Brett Is A Dope

Do you remember my buddy, Brett?  The guy with “no faults”?  Well, of course he has faults, I was being joke-y serious when I said that he was fault-less. Today I noticed one. He is on the insensitive side, at least when it comes to his wife.

Earlier in the week, he told me that his wife is taking a trip down south for a month. He said that he was surprised by that and he asked her if she was coming back. Yes, she said, “the girls are up here.” Uh oh, I thought – she’s really pissed about him wanting her to ride her bike to work, something they argue about all the time. Maybe she’s tired of having to supplement their income with aluminum can collecting (honestly, that is way more trouble than it’s worth, sticky-icky and all those ants!!). 

Brett likes to talk to me about stuff. He says it helps with his mood – he’s actually said that I help his mood.  He says, that I “get it.” Okay, I’m a fairly decent listener and today I heard him say that his wife was crying about her trip. She said, “You aren’t going to even miss me,” and he made this joke that went something like, “Honey, how can I miss you if you never leave.” He said that. Out loud. To his wife. Geez, what a maroon.

I tried to give him some of my insight, some of my get-it-ness. First, I smacked the back of his head. Okay, not really, but it crossed my mind. ”Brett,” I said, “You’ve got to be more gentle. Tell that woman that you will miss her.”

Would it kill the guy to say, of course I’m going to miss you, because he is. He told me so. Why can’t he tell her that?

Is this some sort of power struggle? Does that stuff never end?  Do you still have to “sit on the fence” and play by The Rules, even after you are married? 

I know that there was a fair amount of mind games and BS in my former marriage and I hated it. My boyfriend tries it now. I’m not interested. I’ll wait things out for a bit, then I jump back in because if I play along, then I’m living my life according to someone else’s rules. I have a good friend and she makes a very good argument for fence sitting. It works very well for her, so I understand why she advises it, but I’m not good at sitting anywhere for very long, I’ve got to have some action.  Sometimes this works for me, sometimes it does not. 

I’m not perfect, but I try to live my life as openly as possible. The people I love – my family, my friends, my man- I tell them how much they mean to me all the time. Love is one of those things that just keeps multiplying – you give it, you get back even more. 

What do you think? Is Brett right to hold back? What is your position on fence sitting? If you were Brett’s wife, would you be tempted to extend your trip a little beyond that month?