In fact, for the longest time I kept my devotional book and my Bible on the back of the toilet. This is the life of a mom of many.

I don’t think any of the women I know with large families would complain. Most of us do the same things, cope in the same sort of ways. You find that when everyone is gone…one of those rare moments…you can’t concentrate on anything and end up wasting your precious free time because  without the group there is no focus.

At the end of October I become a single mom. With six kids still at home there was even less time for me.  Still homeschooling, adding extra writing assignments to make up the difference financially, trying to keep everyone on track….not the easiest thing ever and I found that I had let somethings go with one hand and find alternative methods for relieving stress on the other.

For me baths with a tub full of LUSH bath stuff is a bit extravagant but provides the much needed break and moment of me time I need. I can soak in  the fragrant water, feel a little guilty for the expense, and recharge. It is quality time for me.  My kids get quality time with me…because I am a quality mom. I only get quality time with me if I actually make time for it.

Too many of us stretch ourselves too thin. We become bitter and angry with our children because they keep us form doing what we want… and yet it isn’t them. It is us. There is always enough time to do the things you really want to. Add yourself to the list. You are worth it, mom.

For me recharging with some quiet time with the Lord,  a scented bath, and the occasional  coffee at a coffee shop allows me to maintain my individuality and my sense of self. What is it for you?

image: marye audet via picnik.com

Post from: Blisstree

Finding the Eye of the Hurricane

Oh, I know it isn’t totally the same but in many ways my oldest daughter is an indispensable part of my social life – what little I have. At 27 she gives me great advice about hair, make-up, and clothes. She has known me for a long time and of anyone she knows my flaws… and loves me anyway. My son in law is much the same…except I don’t usually take his advice about makeup and clothes. He is good for a hug almost anytime and as the years have passed he has become more and more part of me – like one of my own kids.

My daughter and son in law, Erin and Jon

One thing I am learning is boundaries. This isn’t easy for me because I have not really been allowed to have them  for most of my life. Because I didn’t have them I didn’t understand how to honor them in others. It made for a rocky first few years in my daughter’s marriage as I tried to pass on my own advice and knowledge (some good…some not) to my daughter and her husband. In reality I should have been supporting my son in law and his wife.

Do you get the difference?

In the past few months I have had to learn about boundaries in my own life. I have had to learn to say, “I love you but I can’t do what you think I should.” I have had to learn to accept people’s opinions as just that. Opinions.

This has been good for me. Not only has it strengthened my character but it has allowed me an understanding of the importance of honoring the boundaries of other people – and not just honoring those boundaries but loving the person although I don’t always agree. Maybe I don’t know everything after all.

I guess it boils down to allowing my kids to grow up and become adults who make mistakes and have successes completely removed from any input from me. For them, it means allowing mom to be more than mom. At some point the adult child and the parent of the adult child have to look at each other and recognize that the love is eternal but the relationship has changed.

I am so thankful for the two adults pictured above.  I don’t do everything the way they would want me to but they love me enough to respect and pray for me. I appreciate that.

image: Swiped from Erin Audet Myer’s Facebook by Marye Audet

Post from: Blisstree

Parent to Friend: When Your Kid Grows Up

10Tips For Great Parenting via Mrs PiggleWiggle

1. Engage your child’s imagination: Whether it is chores or overcoming a bad habit give your child the skills to think outside of the box.
2. Be his/her number one fan and forever cheerleader. There are billions of people in the world that are queuing up to tell your kid what a failure he is. It doesn’t have to come from you. Even if there are things that he doesn’t do well you can always find something positive to say! Remember Power of Life and Death?
3. Allow him to learn from his own mistakes as much as possible. This means standing back and allowing him to experience the consequences of his actions.
4. Help you child put himself in other’s shoes. Didn’t feed the dog? Maybe skipping lunch or a snack might be in order.
5. Care about the kids more than the stuff. Children should be taught to be careful with things and take care of what they have; however when you find that you are yelling or spanking excessively because a child broke an antique vase then you are the one with the problem. The message you are sending is “my stuff is more important than you”.
6. Let the punishment fit the crime. I had a child that would kick holes in the wall in a temper. Used to send the child out side to kick the brick trim on the house until she didn’t feel like kicking walls anymore. Didn’t hurt her OR the wall.
7. Listen with your heart.
8. Keep them busy with a good balance of play and chores and time to be bored.
9. Make memories.
10. Never lose the wonder and magic of childhood.

image: Taken by Erin Audet Myers, collection of marye audet

Post from: Blisstree

Parenting According to Mrs. PiggleWiggle

However, when I first looked into my oldest daughters eyes and played with her tiny fingers I realized that I wanted to be the best mom ever. I realized that my mom probably felt the same way looking at me…and I realized that there were things I didn’t know and needed to learn.

