Being the parent of a bulimic (a true story)

This heartfelt story was sent to me via email.  With the author’s permission, I’m reprinting it here in its entirety so everyone can see how devastating bulimia is to the sufferer and his/her family and friends.

I am the mother of an 24 year old daughter with an ED (1.bulimia..binge eating..and sometimes falls into the anorexic trap)…..she has been in recovery for at least 3 years…she has been under the influence of her ED for about 14 years give or take a day???

I really can’t remember when I knew she had an ED…or found out about it. Maybe a couple years ago…?? After awhile those numbers don’t mean anything anymore…I don’t care how long she’s had it, I only care that today she is alive and well and walking forward in her recovery. I think in all honesty that is all one can hope for. Each day is a gift…good or bad…she is alive.

Being the parent of a child with an eating disorder is not a club I wanted to join…but here I am…each day I learn something new, today I am learning that it is important for the both of us to let go.

Anxiety, fear, sorrow…and unfortunately many times ANGER…why??? The one word for which there is no answer…the one word I WANT an answer for…but that I know after many anguished and angry conversations…there is no why…it just is.

(read more after the break!)

The road I travel each day is NOTHING in comparison to the road she travels. I cannot, nor ever will fully understand what she has to go through each day just to survive. I know that she often lives in a hell that no one but a fellow ed sufferer could ever understand.

I have learned to accept the need for sponsors, and counselors, and food plans, and all those rigid rules she sets and lives by…I may not like them and feel angry sometimes that her life is the way it is…but I am learning to accept that she is NOT her eating disorder…and that I have to accept her for her and ignore the ed to the best of my abilities!

Sometimes I know my anger is because I cannot FIX it…I cannot make it go away…and I cannot do the work for her.

That’s what Moms are supposed to do…fix it.

I have had to let go of that mentality and recognize that this is something only she can do…I can be part of her support team (when she wants me), but that is all I can do. That has been the hardest lesson for me!

I have to learn to understand that when she is angry to step back..and not to take her anger personally…I also have begun to learn that if I am angry and express it…it isn’t my fault if she relies on her ed to deal with the emotions..I am not the cause..and she makes her own choices….. So as peace offerings I buy grapefruit and tofu for her and listen to her rant and wash her dishes…and often just cry. and say thank you to whatever gods are listening that I have her beautiful presence in my life for another day.

I read so many blogs on the internet by other people who have eating disorders and my heart just breaks for them…so many are estranged from their mothers and families and that alone makes me want to take them all in and just love them.

I cannot imagine (even though we drive each other insane!!) ever not having her in my life, or having her have to fight this battle alone….although I know 99% of the time she does…she also knows that I am here when she needs me. I think my role could be described as cheerleader….which would annoy the crap out of her…because sometimes I get on my own nerves!

Today was a turning point in a long hard week…one of those days when you cry for what seems like no reason…and everything seems out of focus…but at the end of the day when I called her, we were able to talk about some of the positives that have happened in the past year…her own recognizing that letting herself FEEL her feelings wasn’t’ going to kill her…and recognizing that YES we will have BAD days…but they are only days, and not the end of the world…that words are only words and that there are more good things than there are bad to be grateful for….

Of course I cried…and annoyed her…but we both ended our conversation with gratitude for each other…and that is all that is really important. That and getting rid of ED….he’s getting a little more transparent with each passing day

So that is my story…I could write volumes…I think probably the most important thing I can say is that with the tears there is also laughter…and without the laughter we would not be where we are today.

Thank you for listening…and for also being honest and educating others about eating disorders on your blog in your email messages…

One of the things that I have discovered on this journey is how so many people have no idea…none what so ever…of the battle that people with eds have to fight each and every day..even doctors and counselors….that fact alone has spurred my daughter to go back to school and go into counseling for people with eating disorders and other addictions…”

I thank this woman for putting her experience out for all to read.  If you would like to share a similar story of how EDs really affect people, drop me a line at lemonpepr(at)aol(dot)com.