Ever since I became a SAHD 3 years ago whenever I see another dad with their kid I say, “oh you stay home with the kid?” 99% of the time they look at me like I have 3 heads… because they don’t and probably wonder how I jumped to that conclusion…
Bet you backasswards turns out to be your most popular search term for a while. hahahaa
The many definitions of parents and the many permutations of work for pay combined with family responsibilities just reminds me of how pointless it is to divide us into categories. But hey, why not. It makes life so much more combative and fun.
I think I coined a new term… haha
Combative and fun is healthy, I think.