Adoption Disruptions/Dissolutions Increase
I hate to admit this but about six months after we adopted AJ it crossed my mind.
Fleetingly.
And you all know that I am as honest as the day comes.
I was exhausted. I was not just tired, I was exhausted to the point that getting up in the morning was painful. I would daydream about naptime and I would forfeit my lunch just to get a few more minutes of precious sleep.
I was physically abused but a 2 year old who was scared of everything around him, who was in constant sensory overload (and thus in a constant state of flight or flight), who could not understand or speak the language, who was medically ill (ear infections, food allergies and intolerances, H Pylori, yeast infections, etc), and who was so frightened that I would leave his sight that he would hurt himself if I left the room or took the garbage out.
I was emotionally drained by a depression that took hold because this was not at ALL what I expected, by family who wanted normalcy, by ailing fathers, by anger and grief of what might have been.
So I can understand why parents seek alternatives or solutions for their children but I am sure NOT about to give up my fight to help my child.
Most adoptions are successful, between 80 and 90 percent. However, sometimes things just happen. Sometimes medical issues arise like fetal alcohol syndrome or mental health issues. Sometimes it just is not a good match and safety becomes a primary consideration for all those involved.
According to the Chicago Tribune article, Ranch Raises Hopes for Adoptees, disruptions and dissolutions are up because of the amount of international adoptions and the lack of parental training prior to adoptions.
First, as Americans adopted more children from overseas — the figures have almost tripled since 1990 — the number of children with despairing behaviors grew, and these children are now hitting adolescence, when their rages are more dangerous.
Moreover, many parents were unprepared for the challenges, in part because agencies glossed over their charges’ complex medical histories — or omitted them altogether. “Now, they’re out there all alone … living in a constant state of crisis,” said Amy Groessl, a therapist with the Children’s Research Triangle in Chicago, which serves high-risk families.
Read Nancy Spoolstra’s article When to Hold and When to Fold about her own families adoption disruptions and dissolutions. I have spoken to her a few times about AJ and how to handle family issues and she is insightful.
Could you pleas provide a working link for the 3- 53 persent ststistic you quote??
Mirah, I have corrected the link. I got it from the linked article but it looks as if the original link that the article quotes is no longer there.
Here is another source (http://statistics.adoption.com/information/statistics-disruption-dissolution.html) on the same information that states that the statistic originally comes from here (Stolley, K.S. (1993). Statistics on adoption in the United States. The Future of Children: Adoption, 3(1), 26-42.) which proves that the stat is quite outdated to be used in such an article.
Unfortunately, as you probably find, there are few statistics on disruptions and dissolutions.
Thanks for letting me know the link was incorrect. I really appreciate it.
I am author of “shedding light on…The Dark Side of Adoption” (1988) and “The Stork Market: America’s Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry” (2007).
First you need to understand the difference between adoption termination, disruption, dissolution.
The correct statistic for adoption disruptions is 10-25%. Source: http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/s_disrup.cfm
I think I was using disruption in general terms (my apologies) but older children can be disrupted early before adoptions are finalized.
Can you explain termination?
Disruption is when an adoption process that ends after the child is placed in an adoptive home and before the adoption is legally finalized.
Dissolution is when an adoption ends after it is legally finalized.
I have 6 adopted kids from EE who I have adopted threw disruption .I chose open adoption with all thier first american families. The kids are doing well and I’m so greatful that they are in my life. I’ts alot of work and very challenging. I wish more could be done to bring down the % of disruption .Since I’m full now I’m trying to to learn all can about how to help families who are disrupting resources ect.
Thanks and my apologies for my excessive typos!
The most “recent” of these statistics are dated and do not take into account the large number of international adoptions that are falling apart, the majority of take place outside the “system” and thus undoubtedly go unreported.
Yes…and I am seeing that the under the table disruptions more often now and sometimes it is best for children. In fact, I have a friend who did this. I was very upset with the 20/20 special last week that glorified disruptions as an appropriate thing to do when adoptions did not “fit”. How can parents not try to make things work? And how can agencies not educate parents more on how it is really going to be when children come home?
Our agency did okay in that area and did help us when we needed it…I will give them credit for that. They found us a therapist and guided us through. But, even so…it is rough.
It’s “better” for the child than abusing or killing them, yes.
Better still would be to prevent these awful situations by stopping all profiteering in adoption and ensuring that those who adopt are properly prepared.