The big problem is that our local clinic is closing down. This may not sound like much, but for my mother, change is never good. She was just getting used to(i.e. trusting) the local nurse practitioner, when she left. Now that she is gone, the other shoe to fall is that the hospital is pulling out sponsorship of the clinic and our small town has to find alternative healthcare. What a mess.

If it was up to me, she would be at a doctor, to listen to her lungs. I would want her to have her blood pressure checked and baseline for her weight. She doesn’t eat enough on a good day. Right now, she is having a hard time eating anything.

It is not up to me. We are in that mysterious place call Middle Reality. She does not need full time medical supervision, but does need some prodding to keep up with things. I can suggest and gently convince, but not *make* her do anything.

I think that caring for my mother is harder than caring for all four of my children. I manage to keep my cool with my children because I know they are children. My mom though, it is hard to have to change the relationship around sometimes.

So for now, we will nurse mom along, hoping she gets better in a few days. I will let her be in charge unless she gets any worse.

Your question of the day: What ways do you keep your parents healthy, without seeming to parent them?

Post from: Blisstree

Mom is Sick

Working the farm is a struggle for mom to observe. She has lifelong experience with working on a farm, but now it is just too much change all the time. I try to keep her involved with the goings on, by sharing with her where I am going and what we are doing next, but it seems to make things worse.

My husband and I decided that instead of having her know about the comings and goings of the farm, we would give her a couple of babies to take care of here at the house. It is cute to see her coddle them. Imagine her hovering behind each baby goat, as it walks around the livingroom. She is holding a tissue for any accidents, and the goat is kicking up it’s heels at being warm and fed on demand.

This has been a great opportunity for mom to get outside of her own head. She has been talking a lot about her house being sold, the health of her stocks and how much she misses being alone. We are finally talking about building the new house on the farmsite, finding out what sort of comforts she would like to have. I think the idea of change again, is so much harder on her.

It is really difficult to fit all of us together in the family puzzle. Does anyone have tips to share?

Post from: Blisstree

Bottle Babies

Of utmost importance, is the idea that you can comment to me, without feeling judged. I will delete any comments that add no value to the conversation. If you want to write me and tell me what a failure I seem, please feel free to do so. The comment will never see the light of day, but I will read it.

Everyone have a wonderful day and hug every member of  your family.

Post from: Blisstree

A Note About Our Genbetween Community

My friend is the wife of my vet. She and I get a long very well and find out more things that we have in common all the time. We both live with our mothers, and there is some angst on a daily basis.

We came to the conclusion that neither mother was going to take the first step, and make a friendly gesture. We decided to just do it for them.I can’t help but think that mom’s personality would smooth out if she had someone to talk with, other than us.

I can’t help feeling a little sneaky about doing this. The ruse is that I am supposedly having company, only my company is bringing her mother?

Do any of you set up things against your parent’s will? If it were up to mom, she wouldn’t leave the house unless it was to get the mail. Not kidding!

Post from: Blisstree

Feeling Underhanded

Having shared that innermost secret, this foolish waste of air is the reason for mom to get up in the morning. She(the dog) loves being spoiled and tells mom what to do all the time. I am serious! If mom is sitting in her chair, reading, this dog will bark and jump and cause a commotion so that mom can escort her to the dog door to be let out. No need for an escort, mind you, just the fact that mom’s complete attention is not ON the dog, means that she has to take more serious means to get it back.

I have seen this dog(on more than one occasion) actually go-to-the-bathroom in front of us, while we were talking. I am the ultimate usurper for mom’s attention. Really, if it was up to the dog, I would have to go.

I am the only one bold enough to remove food from her mouth, keep her from the kitchen so that the kids can eat, keep her off of the table for no good reason and I refuse to give her people food. Period.

So now, I ask you, dear reader, what in the world do I do with this stupid dog in the future? She is young enough to clearly have a long life ahead of her. I do not want the responsibility of taking care of an animal that I dislike. The problem is that IF mom asks me to care for the dog, how can I tell her no? Ugh.

I believe that it is a Golden rule that if you have a dog,  you must teach it to act like a normal dog. It should be a rule in stone. Your family does not have to love your pet. They just have to live with it.

nemesis

That is all.

