Balancing Career and Kids: Do You Have a Tale to Tell?

Recently I commented on an article about a stay at home dad. I appreciate his take on things, especially because his tales of trying to talk on the phone while the baby cried mercilessly were classic and exactly the types of things that work at home moms go through.

Afterward, I received quite a few emails and comments about the post. I got the impression we had a lot of stay at home dads that wanted to share their stories. I think we can all learn from each other in these new changing work times. Whether someone works in an office, stays home, works at home, is a mom or a dad or caregiver, there is a commonality that bonds us all together in this “career and kids” balance dance!

Here are a couple of the comments we rec’d from that post:

Mary Kennedy said:

“Cherie, this is a fascinating topic!! I’m a psychologist and I’ve worked with many “stay at home Dads” in my practice. Here’s what I’ve discovered. One of the biggest hurdles they face is going from a high-powered “business” environment to an unstructured “home” environment. When it’s just you and the kids at home all day, you have to set the pace. It’s hard for “stay at home Dads” to find the rhythm of their day. When you’re in the business world, the office defines it for you. So what’s the solution? Three quick bits of advice that I’ve found helpful with my clients 1) prioritize. Do the most difficult thing first. Get it out of the way when you’re fresh. 2) break up an overwhelming task, into small, manageable steps and 3) build in a small reward for yourself at the end of each day. Everyone needs to unwind, even it’s just for 15 minutes. Don’t think of it as loafing, think of it as re-charging your batteries so you can work more efficiently the next day! Hope this helps.”

I love this advice for dads and think it can easily be applied to moms who work at home as well. Mary makes a great point here in that when you’re working you’re defined by the act of going to the office. So when you’re at home, you can’t just “wing it.” You still need a plan.

Sonya said:

“Been there done that but unfortunately I was a single mom so no one really cared – it was just my duty. I bow down to the true male heroes out there.”

This is an excellent point, we can talk a lot of how hard it is to juggle career and family, but when you’re a single parent it is a million times more difficult. Just lacking the support of someone else that’s there (like a spouse) is emotionally trying. Not only that, but as Sonya said people just expect you to handle things, and people don’t seem to appreciate how difficult it is.

To that end, Sana illustrates how her and her husband worked out a schedule with comprises:

“Well, I have worked from home (although only two days a week) for about first complete year of my son. I was aware that it was not going to work if I was alone with the baby at home and have day-to-day work from office like conference calls etc. So my husband and I planned to work from home 2 same days a week and we were able to balance it out very nicely. One of us was always (well almost always) there watching the baby and working so that other one could take the calls. In fact we kind of made an arrangement so one of us would focus on work only in a separate room for couple of hours and the other one would watch baby and work and reverse the responsibilities the next couple of hours. we made the rotations and it worked nicely for us. I don’t think it is possible to get a regular work hours and focus if you are doing it all alone.”

Gully represents perhaps the best case scenario, where an employer is willing to give some concessions just to keep you on staff:

“Like all stories, there are many stories within this story that could be told, but I’ll start almost 6 years ago when we adopted 4 month old twins. My permanent residence was 900 miles from my job as a business systems analyst (which I held for two years at the time), and I would generally get home once a month or so. Shortly after the adoption, it was decided that we couldn’t continue in that fashion. That summer, while my older daughter was home from school, my wife got a job so we wouldn’t be without income. One morning that fall I walked into my boss’s office to tell my story and give notice. I never got chance to give notice. She simply said, “I don’t care where you work from. Go home.”

So I did. My wife kept her job, and I set up to work from home while at the same time taking care of the twins. A headset for the phone made it possible to comfortably diaper and telecon at the same time, and any work that required unbroken concentration was left until late at night when everyone else was asleep. That also left me awake to attend to anyone who might wake up during the night.

In the 5 years that I have worked from home, I have been back to the “office” once. I have worked hard to make it seem like I am always available and have never refused a call or ignored an email from work. My wife continues to work, and I continue as primary caregiver, since as a remote worker I don’t feel quite as secure as if I were on-site. However, if they decide to let me go tomorrow, it has gotten us over what could have been a very tough period.

When all is said and done, I do have to say that I am extremely grateful to this company (a manufacturing company no less, not a technology or web company) to have allowed me the opportunity to do this. The twins are now in kindergarten, and will start first grade in the fall, which will make things much easier during the day. Once they are in school full time, the prospect of a job outside the home becomes a possibility, but I would only do so if I were let go from my current position.”

I thank everyone for sharing these with us, and encourage others to tell their story as well!