Breastfeeding During The Holidays

It’s been a number of years since I’ve had to deal with breastfeeding at holiday time, but I remember the feeling of isolation well.

In order to avoid making anyone else uncomfortable (which is in and of itself rather silly — it’s natural, for pity’s sake!), I did my breastfeeding in private. I’d head off to the room where the coats were piled onto the bed or whatever and sit in silence behind a closed door while the merry sounds of family & friends could still be heard.

It’s true that sometimes such hiding out is a welcome respite from all the activity for both mom & baby; but it also can make a new mom feel even more isolated and even resentful.

Breastfeeding is a lot like changing diapers — necessary, but often eliciting an “eeeiwww” response from others. And as both based on the insistent needs of a tiny baby, you find yourself catering to one right after you’ve finished the other. Your clothing is affected. Your mood is affected. And it’s especially upsetting when your husband is not being a partner in parenting, but off swilling holiday cheer — his voice one of the loudest coming in from beneath the closed door on your secret hiding place.

“Baby Blues” have a lot to do with your changing role, your identity, and as much as you love that new & needy bundle of joy, spending time alone, away from all the celebration can make you feel more than lonely, but no longer a part of things.

So this holiday season, I urge those of you with friends or family members with infants — especially breastfeeding mothers — to make a special effort to include mom. Go ahead, knock on that door and ask if she’d like company. Be sure to meet her once she returns to the party. And be sure to talk with her about herself, not just the new baby (which is surely getting lots of attention already). Make sure mom feels included & appreciated for herself, not just as the vessel through which that new bundle of joy came into this world.