Kate Hudson Moves On…Quickly

After the quick read, I can’t help but wonder if it’s true. Will you truly think about a former “failed” relationship after you end your current one? Thinking that this time it will work? Curious thought.

Though I’m a firm believer in second chances, I do draw the line on what will be a healthy move. Changes may have happened, a rekindled passion with the familiar may be comforting but I still consider the unresolved issues — issues that can haunt the couple. Will you truly find yourself in the right sort of relationship?

Another thing that struck me in the article is the mention of the bit about having kids or being a single mom as a way to weed out boys from the men. Wouldn’t it be awesome to be able to do that? I’m no single mum, though. I need to find another way to do that. Suggestions, anyone?

But, yea. Two things worth thinking about: rekindling past relationships and boy weeding. Hehe.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter.

Post from: Blisstree

Kate Hudson Moves On Quick

For the more internet savvy, their activities will then branch out to reading online newspapers, following blogs, perhaps blogging themselves or putting up online business websites, frequenting forums, and for the love-lorn, dating websites.

Regardless of the medium, we are shielded from the rest of the public by our computers. We’re saved from having to face them physically. We all know what can be at stake if we allow them to be a part of our life offline. These people become more important. But, somehow, we all know that we all have to; given the right reason and motivation.

But what would cause one to cross the digital fence? For online dating, I can take a shot or two (and some extra) at the possible line of thinking of:

1. “I’ve had enough of the chatting and emailing!”

Ah, patience dear.

2. “Isn’t the whole point of dating to date and have that good night kiss?”

All I can do is sigh.

3. “He already asked me out several times, so, why not? “

Does that mean if he asks if he can go over your place X number of times, you’d let him, too?

4. “Wow! He’s willing go fly in just to meet me in person!”

Highly flattering but best think if you’d ever get to hear from the person again when he leaves.

5. “I need to know if we have chemistry if we meet in person.”

Good point but best if you’re able to weigh the more important ideals you have as criteria for your ideal mate.

I’ve encountered, read, and on occasion, experienced some of the ill-effects of crossing the said digital fence. I understand the risks involved (though I have to admit there were times when when I exercised poor judgment) in deciding to meet the other person in the flesh. being wary is not a bad thing. It’s better to have applied the necessary precautions than to regret it later on. You have to accept the fact that there are individuals out there who simply mean to take advantage, prey on your *lonely* heart.

If you truly seek a real relationship, online dating can still be a good avenue for you to explore. You have to practice patience and sound judgment, though. You can’t control who’ll respond to your personal ad or profile, but you do have control over how you would want to conduct yourself in the whole internet dating scene.

Besides, just remember that good things come to those who wait.

Post from: Blisstree

Dangers of Crossing the Digital Fence

Before anything else, I’d like to state that my mum is a widow.

We all know that dating is something personal and private. The last thing we’d ever want to happen is to have parents prying in this part of our lives. I mean, I have to admit that before I would allow a guy to meet any member of my family, I’m going to make sure that what I have with him is real and serious. So, yea, I had initially cringed at the thought of double dating with my mum.

What changed my mind? Well, I allowed myself to dwell on certain things about dating and relationships.

I know for a fact that my mum would want me to end up with a good man. Of course, we all know what that means, right? He has to be stable, responsible and has a good heart. She would want me crying over someone who couldn’t see the value of relationships and, of course, her daughter’s value.

In turn, if my mum chooses to consider having a new man in her life, I would be the same way. I would want to be sure that she ends up with a man who will not just take advantage of my mum’s good nature. One who wouldn’t just waste her time and make her unhappy in the remaining years of her life. She deserves to experience the fullness of life till the end.

So, this brings me to the idea of double dating. Of course, first dates should be kept solo. I’m referring to the stage when our dating relationships are at a more stable and serious kind. This way, we can somewhat share in each other’s relationships. It would be fun and novel. We would both get to know each other’s partners in a deeper level. And we’d be able to establish accountability for each other’s well-being.

The article had shared a book that talks about this sort of thing:

“Meddling, however — the free advice without the consequences — ah, meddling is a delight! Where responsibility tires, meddling amuses and invigorates. Normally, it is the reward of the aged parents of grown children. But in the breezy, sweet memoir “Assisted Loving: True Tales of Double Dating With My Dad,” Bob Morris, who formerly wrote the Age of Dissonance column for this newspaper’s Sunday Styles section, describes a rare inversion: getting the opportunity to meddle in the love life of his 80-year-old father, Joe, when he begins dating again after the death of Morris’s mother.” — JAMES PONIEWOZIK, The New York Times

ASSISTED LOVING
True Tales of Double Dating With My Dad.
By Bob Morris.
288 pp. Harper/HarperCollins Publishers. $24.95.

