Blended Families – Can you weather the great divide?

It’s no big secret that I have a leading role in a blended family life. It’s by far, the toughest role I’ve ever played – even to the point of being more difficult then mothering premature twins.

Ever since my kids were tiny, I’ve seen what split families and blended families should be like based on my own relatives who live in overly functional dysfunctional families.

I’ve attended birthday parties where the mother, stepfather, father, stepmother, both sets of grandparents and step-grandparents were in attendance and everyone got along!

Just before Halloween, I went to the mailbox and pulled out three envelopes from my EX-sister-in-law – each one addressed to my boys (her nephews) and one to my stepson(no relation to her whatsoever). In the packages, the boys found a collection of surprises, each one equal to the others.

This is by far the biggest challenge I struggle with almost daily, in my current situation. It’s been made known that I’m expected to treat all the kids equally, yet those who expect me to comply with their expectations show little to no respect for our unique situation and continuously divide the kids – because two are their “blood relatives” and the other two are not.

I’ll be very honest when I say it’s this struggle that has me wondering if blending families is really worth it? While I’ve not been one who tries to take the easy way out – I refuse to teach my kids that he who bitches loudest wins. I’ve been told that I should be the bigger person and just let it go because some people can’t be changed – but I can’t just let it go.

I believe blended families require a very unique respect. If those outside the blended house cannot appreciate their uniqueness, they should step away, stay away and not cause unnecessary conflict or turmoil in a situation that’s challenging to begin with.

How, if at all, can you insist that people respect your blended family? How can you keep their lack of respect from tearing your family apart?