Boy Here
August 6, 2007 by Kristina Chew, PhD
Filed under Health
Friends from the Midwest have been visiting: They stayed overnight on Saturday and then went onto New York City, and will be back later this week. They have two children, both teenagers, and the son is autistic. When the family first came int eh door, Charlie sat back atop his blue blanket and held onto his iPod; he did not mind when the other boy touched him and, by the end of evening, Charlie was chattering in his semi-worded patter and running his usual back and forth circuits as his new friend, lying on the floor, drew.
Yes, friend: I think Charlie sees him as such. Ever since Sunday afternoon, he has been saying “boy here!” And looking around expectantly.
“He’s went to New York with his parents and sister,” Jim and I respond. “He’ll be back on Thursday. He’s your new friend.”
“Boy here, friend here,” smiles Charlie. “Boy here!”
Go here to see more autistic friendship in action.
Oh, how cool for Charlie.
You obliquely bring up something I struggle with a lot as an educator — I believe deeply in the value of inclusion and integration among the general education population. But at the same time, I worry that I’m denying kids their peer group at the same time — kids that will understand, like no one else can, and kids that save the same experience.
I worry about denying kids that camaraderie, if you will. But at the same time, I worry about separating kids too much.
It’s a fine line to walk, and I can only hope that I’m doing a good job at balancing the two.
So uplifting. We needed that after that horrible time-out video. Time-out does not work. Unconditional love and positive regard is what are everlasting and withstand the test of time. Like friendship.
Time with any kids is so great for Charlie and he seems very interested as of the past few days. At the pool today there were two boys Charlie’s age playing catch with a ball and they asked him to play too–he wandered around, try as I might to point him towards them. They tried a couple of times and Charlie was definitely walking towards them and by them—-someday, he’ll be joining in.
Charlie will definitely be joining in! Seems as if he already is.
Ely’s young niece and nephew were here this weekend, and today Ely kept asking for “Victor? Victor?” and she didn’t take it well that he wasn’t here. (He’s two weeks younger than she.) She kept pointing to his picture. A couple of years ago, she wouldn’t have given him the time of day. They do mature in a short period of time, don’t they?
AJ
Oh yes—-feels like a few weeks for this! Charlie often likes to be with children younger than him and he does not seem to mind when they tell him what to do.
Sweet.
How nice for Charlie! I hope both boys have a blast. That anticipation thing is very cool.
So lovely – this was just what I needed to read today.
Good for Charlie. He’ll eventually start playing with other kids, especially if they’re patient with him. It’s very touching that he didn’t mind being touched by another autistic child and felt drawn to him. My son reacts the same. He hates being touched or tapped on the shoulder but accepts it from other kids on the spectrum and most small children between 2-8 years. I’ve noticed most of the kids in my son’s social skills group (9-12 years) liked younger children, too, just like your Charlie. Maybe it’s because young children don’t seem to mind “odd” behavior as much as older ones and tend to treat austistic kids as other playmates but better, since they can “boss” them a bit.
Yes indeed—-I think young kids sometimes get a kick out of an older child (like Charlie) being willing to follow them around and take orders! Esp. from a girl, in his case.
Jennifer, you’re right that integration is a matter of balancing, and I believe that’s true with any minority group. Children need to spend time with others of their “tribe,” but they also need to interact with the broader society.
Racial minorities often deal with this issue in deciding where to live and send their children to school. If they choose to live in the ghetto, their children won’t have to deal with prejudice from neighbors and schoolmates, but their children also won’t develop much understanding of different cultures.
Kristina,
I stumbled across this blog and recognized your name immediately. I hope that you remember who I am…I worked with Charlie during his early intevention years. I am thrilled to have run into this blog while researching a paper on diagnositic tools used for ASD. I would love to hear more about how Charlie is doing! You can email me at kellytrutter@yahoo.com
Take care!
Kelly Trutter
Hello Kristina,
Are you familiar with The Lane Montessori School for Autism http://www.tmsfa.com/home.htm
I don’t know anything about the school other than the rather impressive biography I just
happened to read today in the Sheridan College alumni magazine re: Michelle Lane, the
school’s founder.
I also happened to be browsing the b5 front page where I found the link to your blog entry, so I thought I’d give you a possible heads up on something that might be helpful for your family.
Mike