Post from: Blisstree

Mom’s Dog – My Nemesis

So we decided that the unseasonably warm weather warranted a day out of the house. I also work from home, so it was nice for me to at least get some fresh air. I lugged the laptop to the car and we went to the park.

Our park is lovely, it has electrical outlets! I was not able to get online, but could work while the kids ran around and played.

We grabbed lunch and stayed for almost three hours. While we were there, we talked a lot about the house, our family and basically *things*. Some points I heard, that stand out in my mind are:

• Grandma is so mad at us all the time.
• We never have fun family dinners anymore
• Your forehead has wrinkles in it now, are you always mad?

Ack! Out of the mouths of babes.  I realize that no one *always, never* anything, but I think I need an attitude adjustment. I spend so much time keeping all the balls in the air, that I forget about the emotional part of it for the kids.

Genbetween to me, means adding more things to my already full plate. I am a full time mom, farmer, wife and now elder caregiver. I know that I am always tired-that started 14 years ago. I also know that I am a nighttime worrier and family busybody. I like to know what everyone is doing, pretend I know what they are thinking and over think how my actions affect everyone around me.

In doing what I feel is taking care of everyone else, is actually a self imposed exile from enjoying my family in any capacity.

I do NOT like this self-reflection. It feels like a reprimand of sorts. I suppose it really is.

This is a loving moment of truth from my children. They are still young enough that their world revolves around me and my temperament. I think I wallow in self pity and that is a slippery slope.

My kids really need less overthinking, and more of the simple pleasures of parenting.

Post from: Blisstree

Genbetween From The Kids POV

I was not quite sure if I should have heard the conversation, but we have an open concept home, and I was cooking dinner. Other than turn off the stove, and leave the room, what could I have done?

I got her a pad of paper, once I saw that she was trying to take notes in an already used sticky-note she had sitting there. I mean, come on. These are the moments that bring out my protective response. I can’t bear to see her confused or anxious, without stepping in to help.  Selling the home was the final thread to her 7 years of living in their dream location, the passing of her husband, and so much freedom.

After the call, she came in and started telling me 100 reasons why she wanted to sell to these particular buyers. Speaking faster and faster, she rattled off so many things, one would think that it was a dump on skidroe, instead of a lovely ranch in a private community. Was she convincing me or herself?

Honestly, I believe she was gearing up to convince my husband. She is more comfortable in that role: Asking permission. I, however, think it is her darn house. As long as she wants to sell it, makes a common sense decision to sell it, and gets at least *something* out of it, let her!

So, I went behind her back. Yes, dear readers, I did. I sent a text to my husband, who was still at work. I told him she had the call, and that she was going to talk to him when he got home. I did not tell mom that he already knew. My reasoning was that if he already knew the basic story, when she stammered out her nervous thoughts, he could *hear* her and respond accordingly.

It actually worked! She was able to get the validation she needed to feel like she made the right decision, and my poor dh, tired from 8+ hours of mind numbing office politics, did not have to sort out what in the world was going on.

I think that this was a hard step, but from listening to her, it was also huge relief. She was really becoming concerned that there was a home sitting thousands of miles away, being taken care of by hired people.

So, although this is a sad day for mom, I think that it will ease her stress somewhat, knowing that it is sold.

Now, if only we could do something about her stress level in other areas..

Post from: Blisstree

The Final Thread

Take yesterday for example. I had a late evening class to go to. My husband also had to go out at about the same time, to teach a Boy Scout class. When things like this happen, he and I divvy up the children, based on who can manage what.

Everything was organized to the minute, as large families have to do. Fast forward to afternoon, when I am getting ready to go. Oldest is cooking dinner and mom asks where I am going.

“To my class.” I tell her. This is not news. I have been excitedly talking about it for about two weeks.

“Oh, so I am going to be watching the kids again, then?” She responds, clearly angry.

Whoa! The internal brakes screech to a halt, as I bite my tongue. We do not ask her, want her, nor need her to watch the children. She has been told time and time again, that she is not here to be a housemaid or babysitter or cook or laundress. Her job is to just *be* here with us.

Clearly, every time I leave the house and there are children remaining behind, she feels as if she is there to watch them?

