Aging parents recognizing limits
Over at Sometimes I Feel Like A Piece of Bologna, Pat needs some advice about her elderly mother:
What I’m increasingly running into is Mom’s lack of “getting it” that her energy levels are quickly declining. She will run errands, try to flip a mattress (seriously!), pull weeds, or clean the house. Then she’s so tired she can’t even talk. She refuses to make a list of things she needs us or any of my sibs to do when we come. Things that any of us could do in 10 minutes, but would take her an hour and risk an injury.
Though she wants her mother to be independent as long as possible, it seems her mother doesn’t understand about conserving energy for things she enjoys doing.
I can relate, I think parents don’t want to “bother” their children with things that they’ve always been able to do before.
Not too long after my dad’s back surgery a couple of years ago, I went to his house only to find him standing on a chair in the kitchen reaching overhead to change a light bulb.
He truly didn’t see what that was a problem (shall I list the problems, here?) because it’s not something he’d ever needed help with before. I’m still learning to keep an eye out for things I can do at his house that he should probably stay away from.
At the same time, though, I can’t imagine what it would be like if my kids implied that I could no longer do a simple task I’ve always done, that’s got to be hard to accept, even if that task consumes all your energy.
I don’t think it’s a problem with just aging parents, take me for example – oh wait, I am an aging parent ewww!
Last week saw some of the seniors playing double dutch – what did I do? jumped right in there with them.
I’ve found another thing that irritates my sciatica
I was concerned that my father had too many things lying around the house (my mother was a hoarder, we are trying to get through the stuff with no place to put it, and my jerk brother suggested a garage sale, which means we can’t move this stuff out to the Salvation Army, and we have to keep it all in plastic bins that I am paying for that will cost me more than the profits — can you tell I hate my brother).
I just sat him down and said, “look, I know that you want to stay here and live independently for the rest of your life, or at least as long as possible. And I will support you in that. But — if you break your hip, it’s over. Over. So, let’s make sure that the hallway and stairway stays clear, mmmkay?”
As for the things I notice, I just fix them. Lawn mowing too much work? I hired a lawn service. Screwing in light bulbs a problem? I would just buy one of those pole things that let you do it without climbing.
Unfortunately, you never know what they are going to do next. Kind of like my three year old. But, I think talking frankly with him made him think twice about jeopardizing his mobility.
I agree that realizing limitations that come along with age is incredibly hard for our parents. My mom was always on the go, and a leader in all she did. Many of the things she once did are no longer an option. The hardest part for her is that these limitations range from huge (she used to love to waterski) to the smallest (washing her own hair). I have found that you can ease this transition a lot with some of the assistive living products. Mom likes that she is still able to do some things by herself…just with a bit of assistance.