Sometimes I wonder, though, if we’re a little too balanced. Or, more accurately, if we’re not missing some features that would benefit us as a couple. Most often, I wonder how different our life would be if just one of us was a risk taker.

Our life, up to this point, has been pretty predictable. High school sweethearts, graduated from college, got married, bought a house, had kids. Still live and work within 15 minutes of where we lived when we met. Nothing bad, good actually, just nothing all that exciting.

We’ve had fantastic ideas, and sorta plans, to move across the ocean, adopt a child, travel, and so much more. And none of it has happened. It seems that, if it didn’t just come naturally and easily, neither of us has whatever it takes to really make it happen.

This is not at all to say that I’m not so very thankful for my life and marriage. I am. I just wonder who we would be at this point in our life if one of us was a bit more of a “breaking the mold” kind of person.

What personality attributes do you think might be missing from your marriage?

Post from: Blisstree

A good balance…

So, welcome.

Post from: Blisstree

New Neighbors!

Not that we don’t have our own barbeques here in the Midwest, but going to an authentic Barbeque restaurant is one of the things I miss most about going to Georgia. Not that I’m sad that Bald Man’s parents moved back here, but that was one of the perks to visiting them down South.

Post from: Blisstree

b5 Barbeques

Anyway, whenever there’s a relative of mine in town, we pretty much hold off on scheduling anything else until we know what the plans are with my family. That’s how it’s been since I was a kid. Whether we had family visiting, or whether we were visiting family, everyone dropped everything they could to be there to share time together. Aunts, uncles, cousins, everyone.

So, of course, I marry someone with pretty much an opposite experience to mine. It’s not that his family doesn’t share time together, it’s that there’s just not much family. Now that his parents have moved back to town, the only family that visits is his aunt. It’s easy enough to drop everything for the once a year she comes to town.

I’ve tried not to expect Bald Man to drop everything when my family comes to town. He’s more than willing to, and always gets on well with what ever family member he’s with. I’m pretty sure he’s been to more of my family weddings than his. And while I put my life on hold when family comes to town, I try to keep Bald Man’s family commitments to a minimum. Or…at least not to a maximum.

What about you? When your spouse’s family comes in town, do you drop everything so that you can both hang out with them? Does it depend on the family member? Do you say, “forget it, we’re busy!”?

Post from: Blisstree

It’s all relative…

Like many wives, what I don’t need (ha…I wrote kneed the first time) is my hubby trying to fix my problems for me. Bald Man learned that one at a relatively early stage. It’s not that I don’t ever want his input, it’s just that there are certain things that I have to work out for myself, and he knows that, too. I know it’s hard for him to hold back, and he doesn’t always succeed, but he tries. I know. I can see the vein bulging in his forehead as he tries desperately to keep his mouth shut. (Thanks, babe, for the effort!)

So, now I’m back on the weight thing. Always a struggle for me, always will be. And I know that Bald Man is always trying to figure out his role in the journey. He knows it’s not to be my judge. He does his best to be my cheerleader. I wish I knew what he needed to be for me here, but I haven’t figured out his perfect role, either.

What I do need from him is to eat that yummy specialty cheese and french bread in the kitchen. And anything else yummy and fattening that’s in there. I think that’s a need he can handle.

How do you participate in your spouses’ ongoing struggles? Do you keep your mouth shut? Do you encourage? Do you offer advice?

Post from: Blisstree

I need him…

Fortunately for us, we have some suckers down the street that we conned into being friends with us. They’ve actually become very good friends that we count on to entertain us when we have some down time!!

Since they do live down the street, and our kids are similar ages, most of our date nights end up being cards or games while the kids fall asleep on the couch in front of a movie. (In a few years, the kids will be outlasting us in their own game nights!)

However, when we do get to actually go out with friends, we’re often at a loss as to what to do. Dinner and a movie is an easy one, but not one of my favorites. It bothers me to make time to go out and then sit for 2 hours in a movie theatre (20 minutes of which is commercials) not talking to each other. And most restaurants are so loud that it’s hard to have any conversation, anyway. Not to mention the fact that we’re all of the age that we’d rather watch movies in situations where we can pause for potty breaks, adjust the volume, and splay about the couches in the most comfortable/non-tailbone paining positions. (Seriously, we’re early 30s, and they’re late 20s. It all happens very early in life!!!!!)

Recently, we’ve gone bowling and to sporting events. Bowling allows for conversation, sports only somewhat. Can you tell I value conversation? After that, we’re pretty much at a loss. Maybe we could wander around our fair city in the summer months.

What about you? Do you have favorite couples night activities?

Post from: Blisstree

Couples Date Nights

Bald Man: *chuckling*

Me: What?