I am not sure how to get this point across? I am feeling that she doesn’t enjoy the children anymore because it used to be that she was only with us long enough never let the newness wear off. Now that we are creeping up on a year, the gloss is off the apple, so to speak. She is tired of them, the noise, confusion and just plain loudness of life that comes with a large family.

As frustrated as I feel about these issues, it helps me to think of how frustrated she must be feeling too! I mean, who wouldn’t miss the silence, when the baby is whining to be picked up and the 6 yr old is running full speed and the 11 yr old is arguing with the 14 yr old at the top of his lungs?

I would love to have a written list of rules, clearly indicating that her role is in this family. The main problem with that is I don’t have any idea of what her role really is. What I hoped for and reality are two very different things.

Why hasn’t someone written a manual about these things?

Post from: Blisstree

You Say Tomato..

The combination has created a rich history that my children ask about time and time again. We talk about how amazing their great, great paternal grandmother’s cooking was and how grandma didn’t have shoes until she went to school! Very interesting to a group of hooligans, err, I mean boys.

We have done some online research to list what family history that the kids and I could trace back. I like to use sites devoted to family history, since they cut out a lot of the useless searching that can often happen when you simply search for someone’s name. I recently found out that Ancestry.ca is having a contest that I wanted to share with you. In case you haven’t stumbled on them, Ancestry.ca, is a part of a global network of history websites, that includes the US, the UK, Australia, Germany, Italy, France, Sweden and China. It includes 400 million searchable names and specifically of Canadian interest:

“Key Canadian collections include the first and only fully indexed Censuses of Canada for 1851, 1891, 1901, 1906 and 1911, The Drouin Collection – the complete set of French-Canadian vital records from 1621 to 1947, Ontario and British Columbia vital records from as early as 1813 and U.S. / Canada Border Crossings from 1895 to 1956″

They are running a Wordstump Contest right now that is for anyone who is:

• A Canadian resident
• At least 13 years of age
• Registered Ancestry.ca user

The contest runs from February 16 – April 10th, 2009 and has some very nice prizes. You could win

The grand prize:A$1500 WestJet gift certificate (non-refundable and cannot be redeemed for cash value)
Other prizes: One of 8 weekly prizes of a $100 Chapters gift card

I don’t know about you, but I would love to win a trip OR get free books. I have been known to peruse the bookstores, just to daydream about shopping without a calculator. $100 would go a long ways towards filling my book bag.

What caught my eye about this contest, is that you have a lot of chances to win! Every day you can get another prize draw entry by playing the game, AND up to 100 extra by referring your friends. Not bad for something that is fun to do anyways.

To play, you log in and play the completely addictive, fun word game, called WordStump. I started playing it to check it out, and before I knew it, an hour had flown by. Remember how I mentioned that brain games are great ways to break out of brain fog? Well, Ancestry.ca has invented a fun way to play with letters, that you will love!

Check it out for the fun of it and who knows? You may end up with some great travel time or book money.

Post from: Blisstree

A Chance to Win at Ancestry.ca

I was reading an article in Consumer Reports, On Health newsletter, which mom gets every month. The topic was restoring mental clarity. Here are a few things that they recommend we all do to help us remember things better.

1. Check for medical reasons – I am paraphrasing here, but have you or your parent had a recent checkup? Your medications can induce some cloudy thinking. So can some health issues like blood sugar or an infection.
2. Getting enough sleep – Is the person suffering from brain fog getting enough sleep? Our brains need that sleeping time to refresh and reboot itself. If we do too much at once(of which I am supremely guilty) we actually stress our brain more, and it causes it to work less effectively.
3. Review your medications – Some drugs that are important for other symptoms, can cloud our thinking. If your parent seems to have this trouble, it wouldn’t hurt to give a list of all meds to their health care provider. Have him or her look them over for side effects or interaction problems.
4. Exercise your brain – Physical activity actual improves brain function in the same regions that are affected by too little sleep and too high stress.  It increases blood flow to the brain and enhances nerve activity. Both increase clarity.

In real life terms, be sure you all get enough sleep, get at least a little exercise every day and try to give your brain a mental workout daily.

Post from: Blisstree

Getting Rid of Brain Fog