Before and After…Men and Women…

I was reading an article online, and I honestly can’t remember where, that was discussing the differences between men and women.  Some of them I agreed with and some I didn’t, but one that stood out to me was they way they acted before and after marriage.

Apparently before marriage men are the aggressors..they stalk their prey with calculated skill…I mean..uh…they go after their woman.  Women on the other hand are supposedly the ones that are more passive.

However, after marriage that all changes.  The man has clubbed his bride and dragged her back to the cave…and sits down to read the newspaper.

The blushing bride however now requires attention. A.T.T.E.N.T.I.O.N.  She remembers the long phone conversations, the long evenings at the coffee shop where he listened raptly to every syllable that emerged from her dainty lips.  Now she has him all to her self and she begins ..marriage babble.

My phrase.  I just made it up but I like it.  It is the conversation that goes like this:

She:Did you see Sara at church today? Wasn’t that outfit amazing?

He:Uh

She:DO you think I would look good in something like that? (she smooths her stomach and checks out her butt in the mirror) I mean you don;t htink I look too fat?

He, recognizing the word “fat” looks up panicked : Uh…no

She: Which?No I don;t look fat or no I would not look good in it?

He: You look hot in anything

She: You never freaking listen to me do you?

Marriage babble.  The explanation of that is for another post. However, gentlemen, if you ever find yourself in that situation here are the correct responses.

#1 put down the paper and look at her in the eyes, NOT at her chest.

#2 “Yeah I did see Sara. I liked the outfit but it would look SO much better on you.  But you know, I like that red dress you have so much better.  You look incredible in it…should be illegal.

At that point wife is beaming, and thinking of what she should make for dinner that you especially like and you have totally upped your chances of getting some.

The other thing is that wives expect to be courted just like they were before marriage.  At the same time..Husband thinks he should now be able  to relax and allow wife to throw herself at him now that wife knows what a stud muffin he is.

Wife feels reject (fat ugly unappealing) husband feels unappreciated (overworked misunderstood unrespected) and the cycle will go on until divorce ensues, counseling is sought, or they just both start talking about what their emotional needs are and how they can meet these for eachother.

Every wife just went…”yep!”

Every husband just picked up a news paper and rolled his eyes.

image:morguefile