My grrrlfriend, Jessica tagged me with a meme, and as one who loves taking quizzes, I couldn’t resist.  Here are The 8 Things I Know: Cancer can make people brave, fearful, extraordinary, or just plain stupid. There are very few things that are as comforting as a phone call from a dear friend you haven’t talked to in awhile. A dog’s love is one of the purest forms of love a person can ever know. There are some movies that you saw in your youth that don’t hold up as you age – Caddyshack is one good example. Nikky Finney is, hands down, one of the best poets I’ve ever read. The family I’ve built for myself: my husband, my daughter, and our crazy animals, couldn’t be better. No one should ever remake Marvin Gaye Everyone should... [Read more]

So in my studies I’m finding that I’m not all that unusual in having people disappear after my diagnosis. I won’t go on and on about the how and whys of why this happens to people in a crisis. I won’t go into it again about how much it hurts. I think these days I’m most interested in finding the exact right words to tell these people to go away. There are two choice words I often have in mind… [Read more]

The daughter of one of my new work friends has been going back and forth to the doctor’s for some “tests” and she got some results today that were rather disconcerting. I honestly can’t remember exactly what she said, but there was mention of abnormal cells and a biopsy. I can’t help but be worried that cancer is like the old allegory about death: when one soul dies another is immediately born. What I don’t want to have happen is for me to finish my treatments and them to get some devastating news. I found myself praying my year old prayer today, “Please God, let it just be something else.” The doctors they have so far are great, so I’m sure they will get back to her quickly to let... [Read more]

This morning I will go in for my last radiation treatment. Today my active treatment stops and I can stop having daily interactions with doctors. I’ve found the radiation more taxing than the chemo in a lot of ways. At least with chemo I was able to plan: there were days I was tired and days I wasn’t; if I took my medicine “on time” I didn’t get sick; I napped between noon and three and was able to function. The radiation has been much different. There are days when my breast and/or my chest aches. There are days when every time I move the fabric against my skin sends searing pain through me. And the exhaustion with the radiation is far greater than what I experienced with the chemo. Instead of needing a few days of down time,... [Read more]

I’m still adjusting to the whole idea of cancer. My diagnosis anniversary passed without any notice. I went to work like usual, I sat in a ton of meetings, I came home exhausted and just wanted to sleep. And even though I didn’t spend the entire day dwelling on it, breast cancer was a nagging thought in the back of my mind. There was a part of me that wanted some sort of celebratory day in my honor and another that very much wanted to ignore the whole thing. Even now, days later, I’m not exactly sure what it is that I want. I’ve given up the very childlike wish I had that somehow time would turn back, like some great movie flashback, and the doctor would tell us that “it was nothing.” I’m just trying to figure out what it... [Read more]