Anyway, I’m merely toying with the idea. I’m not sure if it’ll actually work out but I reckon it’s worth the shot. The article inspired me to think about how my mum and I can be more present in each others’ lives. We are, after all, all that we have. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who can’t accept her in his life and I wouldn’t want her to end up with someone who takes her away from me.

Ah, well. Just thinking.

Your cringing may now commence. Heh.

Post from: Blisstree

Dating Idea: Double Date with Mum

It offered a glimpse on how middle-aged individuals carry find dating in this day and age. If you would think about it, it can be a bit difficult to deal with. Putting themselves out there, somewhat in competition with the younger generation, carrying with them baggages, i.e. kids, family, career status, aged looks, etc., can be a little intimidating.

You don’t really have to take these baggages negatively. Look at it as building blocks to your uniqueness and character. These are part of who you are and you’re beautiful that way.

Personally, I applaud these individuals for their courage and boldness. Not only do I find them beautiful beings because, having gone through life and loss, they would still find the strength and time to seek out or allow themselves to become available to others who are seeking partners in life. I’d like to think that they’ve got a lot more to offer to a smart individual. What they offer is a relationship that surpasses the trivialities of fancy youth and agility that the younger generation seem to bank on. With them comes depth of character and steady foundations for a life, real life.

What do you guys think? Do you know of anyone who are older, wiser, and available but is hesitant to put himself or herself out there? Let them know that it’s alright. Give them some pep talk!

Post from: Blisstree

Reading: Older, Wiser, and Available

The thing this person said about this theory had startled me. It was about the reason why people, mostly women, settle. Abandonment issues. The reason for my surprise was because I had recently realised this myself. To hear somebody else say it made it more real and concrete.

We’re not trying to trivialise the painful past of people who have abandonment issues. It is real. You feel it so it’s real.

But it doesn’t stop there, you see. You have to acknowledge that it is an issue. It’s just an issue. It’s not who you are.

Individuals with abandonment issues will seek some place to belong. This will result to finding something to fill that place that you want occupied. Ending up dating people for convenience and temporary comfort. You failed to consider your real needs. You can’t help but be overwhelmed with the seemingly urgent need to be with someone. You overlook the factors that will actually deal with the issue. Having someone there will not automatically mean you’re out of the clearing; that you’re safe. But, the fact is, you’re just in a relationship that’s a bubble gum remedy. You really have to deal with this at its core. You have got to deal with your abandonment issues.

Just pause for a while and ask yourself this question, “are you settling?”

If you know your true worth, you’ll never settle for someone less deserving. Be sure that you’re with someone who complements who you are. If he or she is simply attaching himself or herself on you for his or her gain, a temporary relief to a lull in his or her life (probably when he or she is still figuring out what to do with his or her life), you’ll find that you won’t have the energy to live for the both of you. He or she will just drain you of life (figuratively speaking).

Don’t be afraid to be who you really are. Embrace your own beauty. And, please, don’t settle.

Post from: Blisstree

Why You Settle

However, I believe my story can help others so here I am — writing.

One of the things that I’ve realised the past few days is on the subject of giving one’s heart to someone. Risky business, that it is. But all of us take this risk at some point in our lives, right? I reckon it’ll be best if at least I share my thoughts in the hope that it will help others in the future.

Though I know that in love and everything that involves the heart, there’s no formula. Best for you to take good care of yourself; prepare yourself before entering into a serious relationship, before you give your heart to any one.

Yea, the other person should have taken care of your heart. Should’ve been responsible enough to know not to make light of the opportunity. Should’ve shown that they were grateful for the opportunity.

BUT.

You alone should carry the burden of taking care of who you give your heart to.

As soon as you learn that you are indeed strong enough to give your heart to that other person, go ahead and take the leap. But, not in any circumstance, should you entrust such a precious thing to someone less deserving. Know your worth. You deserve all the good things that Love has to offer. I do hope you believe that.

Post from: Blisstree

In Giving Your Heart

The article reports on the cause of bringing relationships to an end. Unmanaged expectations. Couples having set too high an expectation on each other that would often end up in breaking the bonds that initially brought them together. I wish it also shared useful steps on how to deal couples should deal with this together when they find themselves in this situation.

Personally, I believe that when two people meet and date, the attraction lies on their present state. Sure, there will be romanticized notions and such but the fact remains that one is attracted to the other, as the article states, as they are. But, admittedly, change being the only constant thing, when you do get on with life with them, events will happen. Growth. We can only hope that we can manage the expectations of each other, grow together individually AND as a couple, so that adapting to such changes will not be difficult.

What about you guys? What do you think of it? Do you agree that this is the single biggest killer of relationships? How do you deal with it?

