Are kids getting worse?
Is it really that kids are getting worse or is it that we are just more aware of it because of a gazillion television channels and the internet?
Maybe I lead an extremely sheltered life. At the age of 15, I wouldn’t have dared even thought about having sex, much less running a prostitution ring like this group of teens in Fort Worth. My parents would have beat me until I wished I were dead. They’d never have killed me, that would have been to easy on me.
It’s easy for me to offer up remedy from the comfort of my own home, but it seems to me that crimes such as this were almost unheard of when parents and schools were actually feared by kids and served as a deterrent against crimes and mischief.
I WANT my kids to fear my wrath if they cross the line and hurt one of their peers.
If I could sign a form giving the schools permission to paddle my kids for acts of wrongdoing, I would in a heartbeat! Of course I believe the punisher should be someone qualified to handle such a delicate issue/task.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids with every fiber of my being, but I want there to be a certain amount of fear in them - fear that tells them they won’t like the consequence of their actions if it is against the law/rules.
I also believe that too many people are placing their children in the care of McBabysitters who have no interest in the adult our children are becoming.
What do you think? Am I off base here? Is the lack of punishment in children and the lack of proper parenting causing an epidemic of juvenile delinquents?
Tags: juvenile delinquents, teens, child care, parenting, punishment, paddling, spanking
Do you ever worry about offending day care workers and early child care educators who study for three years for the privilege of taking care of other people’s children for slave’s wages? I think they do it because they love children and care deeply for how all of them and, by extension, the world turn out.
Point taken. I think this is as it is with most things…
Some men give other men a bad name
Some used car salesmen give other car salesmen a bad name… and so on.
I think there are some genuine child care providers out there. My mom was one of them for a number of years.
I do think the fact remains that unless parents take time and effort to find a provider who actually cares about their kids rather than a “money maker” they can do from home - we’re going to continue to see this trend spiral out of control.
And that’s only a portion of the equation.
But to respond to your question, I don’t really concern myself with offending those who genuinely care, because those who do most likely have similar complaints to what I do. Children not getting proper care and upbringing.
We have learned that balance is needed in discipline. While respect for parents is necessary, so is a bit of fear. However, every child is different and needs a tailored disciplinary structure that best suits their personality. Some of my kids respond better to time out. Some are more affected by taking away privileges. But they all know darn well that if they commit a serious offense, a good old fashioned spanking will be the consequence. Not a spanking done out of anger, but one administered with an explanation, in a calm manner. There are some that argue that spanking is never okay. I do not deal in absolutes. “NEVER” is an awful strong word. We are not barbaric parents. We discipline in love and end each disciplinary action with a hug and discussion. It is meant to be a learning experience.
I also agree with the thought that childcare is abused in our society. Too many kids are left in day care so often and for so many hours, that they are not spending enough time with their parents to receive the special brand of nurturing and discipline that only a parent can provide. I’m not saying that care providers do not give love and discipline, but it’s not the same as a parent’s. I’m not implying that everyone abuses it, but too many do.
On the other hand, there are stay at home parents who fail to give their kids the attention and discipline that they need, so I guess that the real problem is the lack of sense of duty in a lot of today’s parents.
I think kids have stopped being as afraid of consequences but part of that is that there are so many homes where the parents aren’t around as much as they need to be. There’s so many societal reasons for this (low wages, stress, sheer neglect, etc…) but I think this plays a major role in how things have gotten out of hand.
I think schools are now too afraid to do anything. In my area, kids aren’t allowed to fail a grade because they say it would “hurt the child’s feelings” but it just doesn’t seem like that’s in the best interest of the child. It’s like standards and structure have been sacrificed to make sure kids never feel bad. I think that you have to feel bad sometimes to learn.
First of all, these teens are stupid. Whatever their parents end up doing, i.e. hiring a good lawyer, etc.. will not excuse them from jail time or something like that. Whether or not kids have babysitters growing up, or etc has nothing to do with the fact that a prostitution ring is not the way to make a lot of money. advice for some other teens: learn how to fix computers or something and start a local business.. and charge excessive amounts of money for labor and talk in techspeak. thats honest.
This stupid 15 year old girl is also going to be charged with a felony, and she could be tried as an adult, which means she wont be able to get a job for life. I don’t think a lack of proper parenting or lack of punishment has anything to do with stuff like this. Parents aren’t the only influence in a teen’s life. By age 15, Most teenagers know what’s right or wrong, and are able to make their own choices. Whether or not this girl had a babysitter after school in elementary school ten years ago does not matter.. and there’s nothing wrong with babysitters. Most middle class families, the mom and dad have to work to provide teenagers with the price of college. In most cases, being a stay at home mom dosen’t pay.