Looking back I can tell you that I have not been the best mom ever. I have, however, tried very hard to educate myself on what good parenting really way and I also tried to be myself. After all, if God had wanted my kids raised by someone else He would have given them to another family, right?

So I read a lot of parenting books. I have some particular favorites but the ones I love best of all and have proven over and over to be the most helpful, the most insightful, and have the greatest effect on my parenting skills are the Mrs. Pigglewiggle books.

You have never heard of Mrs. Pigglewiggle? Seriously?

She is a fictional character that lives in an upsde down house. She helps neighborhood moms deal with discipline issues in a heartwarming and comical manner. And, she loves kids, which is the best prerequisite of all. So, how can I learn parenting techniques from a juvenile fiction book? Easy.

I look for ways to apply her techniques in real life situations! You can learn something from anything! I will be sharing some of Mrs. PiggleWiggle’s best disciplinary tips in another post.

If you have never read the books I encourage you to do so. Read them to your kids! They will love them and you will get more out of them than you thought you could. I guarantee it.

image: sxc photoshopping by marye audet

Post from: Blisstree

My Favorite Parenting Book

And if you think that teenage girl drama is the ultimate expression of dramatic angst you have never been around a teenage boy. It is teen drama week here at Chez Audet and emotions are running high. Well, and with good reason. Dragging kids through an unexpected divorce just stinks for all involved. Add the stress of a 17 year old going through college midterms (sophomore year) and trying to juggle his first job, increased responsibility at home, and general hormones…well you get the idea.

The thing to remember when your teen is having a meltdown is that they are dealing with real pain. Maybe you don’ t get it, maybe it seems silly to your intellect but it is massive to them. Here are some things I do to try to get through it unscathed:

• Don’t take it personally
• Allow them to verbalize
• Don’t try to fix it
• Reassure them of your love, acceptance, and pride
• Listen more than you talk
• Don’t assume it is a major psychological or spiritual problem but be willing to get help if it is
• Be willing to step up to the plate and bat for them if they need it. Maybe a few days off from school, chores, or other responsibilities will help them have perspective.

Luckily my kids tend to be thoughtful and drama happens one child at a time. I think they draw straws but I can’t prove it…

image:SXC

Post from: Blisstree

There Ain’t No Drama Like Teen Drama

My granddaughter, Bella, and I bobbing for apples.

We can’t afford to give in to stress, anger and frustration and let loose with our mouths. There are too many kids searching for acceptance because adults can’t control their tongues. To me, there is nothing worse than hearing a mom berate her child in the store.  O.k…well,  I admit that I hate hearing parents chortling about school starting up again.

” I can’t WAIT until school starts again! These kids are driving me nuts!”  , says mom 1 in front of her child

“I know! I need a break!”, says mom 2 in front of her child. Then the two moms smile at each other and go their separate ways.

What have they told their kids?  Hey, I don’t like hanging out with you.

How hard is it to be uplifting instead of sarcastic? Here are some phrases that I like to use with my kids:

• That was AMAZING!
• You are incredible. I am so proud of you.
• I believe in you. You can do this!
• I am not sure what you should do, but I know you will make a wise decision.
• I love you.
• YES! WAY TO GO!
• You look gorgeous
• I can tell you have been working out – those shoulder muscles are developing nicely.
• I forgive you
• I am sorry, I was wrong
• I love you but I am angry right now. Can we talk about this in a little while when I calm down?

The point is that my kids are going to find acceptance some where. It is largely my choice whether they find it in a healthy way or not. By using words of affirmation rather than being critical I can build rather than destroy. It is my thought that the quickest and most effective way to change the world is to produce healthy, compassionate, well adjusted children who grow into ethical, caring, well adjusted adults.

Can anyone ever say I love you or I am proud of you too much? I think not.

image: marye audet

Post from: Blisstree

The Power of Life and Death…

My name is Marye Audet and I have blogged for b5media for almost three years now. You may know me from Baking Delights or Kettle and Cup because that is usually where I am. However, I have been given the opportunity to write for the parenting channel, I think someone thinks I have a little experience in this area… I am not quite 50,  newly single after a 30 year marriage, and the very proud mom to eight of the most incredible kids on the planet…perhaps in the entire universe. But wait! That’s not all! I  also have a fantabulous son in law who I like to keep around for comic relief and three of the most adorable grandkids ever.  I think that my life is a reality show in the making but so far we have not been discovered.

I homeschool, and have homeschooled since 1989.  We live in a large and rambling historic home in need of restoration, have been raising dairy goats but I think that part of my life is about to be history, and we have chickens. I like to grow my own food when I can, and pretend to be independent.

