Alzheimer’s Patients & Table Manners

“Mary, we can’t let your mother eat at the dining table any more,” the nurse informed me.  When I looked surprised, she continued, “She keeps interfering with the people sitting next to her.”

Pam further explained that Mother would reach over to the next person and try to cut their meat, spoon food from a bowl onto their plate, butter their bread, etc.  She seemed to be treating them as though they were children to be fed.  Maybe they did need help, but they usually didn’t appreciate Mother’s help.

So this led to anger from Mother’s neighbors.  There hadn’t been food fights yet, but the staff were afraid these might result in the future. 

This isn’t uncommon, for an Alzheimer’s patient to eat from another’s plate or try to help them.  Perhaps they think their neighbor is a child and needs assistance.  Perhaps they think whatever is on the other person’s plate looks more appetizing.

I recall, before Mother went to the nursing home, having problems with her taking food from my plate if I were sitting beside her.  She didn’t eat directly from my place but placed the food on hers, then ate.  Maybe she thought my plate was the serving platter.

One evening, as we were eating, I went to get something from the kitchen…we ate in a small nook just outside the kitchen.  When I came back my plate was empty. 

“Did you eat my food?” I asked my husband.

He grinned and pointed to Mother’s plate.  She was thoroughly enjoying the remainder of my meal…and I had to find something else since I’d cooked only enough for three servings!

These actions on the part of the Alzheimer’s patient generally aren’t done to be annoying, even though they can be frustrating.  If we only knew their thoughts, we’d probably see their actions as normal for the situation or for their personality.