Comments on: Autism Is Not Contagious

By: gettingthere

gettingthere — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 06:23:04 +0000

I couldn’t agree more with Linda’s comments and some of B’s. Social standing, especially, does have a lot to do with whom some parents let their children play with. I think you’d find the same attitudes to varying degrees in societies all over the world.

At primary school, my Aspie son was less rejected and isolated than some poorer NT children and the handful placed there by court order. True, some parents were unhappy about their kids playing with him and made sure he was never invited to birthday parties (though 1 brave mom did) but a couple of them did befriend him and me – at the school gates and in the school yard. Invitations to play dates and sleepovers didn’t happen, but I was more than grateful to the parents who allowed their kids to play with “that crazy little boy” during recess.

As for children preferring to choose their friends, I’d say that’s human and has always happened. Childhood can be a cruel time for misfits of whatever stripe. I do indeed feel strongly that parents should teach their children to be compassionate and accepting of differences and I try do so by leading by example. My mom did, with missionary zeal, and I thank her for it.

However, if children are compelled to to socialize with the “less fortunate” although the only things they have in common are the same age and attending the same school, that could be counterproductive. After all, do we adults go out willingly and cheerfully with workmates with whom we share no common interest? That shouldn’t stop us from being respectful to them, though.

By: Dan

Dan — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 05:23:56 +0000

I’m heading into this one soon….I’m Daddy to 3 wonderful little people, one of whom is diagnosed “neurotypical” (though, I doubt it); the boys are on the spectrum. My (NT-ish) daughter is four-and-a-half, and it’s extremely difficult to find time for “daddy-daughter” time, much less arranging play dates. I think I waswhat pained me most about Dowler’s comments was the other mother’s unwillingness to even take a phone number. In short, to not even pretend (as NT-moms are supposed to do) that there’s even a chance of a play date. We live in southern Maine, and are fortunate enough to know others w/ASD kids; though, they (like us) have little to no time for get-togethers. We’re also fortunate to know non-ASD impacted families who don’t seem to notice or care that our “naughty-auti” and “sassy-aspie” are on a tear. Bless Coleridge! He identified the “willing suspension of disbelief.” The hallmark of a good friend!

By: B

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 03:40:15 +0000

I have come to realize in this day and age it is not the parents making the decisions, it is the children deciding who they want to play with. Many of the boys nearby decide only to play with a few select boys, and the girls are the same way. The parents shrug and act trapped at the kids’ decisions. When I was a child, the mothers determined everything– and we were ’stuck’ with all sorts of kids for better or for worse, and we had to make do with what we were given. My mother had a few friends who had kids with disabilities, and I was told I had to play with them, and that I should be compassionate. I did, and I’m glad I got to know them. I don’t think it would have happened had my mother not forced the issue. Now, I have an ASD daughter who is totally rejected by the shrugging moms because the kids don’t want to play with her. It’s sad. In fact the woman across the street will invite my daughter to her son’s birthday party year after year, and watch and allow all the boys present to tell her to go away. No one intervenes. (Needless to say, we say hi quickly and leave.) This is the climate of our neighborhood. My daughter and I have joined nature groups in the area and volunteer. She interacts with various people, but her peers have rejected her… and we don’t care anymore! I for one, would welcome an autistic person on a playdate, and use it as a learning exercise for my daughter to learn about differences. Certainly the stimming and such would not be odd! At any rate, there are other options besides being at the mercy of soccer moms!

By: Kristina Chew, PhD

Kristina Chew, PhD — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 03:14:32 +0000

Linda, somehow what you say does not surprise me……. (alas)…..

By: Linda Sullivan

Linda Sullivan — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 00:51:43 +0000

I hate to tell you but with regard to play dates it is often the same when the children are NT. Social standing, economics, school politics all play a prominent role about with whom moms will let their their children have a play date. In the early 80’s I was an early “working mom” and coming from outside the school structure make me suspicious. I had to work those mothers like violins to get my “sons of a working heathen” a play date.

By: KimJ

KimJ — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 00:33:59 +0000

I don’t know about contagious, but it is sexually transmitted. (this pg-13 moment brought to you by the Dysgenics Association of Militants, bringing autism to a neighborhood near you. )