AA Has Changed!
January 20, 2007 by Mark
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
Don H. died a few years back with, I believe, 55+ years sober. I can’t remember whether he was a member of the Mather memorial Sat. morning group or not, but he’d come to the Mt. Sinai morning meetings a lot. Don was a big, hulking man with a deep, gruff tone to his voice. I’ll never forget the meeting where he shared in the first half that “all you guys that are divorced are losers.” He certainly got my goat to the extent that after the smoke break, when I could, I stared across the room at him, and sternly shared at his face that I was divorced and I’m no damn loser! After the meeting he came to me outside and told me “now you’ve got it.”
In response to those who have been kind enough to add to this conversation, I’d like to relate something else that Don used to say. Often…
He’d tell us how he was sponsored and taught recovery by many of the first 100 members of AA because he’d been around that long and got sober in the city. Then he’d say that “AA has changed.” We usually thought something like “Oh heck, here he goes again.” Don made this a habit and today I know why.
He’d say “AA has changed. It used to be that if you shared a problem in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, once you finished sharing you’d shut up and wait for your answer. Nowadays, newcomers are sharing their problems in the rooms and then they get up and go outside and have a cigarette. They don’t wait for the answer.” He also said something I found very, very meaningful to me. In the same talk, he’d say “I wouldn’t mind if you shared about your problems if you’d also tell me what the hell you were going to do about them.”
I pray that I never enter a state of mind where I no longer believe that if someone with the disease of alcoholism can make it over 55 years without a drink, and are passing this legacy on the way they were taught when it truly, truly worked, they aren’t worth respecting and paying attention to. Not only that, but if I grow up someday and I’m just like Don H. and I piss you off, so be it. I can’t imagine a better example to follow.
Thank you Don H.!
Jeez, wouldst that it were just the newcomers who “share” then get up and leave…Beginners at least aren’t thinking clearly. Those that get me are the vets who claim to have “been around for a few 24 hours”, who drone on an on (and don’t laugh at their jokes or they go longer)about self serving stuff designed to make us realize how very friggin humble they are…, then they get up and leave. They bless us with their wisdom and then leave secure in the knowledge we couldn’t teach them anything. Heard a guy say after one such exit, “he claims to have ten years but its really one year repeated ten times”-and if I judged others I might have agreed.
I love Don’s words on taking action. Keith Lewis, one of my favorite circuit speakers, said words to the effect of “newcomers always want to talk about their feelings, but if you don’t like how you feel, wait ten minutes and you’ll feel different anyhow. Don’t tell me how you’re feeling, tell me what you’re doing.” Which reminds me of what I told a guy yesterday (because I’m so wise)- “I can’t think myself into good actions, but I can act myself into good thinking”.
Talk about going on and on….
Since we both agree that we’re not judging but just observing… there’s one precisely like that here… heaven forbid the meeting goes over, he leaves at the second the top of the hour arrives. And when he shares its a case of “listen to how humorous I am – oh – and – btw – if you don’t agree I’ll be happy to fight you.” He has a very interesting take on “your” program relating it to how he “interprets” the Big Book (which is mostly mumbo jumbo) and then puts whatever he comes up with to practice. You can do the same, interpret it the way you do etc. etc. BUT – help a newcomer? Never…
I love it – “how very friggin humble.” Great phrase
Thanks Gary
I think AA is changing at a rapid clip of late. It is scaring me. We thought in the 80s that the treatment centers were changing it, and they did. But now there are virtually no more treatment centers..so I guess there are just self-centered newly sober people who feel entitled to behave any way they please. And God Forbid that anyone should hurt their feelings and tell them they need to shape up.
OK, so I have some “feelings” about this…
It scares me also MC, which is why I’m willing to do anything I can to “fight” it.
I’ve been amazed by the verocity with which they feel they can contradict the truth – that is something I can deal with through the literature. But what they’re telling newcomers “out there” is beyond any control. Imagine taking a spanking brand new green pea with two days to a bar because it has karaoke? By her sponsor!!! Fortunately the sponsor didn’t know I was having discussions with the newcomers Mom
Mark
You will get a kick out of this one , all month blk bob , when they would announce my anniversary , would say “thats tentative” so i;ve been brewing for a little while , then when his FEMALE pigeon started ,it was getting to me , so I got over it last nite , during the whole meeting bob and his pigeon kept speaking to themselves , so after the meeting I went up to him ,after several dirty looks during the meeting , and said ” Bob I don’t know about you? but the old timers told me if my lips where moving I could;NT hear a f%^#en thing ,” he says yes they did I then told him his table of two was quite loud , I then smiled and walked away .,Do you think he got ? I wont know until the next meeting with him , but frankly I ;m glad I was given the back bone in this program that Pat D said I would get as the result of working the program and not mine . You know “keep com-in and AA will remove your wish bone and replace it with a back bone ”
Love Ya all
Mike P