Being the Cool Parent
The 16-year-old got home yesterday from spending the winter break with his mom. It’s a long (several hour) drive so the teen and my husband had a lot of time to talk on the way home. At some point they got in to a discussion about what the teen got for Christmas from his mom. Some money. A new computer game.
“Oh and then there was an awkward gift,” the teen said.
“An awkward gift?” my husband asked.
“Yeah, two pornos signed by the ’stars.’”
Wait. What?!?
Yes, she bought him pornography for Christmas. Porn for a 16-year-old. In what realm of reality is that an acceptable gift to give to a 16-year-old child? Your own 16-year-old child nonetheless.
I was completely flabbergasted. Speechless. And I’m never speechless.
The teen “accidentally” forgot them at his mom’s house. I have a feeling he forgot them on purpose knowing they would not be welcome in our house. Our house with four other younger children. Including another impressionable teenager and idolizing tween. When my husband talked to his ex about it and let her know they are not welcome in our home she said, “well they’re signed by the stars” like that makes it ok.
I’m not against porn. For an adult. But buying your teenage son (or daughter for that matter) pornography is just not an appropriate gift. We are supposed to be discouraging sex at their age. We are supposed to be teaching them about loving, responsible relationships. We are supposed to be good role models. Gifting them porn is not accomplishing any of that.
She’s completely forgotten she is his mother and not his high school buddy. I think she thinks she was being funny. Or cool. I don’t know if she thinks this is some kind of competition and she’s trying to be the “cool parent” or what. But my husband and I aren’t playing. We will happily give up the title of “cool parent” if it means actually being a parent.
What’s your take on this?
ugh. I’ve heard of porn-pushing trick-or-treat pranksters plopping dvds in bags, but the parent themselves?
Sadly, this ‘cool parent’ bit is insidious and hands-down is my biggest counter-marketing challenge…It extends to ‘mini-me’ fashionista-wear, thong-slung tweens, junk food treats for team snack to win favor and other ‘what were you thinking’ moments…
Any chance the ex is doing a ‘dig’ to your ex? Down and dirty, I know, but sheesh…just can’t fathom the motivation otherwise.
The errant grandparent/noisy drum set gift is looking pretty tame by comparison, ya know?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24842642
le sigh.
Amy Jussel
Founder/Exec. Dir.
http://www.ShapingYouth.org
Wow. I’m shocked. If my kid had porn, that is one issue. If my kid surfed the net and found porn, that is an issue. If a parent gives a kid porn, woah, WTF?
I’d be less surprised if my kid made porn than if my ex-husband gave our daughter porn. And, just to put this in perspective, my husband invited the stripers at the club where he bouces to Hope’s first birthday party. (Usually a kid’s birthday party is a lot of kids and moms and the rare dad. Ever Dad and male neighbor showed up for her birthday party.)
Any idea which porn star and which movies?
Cause, if it was a former porn star that had a New York Times best selling book and the DVD wasn’t a porno but one of her main stream films, maybe this would make more sense. Right?
—Isis
OMG! I am so glad that he forgot it at his mom’s! If it had been brought home it would’ve been taken and either put away or mailed back to the mom! What a irresponsible parent she is.
Come on Teresa, you’d mail it back? Certainly you’d have to watch it first, right?
—Isis
I’ll mail your son a dollar if he posts here a copy of his ‘thank you’ note to mom for the porn. That’ll be the icing on this cake.
—Isis
I can’t even come up with words…just picture me staring at my computer with my jaw sitting on my lap…like this… 0 …