Book Review: Having a Baby…When the Old Fashioned Way Isn’t Working

Spokesmodel and “Queen of the Internet” Cindy Margolis decided to pen Having a Baby…When the Old-Fashioned Way Isn’t Working: Hope and Help for Everyone Facing Infertility because she felt that there was a “lack of first person fertility literature” available to women and couples seeking alternatives and assistance getting pregnant.

At the time of writing, she was probably right. Fortunately, a lot has changed since Cindy (who is also the Celebrity Spokesperson for RESOLVE) decided to write her book. And I am hopeful that public perception will change even more as women like Cindy bravely share their struggles with infertility with the world. Having a Baby functions as a personal memoir, a self-help book, a resource and a primer for anyone just entering the (potentially scary, somewhat secret) world of ART (assistive reproductive techniques). In her introduction, Cindy explains:

This book is an effort to bring infertility out in the open where we can deal with it together.

And for that reason alone, the book can be seen as a success. Cindy shares her own experiences with trying to get pregnant, wondering why she wasn’t getting pregnant, the depression and angst that comes along with not being able to get pregnant and finally the determination and resolve to ask for help. Her first chapter “Our Story” will probably sound very familiar to many.

While I’m not crazy about her oft-repeated term “baby dreams” and the assertion that they will, somehow, come true, I appreciate the hopeful approach that Cindy is trying to take. On page 3 Cindy asserts, “If you want to have a family (and you are reasonably sane and solvent), you will.” But within those parentheses lie two very large caveats. Infertility will stretch the limits of both. Options are not limitless and you will have to come to terms with some very serious considerations before even pursuing some of those options. Thankfully, Cindy addresses these points throughout the book.

The book is peppered with helpful websites and resources, and gives good advice on what to expect in a typical infertility work up how to choose a Fertility Specialist. Cindy assures the reader, “A first visit to the fertility specialist can and should educate and empower you.” This is a sentiment she repeats often, and one that I appreciate. Cindy wrote Having a Baby with the assistance of her own fertility specialist, Dr. Snunit Ben-Ozer, so I felt pretty confident that her more technical advice was accurate, at least during the time of writing.

There is some information in the book that feels a little dated. For example, For one of Cindy’s first IVF attempts, six embryos were implanted at one time (and now, one would be hard pressed to find a clinic willing to implant more than three). This is no diss on Cindy. This is how rapidly that reproductive techniques are developing, honing, getting better. Which is why its all the more important that individuals know the options available to them.

As someone who underwent a series of failed IVF attempts before finally becoming pregnant through a technique called GIFT ( gamete intrafallopian transfer) and then a mother of twins using a surrogate, Cindy can speak with a voice of authority when she advises readers to know themselves and to think through possibilities and how they want to address them before those tough decisions are presented to them. I had to laugh (a little self-consciously) when she tells readers that it is easy to become a martyr throughout a process that involves lots of needles and pokes: “If that’s your nature, you’ll need to take extra care to tone it down.” Ok. Fine. I’ll try.

If you have been living with infertility for a number of years or if you have already undergone an IVF or other assistive technique, Having a Baby…When the Old-Fashioned Way Isn’t Working: Hope and Help for Everyone Facing Infertility may seem a little repetitive to you, or you may see it as an affirmation that you are not the only person that’s been there; done that. For those just starting to come to terms with not being able to get pregnant the old fashioned way, and beginning to explore their options, Cindy Margolis’s book may provide some reassuring words, down to earth explanations of what to expect and additional resources to point you in the right direction.