Bald Man: I think it’s funny that you bought a copy of People knowing that you bought it because Tim Russert was on the cover, and not because Mario Lopez was on the cover.

Me: Yeah, I am that lame.

Again, I don’t buy magazines often. I just wanted that one. I was really saddened by the death of Tim Russert. I think the American people lost a true friend the day he died. It’s not all that often that you can listen to someone you don’t know, probably never will meet, and feel like he’s honest about the American government and does his job, day in and day out, to serve you.

I know there’s probably nothing written in that magazine that I can’t read on-line. I just wanted it. For Tim Russert. And not a half-naked Mario Lopez.

Now, if it had been Heath Ledger. (Is that bad form? I know he died, too. But man, that boy was beautiful…)

See why Bald Man doesn’t have to worry about a wandering eye with me?

Post from: Blisstree

I am that lame…

And something that means virtually nothing to Bald Man.

The “discussion” (could liberally be referred to as an argument) goes on until I’m just frustrated to the core. And while some might think that it’s because I haven’t won Bald Man to my side of the argument (though that would feel good once in awhile), that’s not my ultimate goal. I find the thing that frustrates me most is not that he doesn’t get why I’m upset, it’s that he’s seemingly not upset that I’m bothered.

And that’s probably true. He’s not upset that I’m bothered. But, to me, that translates into, “I don’t care. It doesn’t matter that you’re upset.”

He’s says that’s not the case. He says it does matter and that he does care. (Right before he gives me the look that says, “I still have no idea why you’re going on about this like you are.) I believe him, because I trust him. But it still never feels right. I still feel like I’m venting to someone who thinks I’m completely off my rocker for no good reason.

It’d be easier if he’d just agree with me in the first place and we could just move on.

Did this make sense to anyone else? Anyone feeling me here?

Post from: Blisstree

I want it to matter to you that it matters to me…

Sandy of Robust Cooking shares a link for free cookbooks. I’m right on it! I don’t think I could have too many cookbooks. Each one that I have has inspired some dish that I’ve made. Yum.

Yipes! Heather talks about getting rid of old journals. I don’t think I could ever do that! Maybe one day. Could you get rid of yours?

We’ve been smoothie maniacs in our house lately. I find smoothies a great use for almost-but-not-quite-rotten bananas. Now I have to try them with mangoes. Maricar shares a yummy smoothie recipe as a solution for sour mangoes. I think it’d be good for those strawberries that aren’t quite sweet enough as well.

Would you think I’m awfully odd if I tell you that I feel really guilty about using single use chopsticks? So guilty that I sometimes bring them home and wash them and reuse them? Yeah, I do. Not always, but sometimes. Now Peggy’s shared a company that makes things from used (and cleaned) chopsticks. And I’m inspired. And Bald Man will go nuts seeing more chopsticks around the house.

There’s another week jumping around the channel.

Post from: Blisstree

Jaunt Around the Channel

But, looking at your bedroom as an outsider, what would you think it says? I mean, this is the room that is reserved for the two of you as a couple. How does being in that room make you feel?

To be perfectly honest, our bedroom is rather depressing. It’s the only room, other than the kitchen, that’s hardly been touched since we moved in over 8 years ago. The other two bedrooms, the bathroom, the living room, and the dining room have all been painted and redecorated by us since we moved in. The bedroom? We manged to get the carpet up last year? And that’s it.

The walls are an ugly not quite yellow buttery color. The wood trim that was painted white years ago (not by us) doesn’t stand out at all against the paint color. There’s too much furniture in the room, causing it to feel cramped. There are clothes (folded and unfolded) piled on the overstuffed chaise lounger. My dresser is covered in receipts, old makeup, Kleenex, books, and dust. There are a couple of mismatched frames on the walls, along with a few baseball caps. And a speaker or two. Right in the middle of the wall. Do I need to say that it has no style?

It’s no wonder that our marriage often feels disorganized, rushed, overfilled, cramped, and not relaxing.

Okay, so maybe I’m allowing for too much correlation between our room and our relationship. But just by a little.

Still, the one room that we retreat to at the end of the day is not at all representative of us. It’s not relaxing. It’s not a place of rest. And I don’t think it’d be a stretch to say that neither of us feels much rested after being in there. (I’m gonna pretend that that didn’t sound like me bragging about our sex life and just move on….)

So, why is it that every other room in the home has had some attention besides ours? Do we value our space that little? Does everything, everyone else take precedence over our own relationship?

Sometimes it does. Maybe we can do something about that this summer.

What would your bedroom say about your relationship?

This post inspired by my new obsession with HGTV, TLC, etc….

Post from: Blisstree

What would your bedroom say about your marriage?