Become Aware You May Have to Care for Parents with Alzheimer’s or Not

When I suddenly become responsible for my mom’s care, after my dad’s death, I was unprepared for this task.  I knew my parents cared for their parents as that older generation became less capable.  My father’s parents lived with us and my mom’s mother made frequent long visits.  All three were “semi-invalids, as we called them in those days.

However, I guess I never realized I’d fall into the caregiver role.  It seemed strange having to take over my mom’s responsibilities, although I was capable of doing this.  When Mother objected to my intervention, it was difficult to persist in getting her to do it my way.

Eventually this became easier as I realized, and a friend reinforced the idea, that Mother, in her Alzheimer’s world, was now the child and couldn’t make responsible decisions.  But being the “parent to my parent” was a role I had to get accustomed to.

I’ve been with a cousin the past few days who is having to become responsible for her mother.  She often turns to my husband and me for advice, suggestions, and assurance that she is right in taking a more actve role in her mother’s life.  Her mom wants help but only on her own terms and on her own schedule even when the mom no longer makes responsible decisions. 

This is a difficult stage in both the caregiver’s and the parent’s life, one both have to adjust to.  Neither one really wants this, but there usually is no choice.

I found that by talking with others (finding someone I could turn to for support and guidance), learning all I could about Mother’s condition, and being patient despite the frustrations (often a difficult task) helped me cope.  Also, having an understanding husband who supported me in caring for my mom was a great help, too.

As more is written about Alzheimer’s….and caregiving in general, we can find more help in getting through this stage of life.