Post from: Blisstree

The Single Biggest Killer of Relationships

I just came across this *quite possibly* useful article which reports on 3 Places to Find Your Next Boyfriend. Here are the 3 places cited:

1. Volunteer Organizations

3. Whatever else you are passionate about

Personally, if you’re meant to meet a guy, you’ll meet him. But I guess it wouldn’t hurt to get on out there, right?

Anyway, go on over and read further thoughts on why these places made her list. Perhaps you’ll find reasons to give these ideas a try. Let us know if it works.

Post from: Blisstree

3 Places to Find Your Next Boyfriend

“I still often see myself as the same little girl who followed her dad around like it’s the only and most important thing in the world and nothing else mattered.” — Sasha Manuel, SashaManuel.com

When I wrote that in the about page of my new photo journal, I didn’t realise it sums up how I’ve viewed and acted in relationships. Weird, huh? But it does feel good to let it out. This sort of certainty. I mean, losing my dad has left me with fears or perhaps the hidden fears finally resurfaced and it felt like life has thrown me a curve ball. Something that I wasn’t prepared for. Then again, it’s also unexpected that I find some sort of sense in the event.

Knowing that I’m already a grown woman but very much still like a little girl. I still treasure those moments. Accepting that I’m capable of feeling that way towards a man that I love. I’m built that way for a reason and all I need is a balance. I can still be someone with little girl notions but now with grown woman strength.

What about you ladies? What’s the earliest memories of yourself can you associate yourselves with in how you go about relationships? Do you still see yourself as that same little girl even when the reflection your seeing in the mirror is of a grown woman?

Post from: Blisstree

Little Girl, Grown Woman

Men will always be different. In terms of which things are considered important, how they perceive things, and how they relate emotionally. Women on the other hand are built to handle relationships. One is more pragmatic than the other, which in a way makes each a perfect complement to the other.

Here’s a look at what my friend and I talked about:

ME: so don’t stock up on words. just do it
HIM: sometimes actions not enough
ME: of course, women love to talk but practicing what you preach supports your words well.
HIM: its not enough. they interpret it as something else
HIM: even if you are doing coz you want to
ME: if there’s anything i learned about relationships, it’s never black & white
HIM: yeah
HIM: true
ME: if you want someone to know something, to understand something, you do everything in your power to communicate
ME: without wanting anything in exchange
HIM: well sometimes its better to leave thing as is
ME: only the knowledge that she/he understands and gets the message
HIM: maybe it isn’t meant to be
ME: what? and take on a defeat-ist attitude?
ME: that’s why it’s called a commitment
ME: using something that guys can relate to
ME: “leave no man behind”
ME: know what i mean?
HIM: guess theres really no happy ending
HIM: and we’re meant to be lonely
ME: it’s thinking that it’ll never end
ME: the thing i’ve noticed lang talaga
ME: for relationships to crumble is the unwillingness for partners to truly communicate
HIM: yeah thats true
ME: laging selfish that’s why instead of listening
ME: we turn a deaf ear and simply focus on what *we* are feeling
HIM: but its hard if you’re the one communicating
HIM: and the other party isnt doing anything
ME: i can so understand how frustrating that is
ME: it’s like talking to a brick wall
HIM: but i listen.. i know how important that is
HIM: its just hard to listen when all you hear is silence
ME: perhaps both need it
ME: both can listen to their own thoughts until they’re about to go insane
HIM: yeah i guess
HIM: the best things are better left unsaid
ME: i can’t agree with that
ME: i’m such a passionate advocate on how important communication is in relationships (any kind)
HIM: it is.
HIM: trust and communication i think is very important
ME: yea, with frequent communication, steady, healthy one at that will nurture mutual trust
HIM: dont you should start with trust
ME: well, i reckon as an individual, you have a certain amount of trust you can work with
ME: it’s never foolish to be wary about certain things cuz there are situations wherein you shouldn’t jump in blind
ME: but as both communicate, the said trust will be nurtured
ME: but if you’re talking about zero trust from the start, i advise you to run the opposite direction
ME: that’s not good. it spells trouble and heart break
HIM: yeah i think so
HIM: but you should trust each other to communicate freely
ME: that’s a component and a good foundation
ME: but both should practice *actively* communicating regardless of the other things
ME: know what i mean?
ME: have you reconciled yourself with what you’re going to say that you’ll be able to deliver the very message you’re trying to convey?
ME: can you speak with conviction? firmness? without concern on how the other person will take it?
ME: if you can you have a foot in the door
ME: now’s the hard part cuz
ME: it means doing it with compassion, empathy, and the true desire to be understood and to have the other person understand

Any additional thoughts?

Post from: Blisstree

Quick Chat on Trust & Communication