Because I Can

I had this boss last year who was a “mean girl.” She was such a cliché that I found it rather funny and was able to see her from the outside of the situation and not internalize her opinion of me – sort of.

 

She pulled me out back where she would smoke and pretend to be my friend and very seriously she said,

 

You can’t keep coming to work with your hair like that. It is not appropriate for it to be pulled back and it looks horrible. You really shouldn’t get highlights if you can’t afford to keep them up. Who is your hairdresser? 

And something has to happen with your clothes. I mean, don’t you own anything brown? I think brown would be a better choice. I’m embarrassed for our customers to see you, which is why I keep you hidden in the back.  

You must understand why I was simply stunned by these comments. This was a casual work environment with no dress code. Everyday she and her husband, the owners and therefore the people who I looked to for my clothing direction, wore shorts, flip-flops and jeans. I was growing out my hair and had taken to pulling it back in a neat bun or pony tail to keep it from hanging in my face. I had roots, for sure, because I was working this part-time job to pay off debt not to keep up my highlights.

 

I agonized over what exactly the difference between my clothes and theirs were and the only thing I could come up with, because we were all wearing shorts, t-shirts and flip-flops, was the fact that their flip-flops were designer and mine were $3 from K-Mart. Their shorts were from the Gap and mine from a garage sale. Their t-shirts had a designer logo and mine did not.

 

So I made a trip to the Gap and spent a staggering $240 of our emergency fund – you know the fund that’s supposed to pay the rent if the primary income disappears for some unforeseeable reason. I really had no fun buying the six pieces I bought because I am terminally cheap – out of necessity. And I made an appointment with a higher class hairdresser to get my roots done. She loved the Gap outfits, khaki capris that seemed exactly the same as the knock-off version I had worn the week before.

 

But, she had to pull me out back again to ask me why on earth the hairdresser would pull my hair through a cap.

 

I don’t know why she would do that, I just figured if I paid her a whopping $80 of my emergency fund then she would know what was best to do for my hair.  

Again the lecture about me not being in a position to have highlights and I should just grow my hair out. Several months later my co-worker told me that my boss had worked as a prestigious hairdresser for the last 20 years and had only recently begun managing the studio. All the sudden there was clarity about the baffling amount of attention she had bestowed upon my roots.

 

I got pregnant about a month after buying the Gap clothes, and promptly grew right out of them, not only did she express annoyance that this interfered with her plans for me as her employee, but she was downright rude and mean.

 

We really can’t afford for you to be gone during our Christmas rush. I mean, you’ve got to be 3-4 months pregnant right? She said while looking straight at my tummy in a disgusted way.

 

Actually, I’m four or five WEEKS pregnant and won’t be having the baby until March or April.  

Well, we hired you on the assumption that you would be here for a long time and training you is an investment for us. Are you planning on returning to work or what? Can you even afford daycare for two kids if you intend to come back? 

I’m a reporter who has extensively reported on the Family Medical Leave Act and discrimination about pregnancy issues and such matters. I am well aware that what she said was illegal. But, actually I did want to go back after I had the baby. Or at least, I wanted that door to be open for me so I could make the choice. But, I was also aware that FMLA didn’t protect me because there were only four employees in the whole company and the law protects small business before protecting pregnant employees. All of which is beside the point of my story.

 

The point is that she was exhibiting classic, junior high school, mean girl behavior toward me because really she was just a snob. Maybe she felt inferior because I had artistic skills and she only did the books or maybe she was feeling intimidated by my education and credentials and wanted me to be aware that she was the boss and I was her underling. Whatever – she was resorting to junior high tactics in an adult world. Maybe she was having flashback of her own “oil field trash” background and was terrified that my poverty might leak out all over her. I can’t really say.

 

I just tried to stifle the laughter when she was pretending not to be aware that this was what she was doing. Of course, they found a reason to “lay me off” after the Christmas rush. They just didn’t want to deal with a pregnant employee and maternity leave and whether I was coming back or not. Really, I just think that size 0 princess couldn’t stand to look at me. They had to pay unemployment though because it not like someone 7 months pregnant is really employable.

 

I want to say that I didn’t internalize any of it, because I’m so mature that I could stand outside of it and see that she is just a sad figure that crossed my path.

 

But, I did get pink highlights. Why? Because I CAN! Take that Tammy Bean (obviously this is not her real name), I can have my hair anyway I want. If I want highlights, I am within my rights to have them and if I want to have pink hair – well, I don’t have a boss or a principal, so I can. And if I want to wait 4 months to get my roots done, then I will.