Attachment Theory

Our attachment process has not been an easy journey. In fact, some days and months have been very difficult. In the roller coaster of adoption, our first few months was the typical  honeymoon period wherein AJ was pretty complacent, not really seeking comfort but not acting out. However, when he realized that he could actually feel pain (after we started sensory integration therapy) things went downhill from there.

He started seeking comfort but then would push us away because he believed we caused the pain. It had not been there before, right? You are here now so you obviously caused it.

His sleep deprivation got worse and ours did as well so tantrums surfaced hundreds of times a day. His medical issues came to light now that pain was obvious. With pain came more tantrums and more comfort, thus more pushing away…thus making attachment difficult.

We were also dealing with the adoption issues and being new parents. AJ had just left the only home he had ever known, entered a new home with a new language, and his new father left the house to travel for several days at a time to work. AJ was very confused. To facilitate attachment there needs to be structure, continuity, and understanding but AJ had little of that because of the circumstances (and there was nothing more we could do to help, as we were doing everything we could).

Characteristics of Secure Attachment

• Securely attached children exhibit minimal distress when separated from caregivers. Remember, these children feel secure and able to depend on their adult caregivers. When the adult leaves, the child feels assured that the parent or caregiver will return.
• When frightened, securely attached children will seek comfort from caregivers. These children know their parent or caregiver will provide comfort and reassurance, so they are comfortable seeking them out in times of need.

AJ does have a pretty healthy attachment to us now, although there are times when he can be difficult. At this point he runs to me for comfort and reassurance, is able to go to grandma and grandpas, get on the school bus, and tell us have a good time if we go out. However, while we are gone he does ask when we are coming back, which I think is pretty normal.

Characteristics of Ambivalent Attachment

• Ambivalently attached children usually become very distressed when a parent leaves. This attachment style is considered relatively uncommon, affecting an estimated 7-15% of U.S. children. Research suggests that ambivalent attachment is a result of poor maternal availability. These children cannot depend on their mother (or caregiver) to be there when the child is in need.

We went through this stage for a very long time. Every time Papa left AJ was fine because he knew that Papa always came home. But, because I was the primary caregiver the moment I would step out of the house, even if I had to open the garage door, AJ would start hurting himself because he did not know how to deal with his fear. He was so scared that I was going to leave him that he would resort to self-injurous behaviors to try to deal with the situation. Even if Papa was standing right next to him he would not be able to calm himself down or understand that I was coming back. We worked for almost a year on teaching him that I was not leaving him. Our attachment therapist believes this stems from the lack of maternal figures in the orphanage and his attachment to me. 
Characteristics of Avoidant Attachment

• Children with an avoidant attachment tend to avoid parents or caregivers. When offered a choice, these children will show no preference between a caregiver and a complete stranger. Research has suggested that this attachment style might be a result of abusive or neglectful caregivers. Children who are punished for relying on a caregiver will learn to avoid seeking help in the future.

Problems with Attachment

What happens to children who do not form secure attachments? Research suggests that failure to form secure attachments early in life can have a negative impact on behavior in later childhood and throughout the life. Children diagnosed with oppositional-defiant disorder (ODD), conduct disorder (CD), or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) frequently display attachment problems, possibly due to early abuse, neglect, or trauma. Clinicians suggest that children adopted after the age of six months have a higher risk of problems with attachment.

While attachment styles displayed in adulthood aren’t necessarily the same as those seen in infancy, research suggests that early attachments can have a serious impact on later relationships. For example, those who are securely attached in childhood tend to have good self-esteem, strong romantic relationships, and the ability to self-disclose to others. For more information, see this articles on attachment styles.