Babies and the Fear That Something’s “Wrong”
August 4, 2008 by Kristina Chew, PhD
Filed under Health
Friends are expecting babies, friends have recently had babies, friends are thinking about having babies.
A discussion about the book The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time and autism in the summer school course I’m teaching ends with a question from one of the high-school students: “But what can you do to make sure your baby’s 100% ok?”
Something called the “Ultimate Baby Shower” in Boston only seems likely to reinforce fears and worries in expecting mothers. Should they pay $2,195 down plus $125 a year to a company called ViaCord to store their umbilical cord blood? Parents are told that banking cord blood is an important precautionary measure “in case the child develops a life-threatening blood disease later in life.” Writes Beverly Beckham in the August 3rd Boston Globe:
……isn’t this striking fear into people and dividing them too, into mothers who can afford to bank blood for their children and mothers who cannot?
Why is it that fear rules our lives? Fear of something being “wrong” with a baby. Fear that the $60 car seat isn’t as safe as the $260 one. Fear that a mattress might be too soft or too hard. Fear of toys made in China and clothing made of non-organic material. Fear of plastic and talcum powder, of cancer and autism, of mosquitoes and dog bites, of a bus sliding off a road, of undertows, of staph infections, of crossing the street, of kidnappers and molesters and terrorists?
We believe that if we’re vigilant and plan ahead and follow every rule, we can keep our children safe. But the truth is we can’t protect them from everything.
Seems like “fear of autism” is not only looming for new parents in New Jersey.
I’m somewhat surprised that the Globe didn’t mention another potential alternative–public cord blood banks, which I believe cost nothing to the donor and are available to a wide range of people who need such transfers for treatment. If this became a routine donor system, then we could all be using these, as needed, in much the same way as standard blood banks.
Example
J.P. McCarthy Cord Stem Cell Bank
(This is not a recommendation of this specific enterprise–just an example of such)
More info and caveats on cord blood collection
Ah yes, the “how can I guarantee a perfect child” syndrome. They should buy a doll instead of having kids! Life holds NO guarantees and gets mighty messy…as you know!
Why is it that fear rules our lives?
She works for a media outlet and asks this question? I find the chastisement to be a little self-serving and ironic.
That’s a very apt editorial. I hope that high school student will mature before reproducing, as the “I hope the baby’s 100% okay” mentality is pretty dangerous. No one gets through life being 100% all of the time, anyway, and disability of some sort can happen to anyone. In fact, it probably will, if we’re lucky enough to reach a certain age.
I completely agree with Regan on cord blood donation. Why not donate it to someone who definitely needs it rather than wasting money on storing it? Why live under the fear that a family member could get leukemia? A lot of this seems like guilt-tripping parents to me. When a child does need a transfusion of cord blood, are these corporations going to shame parents for not paying exorborent sums to store it?
KGO in SF is promoting the following:
http://www.recoveredautism.com/
The PSA I just heard (I listen to KGO via the Web because I get homesick of California) promoted this as “hope for parents” and someone said something about “comforting” worried expectant parents. (What sort of “Public Service Announcement” it is to announce a film screening with a “donation” expected?)
So, I guess there is nothing to fear! Your child can be “repaired” (okay, “recovered”) if there is a problem.
My parents didn’t have any serious concerns before I was born. Maybe things have changed a lot in 40 years, but clearly we are scaring ourselves way, way too much. Someone is making money from this fear.
(Not homesick of… homesick for California. I really, really dislike Minnesota. It is a horrible environment for me, especially in the Winter when I hate the clothing, the painful joints, and so forth. Winter is torture for someone touch sensitive.)
Ai yo, that recovered movie/website.
(Mention of California is bringing out the Chinese in me.)
I could have stay in Minnesota, the subject of a 5th grade report I did while in Oakland Public Schools. Jim and Charlie, nope—-long winters did them in. Still have the parkas; Charlie likes to lie on Jim’s sometimes (it is quite well-padded).
Well said Niksmom, if you want perfection, stick with inanimate objects.
A relative had a baby last year after years of trying and several rounds of expensive and draining IVF. This child was so sought after. She then bought the best of everything in baby equipment.
I was more sceptical about the claims of high range baby goods and realised that the cheaper alternatives also had to meet the safety standards. I happily used 2nd hand stuff.
But fear sells.
I don’t know that it’s because people actually want a perfect child as much as it is they fear that if their child isn’t perfect, it’s because they’ve made some mistake that’s caused their child’s imperfections.
Our parents and grandparents didn’t worry about these fears for a number of reasons: no internet, message boards, television or magazine reports or advertisements selling cures or vaccines or medications to give us the perfect child or keep us from the less-than-perfect child. They didn’t (and still don’t) talk about the imperfections in themselves or their children. Rather, they swept the imperfections under the rug even if it meant a child didn’t get the help and support they needed or they struggled with their own imperfections completely on their own. We’re in a world now, where we share our frustrations, worries and challenges. We’re less embarrassed by the imperfections, though on the flip side of the coin, it means we also worry more about the imperfections that have yet to hit us since we know so much about the imperfections others have experienced.
We’re also in a world where, as parents, we’re OFTEN blamed for the imperfections in our child. If we had “only” done x, y or z, our child could have been saved from whatever imperfection and “good parents would have done x, y or z and what kind of parent are you anyway?”
Doctors sell us this fear with (often inaccurate) prenatal testing offered, and sometimes pushed, with each pregnancy. It starts long before our baby is born, this fear peddling. I think some of it is natural and some of it is very much a great example of good salesmanship on the part of the media and product-offering companies geared to feed of the natural and learned fears of parents everywhere.
@Regan & Sarah,
Regarding public cord banking vs. private, I live in the Boston area and looked into the public cord bank option since I did not have the money for private banking. In this area of the country, swamped with teaching hospitals and community hospitals, not to mention biotech companies, I could not find anyone willing to pick up the cord that I was willing to donate (this was in 2002). There were only 2 hospitals within an hour of Boston where collection for public banking was available. It may be different now but I was so disappointed to not be able to donate the cord since my OB did not practice in one of those hospitals.