Abused Women Leave in Five Steps
July 28, 2009 by Peggy Rowland
Filed under Women's Health
It’s not as easy as packing a bag. A doctoral student and a professor at the University of Illinois published an article on the stages of leaving in the Journal of Family Theory & Review.
The article describes Lyndal Khaw’s dissertation work, applying the Stages of Change model to 25 abused women from different backgrounds, showing boundary ambiguity in the stages of leaving.
In the first two stages of leaving, women disconnect emotionally from the relationship. In stage three, women make preparations to leave, including finding a place to stay and saving money. Authors note that the stage is “marked by a pileup of abusive episodes and noticeable effects of the violence on their children.”
In stage four, women leave, but are confronted with the need to be emotionally and physically connected again. In the final stage, women have been gone for six months or more.
“But even then [in the final stage] they may have boundary ambiguity if their ex-spouse won’t let them go. With continued contact through court-ordered child visitation, the potential for ongoing abuse remains as well as continued confusion over the abuser’s role in the woman’s life,” said Jennifer Hardesty, co-author of the article.
Hardesty notes that after women achieve physical and emotional separation, research reveals that they experience better health.
She also said that friends and family members should realize that leaving is a process that they can’t speed along. However, Hardesty says that it’s good to emphasize safety by asking questions like “Has he become more abusive? Does he have a gun?”
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