An Apology Would Suffice
March 7, 2007 by Kristina Chew, PhD
Filed under Health
On February 27th, David Glass, a 12-year-old autistic boy, was giving his order to a waitress at a Pokez Mexican Restaurant in San Diego when he was grabbed and shaken by the waitress. David’s father, NASA rocket scientist Brian Glass, wrote about what happened on his LiveJournal blog. An article in the March 7th San Diego CityBEAT provides these details:
“David always orders his own food,” Glass said. “We’ve been to hundreds of restaurants with no problem. Sometimes he needs a little patience, but that’s it.”
David was “mildly cranky” that night and repeated “no ranchero sauce” several times as he placed his order for an omelet.
The female server, Glass said, began mocking him, by inserting “What?” after each repetition.
“She snapped,” Glass said. “She put down her menus, reached over with her right hand, took his arm, leaned over, put her hand on his shoulder, put her mouth an inch or so from his right ear, started screaming at the top of her voice, ‘You can’t have an omelet, I’m not going to take anything from this table anymore!’”
She grabbed her menus and stalked off, Glass said.
David fled into the street, chased by his mom. Glass approached the supervisor at the time, standing by the bar.
“I thought I was quite under control,” he said. He asked for another server and an apology from the supervisor.
The supervisor told him that if he couldn’t control his son, maybe he should order for him. Then he asked Glass to take his family and leave.
Says William Cary, a former board member of the San Diego Autism Society, notes that the incident “tapped a deep reservoir of frustration in the autistic community” as regards taking one’s child out in public and noting how others respond to a child whose behavior is not “normal.” “‘“Everyone has a horror story. I once had a supermarket clerk ask if my son needed an exorcism,’” Cary is quoted as saying.
Brian Glass has filed a police report; on February 25th, he wrote on his blog that
I’d still be OK with just 3 things from the Pokez owner: a written public apology for David, a statement that the manager was incorrect in his reaction then to support the waitress’s abuse , and something (either staff training or personnel changes) to prevent this from happening again. But apparently the restaurant is claiming that we were asked to leave because *we* were rude (LOL.. we were actually reserved and probably the quietest table in the place that night, and I was incredibly polite-but-firm to the manager afterwards), and they are saying that it doesn’t matter because David isn’t really autistic because he can talk (?!?). Apart from them being utterly incorrect on both counts, even if David was a *neurotypical* child, that still doesn’t somehow make it OK for the waitress to grab him and scream in his ear! (scratches head)
Somehow I do not think it is the Pokez restaurant’s prerogative to say whether David Glass is “really autistic.”
Brian Glass would just like an apology to his son: How much can that be to ask for?
Any disability group you can mention is not worthy of that sort of respect, sadly, in today’s society.
That is not a reflection of the disability groups… it is a reflection of the society we live in.
This sort of behavior on the part of the restaurant is unacceptable. If I were the family, I would be threatening to file an ADA complaint right now.
The people in that restaurant were rude and ignorant, I hope that customers who read about them stay away. Maybe they would learn a lesson in manners if they had empty tables for the next few months.
There is a note of hope in all of this. In the words of Brian Glass “We’ve been to hundreds of restaurants with no problem. Sometimes he needs a little patience, but that’s it.”. That is encouraging to hear. Maybe a list of the places where his son, David, had the best time would provide a good list of alternative restaurants.
I think I know what I’d like to do in retirement (assuming I ever get to a place where I can retire):
I would like to have a little camper and travel the country organizing boycotts and informational picketing of idiots like this.
The part that puzzled me the most was the restaurant (as Brian Glass writes) saying that his son could not be autistic because he can talk???!!?! It’s the yelling in David’s ear that also really bothers me—–the “behaviors” of the Pokez staff were not “appropriate” in the least.
The family should also contact all media outlets in San Diego.
It was also harrasment from Pokez staff. No one has the right to put their hands on anyone without permission. That’s what we all learned in school. It also floored me when they said he “wasn’t Autistic”. If they can diagnose people what are they doing in the restaurant business?
Autistic or otherwise, in the service industry the 101 rule is ‘the customer is always right.’
Best wishes
Simply horrifying. Even if the child was misbehaving – which was not the case – nobody has the right to grab and yell at someone else’s kid. If I was the restaurant owner I’d have fired her a**.
I can’t stop thinking about that line, “he’s not really autistic because he speaks.” Yeowch. Reminds me of the teacher who would scream at my daughter, “Look at me! Look at me!”
Yelling at people is a classic American trait. Americans speak louder to non-English speakers– as if the increase in volume will suddenly translate the words…
Some people, it seems, would rather go out of business than admit they were wrong and apologize.
What a horrifying experience for the child and family. I hope it doesn’t put them off to eating at restaurants as a whole. If David’s associational memory connects restaurants with trauma, this could have even more serious ramifications.
The behavior of the restaurant staff astounds me—inexcusable by anyone, towards anyone.
A few more links on this story:
from Graphic Truth (with more info, for those of us who have never eaten at Pokez, about the restaurant)
from Ducksnorts (a San Diego Padres blog)
When I initially heard about the “he can’t be autistic, he can talk” bit, I was tempted to call the manager and point out a couple of families with several autistic children each, where the majority of the children talk.
Sheesh.
(I read the Graphic Truth thing a good number of days ago.)
I thought it was rather presumptive of the restaurant to make such a statement.
why dont we just burn down the restaurant?
or, better, try to get some sense of what really happened (something perhaps a bit more objective than the corroboration of “a family friend”) before turning ourselves over to moral indignation. dont get me wrong, moral indignation can be fun (and can certainly sell more copy ..or capture more web hits), but sometimes a level headed account can work too