Anger Turned Inwards

Alcoholics will never be categorized as poster children for Mental Health. Of course, those of you who are members of a judgmental society who aren’t alcoholic won’t give us this but I’m bringing it anyway

This post is part of the Health and Wellness Channel’s monthly theme day. This month, it’s hosted by Alicia over at Mental Health Notes.

Marijke speaks of depression. Most alcoholics I know live with depression in some form. Many live with manic depression or bipolar disorder like Alicia speaks about at Mental Health Notes. Others, like me, live with a different form of depression, something my doctor called “unipolar” which, to me, simply meant my mind is screwed up but, by definition means:

“a pervasive low mood, loss of interest in usual activities and diminished ability to experience pleasure. The course of clinical depression varies widely: it can be a once in a lifetime event or have multiple recurrences, it can appear either gradually or suddenly, and can either last for a few months or be a life-long disorder. Onset is usually in early to mid adulthood. Diagnosis is based on the patient’s self-reported experiences and observed behavior. No laboratory test for major depression currently exists.”

That, to us, is a lot of medical mumbo jumbo. What it really means is the self-hatred we feel gets turned inward. The anger towards ourselves for our actions despite the fact we have no ability to choose, by will power, whether we’ll drink alcohol or not. We hurt the ones we love and somewhere inside of us we know it and we hate ourselves for it. That anger that grows with each episode in spite of our best intentions not to do it again. An alcoholic in his cups truly defines the saying “The road to hell is lined with good intentions.” We become “hopeless” therefore, depressed.

If you can identify and you’re reading this – There Is A Way Out!!! Call your local hotline for Alcoholics Anonymous – its in the Yellow Pages… go to a meeting – we’ll help you.