So, what am I going to blog about? Do you really have to ask? I have experienced everything from new baby diaper spontaneous explosion  to adult children moving back home. Parenting-R-Us.  So the first thing on the agenda is to introduce you to the cast of characters:

Cast:

• Erin- 27, married, creative  (husband Jon, kids Amanda, Gabe, and Bella), her life reminds me that there is hope for the rest of them…
• Chris – 24, Air Force, Middle East, very missed
• Matthew – 17, 3rd semester of college, serious and focused
• Ethan – 16, about to start college, plays 6 instruments or so and has a band
• Shiloh – 13, wants to be a medical examiner, she is tres drole
• Sean – 11, every family needs a quiet genius, Sean is ours. Pocket protectors anyone?
• Nick – 9, artistic, free spirit… hair to the middle of his back. Samson is his Bible hero.
• Kyrie – 6, Princess, diva,call it what you will this little girl has a unique blend of  moxie-chutzpah  (non-conformist but gutsy audacity).
• Me – I am trying to navigate mid-life with as much humor and optimism as my medications will allow…(o.k.. not really. I am only on one medication but it was too good of a line to not use.)

Add a mentally challenged dog (he had major brain damage when we found him, no lie), two cats (Chipotle and Snowball; Snowball is black and brown tortise-shell calico. Kyrie named her) and a fairly odd bunch of friends and you really do have the makings for some pretty unique blog posts.

You aren’t going to want to miss a minute..I promise.

image: Marye Audet

Post from: Blisstree

And What’s your Hobby??

I really hadn’t thought much about the health benefits of pomegranate juice until just lately.  I mean, I love the flavor, the color is incredible, but health benefits?

I don’t know.  While I spend a lot of time researching herbal remedies and natural remedies I tend to forget about healthy foods.

Anyway, a representative from POM contacted me about reviewing their pomegranate juice on Baking Delights and I began to wonder about the so called health benefits.

So, first of all, there is some pretty impressive research that indicates that pomegranate juice is effective against several types of cancer cells, whether it helps protect against cancer, or keep it from spreading. Some of the cancers cited were:

• Breast
• Prostate
• Lung

It is said to protect the heart, help keep cholesterol down and arteries unclogged and even help to protect the developing  brains of unborn babies.

It has the highest amount of of polyphenol antioxidants known.

Health benefits of pomegranate juice?  Listen to this: “A single pomegranate,” she reports “provides 40 per cent of an adult’s recommended daily allowance of vitamin C, and is a rich source of folic acid and vitamins A and E. One pomegranate also contains three times the antioxidant properties of red wine or green tea.” Senior Journal

O.k…so it will handle everything from Alzheimer’s to osteoarthritis.   How does it taste?

Pomegranate juice is similar, but not totally like, a sweet cranberry juice.  Eight ounces a day is supposed to be what you need for optimum health benefits.  Pomegranate juice has a nice acidity like cranberries but also a faint citrus flavor.

I am going to be reviewing the POM and posting recipes on Baking Delights this week, so check it out.  In the meantime, it isn’t just hype.  There are documented health benefits and it tastes pretty good…you can’t lose.

Image:POMWonderful

Post from: Blisstree

Health Benefits of Pomegranate Juice

Chante, email me at maryeaudetATgmailDOTcom  replacing with @, .

Again, I want to say what a pleasure it has been being part of your lives.  Thank you for your love and well wishes.  I know things will work between Marc and I because neither of us are quitters and because we have so many good friends around the blog-o-sphere praying for us.

Your friendship has been wonderful.  Please don;t forget to check in with me at baking delights or kettle and cup to let me know how you are doing.  I will still be writing and hopefully I will be able to write about marriage again someday.  Hugs to you all.

Post from: Blisstree

And The Winner Is…

I apologize.  This week got away from me.  I expained it on Kettle and Cup if you are at all interested… Basically I have filled in my margins of life and am over extened in every direction.

Simplicity should be simple but it isn’t.  Somehow we go the idea that we could just choose voluntary simplicity and take our whole lives into it with us.  So, rather than laying things aside and choosing the most valuable, best, and most important, we brought all of that into our simplicity and started wondering where our simplicity went.

It’s like taking a case of Snicker Bars to a weight loss clinic.

The first thing you have to do in order to bring simplicity and order to your life is decide what is important and what your priorities are.  Don’t forget to put yourself on the list.  Try to keep it at a top ten.

I don;t know, that is where I am at right now.  I have to make a top ten.  I am not sure where I go after that.

How are you achieving simplicity in your life?

Image:SXC

Post from: Blisstree

Margins of Simplicity