Acceptance and Surrender, says Jenny
September 24, 2008 by Kristina Chew, PhD
Filed under Health
Yes, these words were said by Mother Warrior Jenny McCarthy on Oprah. McCarthy appeared today with a mother named Monica, who after delivering a daughter via C-section, was diagnosed with necrotizing fasciitis, also known as flesh-eating bacteria. Doctors told Monica that both of her arms and legs had to be amputated. Says McCarthy of her story:
“I had a big aha! moment after spending six hours with her. … Monica accepted what is. She looked down and said ‘Okay, this is the situation. I can’t change this, so I might as well surrender to it……When she does that, she is able to move forward in peace.”
……
At Monica’s house, she and Jenny had a mom-to-mom chat about the issues that mother warriors face. “Within the autism community, one of the things that we, as mothers, miss so much is being able to caress our children, because they don’t want to be touched,” Jenny says. “Do you experience that?”
Monica says she has similar moments of sadness. “For a while, I really couldn’t lift Sofia up,” she says. “I could hug Madalyn and have her hug me back, so that was good, but I miss being able to braid her hair, paint her fingernails, toenails—the things that moms and daughters do.”
Note to McCarthy: Acceptance is the beginning of hope—take it from another special-needs, though not a warrior mom, mother.
Over the years I have reached new and deeper levels of acceptance every so often. I don’t think it’s something that happens just once. I don’t think the mother whose daughter lost her limbs grieves over that situation once, when it happens. My guess is that she’ll have to come to accept this over and over and over.
Christina above says it well. It goes in cycles. I may think I have everything figured out and then all of a sudden I surrender to a different aspect of myself, or life with M.
I will have to watch this show before I comment anymore. But, I do know from my life that learning about Autism is a process. It takes time and lots of surrendering.
Christina says it for me also. Over the years I’ve gained such a deeper level of acceptance. I wouldn’t say I’ve surrendered, I’ve just come to understand things better or in a way that I hadn’t before. A lot of that is through my son, J. He teaches me something new every time I turn around. And it helps me see what an awesome boy he is and gain that deeper level of acceptance that ultimately helps him too.
Jim Carrey as quoted on Oprah today:
Acceptance is not surrender.
It’s learning to leverage what is, into what can be, rather than focusing on what isn’t.
I’m glad that Ms. McCarthy has been affected by meeting this incredible woman and I hope that this experience will lead her towards acceptance of her son for who he is – an autistic individual – and the fact that autism is not something you can “cure”.
One thing I’d like to know: Where are the thousands of children who have been cured by biomedical intervention, as Ms. McCarthy claims? Just curious, because I haven’t run in to any lately. Maybe what she should do is organize a march on the CDC offices in Atlanta with all of these children and their families. Then the CDC and AAP would have to acknowledge them.
Ms. McCarthy also said that acceptance doesn’t mean doing nothing.
She also said she still feels some guilt for giving her son autism.
There were a few interesting statements made (and more of the same stuff we’re used to). It was rather appalling to see her use her “mother warrior” branding to try to draw a parallel between herself and the other guest mom.
Yes—-there’s no, for me questioning the courage of the other mother.
McCarthy’s saying that she felt sad about not being able to caress her child — keeping in mind that she seems to be hugging her son on the cover of her book —- was a not-surprising statement, in accurately speaking for mothers “within the autism community.”
I kept thinking about Monica and the disability community—-McCarthy’s presentation of her veered, also not surprisingly, on the sentimentalizing.
“Sentimentalizing”, interesting and generous word, Kristina.
Jenny McCarthy is a showman. This was my response
“It almost seemed trite when Monica, the mother amputee was describing her journey that Jenny interjected her own battle, as if they were synonymous. I say this knowing the perils of autism, and I don’t even have a “recovered” child.
I simply don’t get it. What I do know is that we as human beings recognize tragedy and count our blessings in the face of adversity. My grandmother always said that “in the end, if all of our laundry was placed in a pile everyone would pull in their own”.
Jenny McCarthy, ever the performer, was audibly heard telling Jim Carey when he came on stage that she wanted the “middle seat” between he and Oprah. Center stage is a great spot. She sold herself as a beauty on Oprah, a beauty with a “recovered autistic son”, a superstar boyfriend, and a new book to boot.”
Gah, does she feel guilty for “giving” her son blond hair? Does she feel guilty for “giving” her son his nose/eyes/anything else that physically resembles her? Because if she feels guilty for “giving” her son autism, she’d better hop on board the guilt train for the rest of that stuff, too.
Is the public going to be forced to move through every thought and emotion Jenny has? Each stage? Like she’s the first to experience this….Tiresome.
Is the public going to be forced to move through every thought and emotion Jenny has? Each stage?
I guess time will tell, but we will probably be going through this stage as long as the book promotion continues through the beginning of next month since I received an email on the media schedule.
I think her guilt stems from the fact that she believes that vaccinations cause autism and had she done more research (i.e. been a better, more responsible mother) Evan could have avoided autism all together.
[Is the public going to be forced to move through every thought and emotion Jenny has? Each stage?]
Well, yes, because Ms. McCarthy is used to doing things in a public manner. The good that may come out of it is that eventually people will be able to watch her public journey and realize, along with her, how fallacious her beliefs ultimately have been.
It would be nice if she could come to that conclusion sooner or later, for her son’s sake, but things have to work through in their own time.
Good comments/thoughts Regan and siliconmom. I can’t help but think her guilt is over something deeper and more personal — but something she can’t admit publicly and she’s instead projecting that guilt onto vaccines … which is an easy scapegoat and an attention-grabber.
[I did see the show yesterday, btw. Appallingly bad, imo. Disjointed. Reminded me of the 80s New Age stuff in LA -- poorly re-hashed. I found what Oprah said to Monica's husband, about Monica, in the worst possible form. But then Oprah thinks she's above manners].