Can we honestly expect kids to behave properly when media pushes so much in their faces. They see Britney and Nicole spend 74 minutes in jail for violation of probation. They are being fed false information through every stream of media available. There are no longer any consequences!!! The key is spending proper time with your children whenever you have it. And I must comment, my child was much better in daycare than he is now at home with me. So the whole stay at home mom is the best, really isn’t. They have rules and structure and rewards and it vastly improved my life when I was able to take advantage of it. Now he runs a muck in the house and I’m going to supernanny for advise. See, stay at home isn’t always best.
Jen,
Maye it wouldn’t be a terrible to idea to model your own home structure after the one your child had while in day care. If he/she is used to that kind of routine, maybe it would be best to implement it at home, in order to get the same, well beahved results that your child demonstrated while at day care. That is just what SuperNanny would tell you to do. Good luck!
Jen, Kids are going to push mommy more than anybody else no matter what their routine (I say this as one of those former slave wage daycare workers who went to school for 3 years). My own children were well behaved for my co-workers, but for me they like to push it (even with our well established routine). I enjoy staying at home, but my kids run a muck once in a while, too. I think every parent has to pick wether they want to be at home or at work (and nobody has a right to tell you what is better). I enjoy being able to use my education to enrich my childrens’ lives, but my best friend finds she is the best mom she can be when she gets a 40 or 50 hour a week break from her kids. She can come home and realy enjoy the time with her kids. It’s all about quality, not quantity. If you’re a better parent when you work outside of the home then that’s what’s best for your kids and you. And you are so right about these psudo-celebrities being above the law; it is a crazy world.
I don’t think kids are getting worse, per se, but I believe the really bad kids get a lot of media attention, whereas the Eagle Scouts and ordinary kids who work after school jobs to save for college are ignored. Personally, we just don’t watch TV and rarely read the paper. No media exposure - no annoying media overexposure.
I’ve been reading this blog for a long time and lately it seems you have been advocating rather harsh physical punishment. I am respectful towards my parents and peers but I’ve never needed the threat of bodily harm to do so. I don’t think paddling students is the way to go because some of us don’t respond well to physical punishment.
Dear Anonymous Teen,
I think that you have taken the notion of physical punishment out of context. Gayla never said that physical punishment should be the only form of punishment, used on every type of child. What she was saying is that it should not be totally discounted as an option. Spanking is a tool that, when used properly, and for the right reasons on a child who responds well to that type of discipline, can be an effective parenting tool. Spanking is a tool that, when applied by a calm parent in a controlled situation, should not inflict bodily HARM, as you have implied. It should only serve as a uncomfortable reminder. I’m sure we have all felt uncomfortable with a punishment we have received, whether it be a spanking or having a privilege taken away. The discomfort should serve as a reminder. Like Pavlov and his dogs, but in a reverse sense. A child thinks of the last time he/she made a bad choice and associates it with the discomfort of being spanked. It is a simple cause and effect tool. It is not meant to be brutal or barbaric in nature. Of course, some parents take it too far and let their emotions take control of the situation. Older children and teens should not need to be physically disciplined if their parents did a proper job of instilling the cause and effect notion earlier in life. I hope that helps to clear up any misconceptions and I applaud you on being a teen that makes good choices!
Dear Kadi,
Thank you for responding to my post and clearing things up for me! I clearly took the blog entries the wrong way. I agree with what Gayla said about some teens being out of control these days and that parents shouldn’t try to be their kids friends. I’ve seen the results of lenient parenting up close at my school and it isn’t pretty!
Thanks for taking the time to explain things for me Kadi — and to Anonymous Teen — I do believe there are different methods of punishing children. I am all for starting off with the more lenient approach and if that works, Great! If not, keep upping the ante until you find the perfect antidote for the crime.
I personally was spanked as a child, but not anywhere near regularly. I didn’t need it to be regular. I was ’spoken to’ for step 1 behaviour, ‘grounded’ for step 2 behaviour, and spanked for harming living things and breaking the law.
What I’m trying to say is there are certain acts that require spankings, (like the time my 2 year old tried to ride his bike down the stairs), and some acts only require time-outs.(Like snatching a toy from his little brother). Talking back is barely an issue, it only merits ‘the look’.
My oldest is now 5, he has been spanked, and will probably be spanked sometime else in his childhood. But he sure as heck won’t ride his bike down the stairs. And that, to me, is good discipline.
A little fear wouldn’t hurt today’s kids. I feared my mother, my teachers, and the police as a kid, and I turned out to be a law-abiding, respectful adult. Nothin’ wrong with that.
i think that kids are getting really bad because they are getting away with it