Comments on: Brothers and Sisters

By: New Study on Preventing Autism in Siblings

New Study on Preventing Autism in Siblings — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 16:33:25 +0000

[...] was noted by more than a few readers (including myself). If we were going to have another child (which we are not; Emily has also posted on this), we would definitely wonder if another child of ours would also, [...]

By: Justthisguy

Justthisguy — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 22:06:45 +0000

P.s. I’ve written as much in other places on the Intartubez, so I’ll say again:

If I ever meet the ex-brother again, I’ll not delope.

By: Justthisguy

Justthisguy — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 22:00:24 +0000

I have an “ex-brother.” The “ex” part came about when I heard a knock on the door, and answered, and found myself served with lawsuit papers. The process server said that he was not surprised, and that he had to do this all the time.

The funny thing is, that according to the few people who know both of us, my ex-brother is AT LEAST as weird as I am, but suffers from the delusion that he is perfectly normal. My only means of communication with him, these days, is by having my lawyer write a letter to his lawyer

By: AJ

AJ — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 21:46:59 +0000

My two older stepdaughters are MUCH older, and Julia (my 15-year-old) has always looked up to them. They are like her second and third mothers. But, from them, and from having two ASD younger siblings, she has matured into a 15-going-on-30-year-old. JP and Ely (Asperger’s and Kanner’s autism, respectively) worship Julia. JP (12-year-old) and Julia tie it up now and then, and Julia can be easily annoyed by some of JP’s quirks, and she is known on occasion to bark at him. She can also be rather disgusted by some of his less-than-stellar hygiene habits (which we are constantly working on). Now, with Eleanor, who recently turned six, Julia is as adept a “therapist” or “teacher” as I could ever hope for. There are plenty of times Julia can translate what Ely says that I cannot. And I have to keep myself from laughing when Eleanor gets upset with me for telling her “no”, and she goes flying down the hall to Julia’s room, bangs on her door and cries out for her big sister.

BTW…Julia was just elected to the National Honor Society, and is currently looking for service projects. She will be volunteering at a developmental social-skills camp this summer, and has volunteered (but turned down) for her brother’s Asperger’s social-skills group (they required trained professionals…as if she is not one!).

By: Melanie, Bobby's mom

Melanie, Bobby's mom — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 16:52:02 +0000

Bobby seems to have a similar family situation to Charlie – he’s an only child, the only grandchild, and will most likely remain that way. I do wonder how a sibling would have changed things and how Bobby’s differences would have affected that sibling. I have a younger sibling with a chronic condition, and having that as a part of my life from middle school on definitely made me more protective of those with delays/differences than I probably would have been otherwise.

As for comments like Joey’s (from the quoted article), I swear I teared up when I heard what my goddaughter said a year or so ago. One of the kids in her neighborhood was making fun of the way another kid spoke and calling him stupid, and my goddaughter got very indignant and said “My ‘cousin’ Bobby has autism and can’t talk much yet but he’s not stupid, he’s not, and so you shouldn’t call [the other child] stupid just because he doesn’t talk well – you don’t know why! He’s probably smart but his mouth doesn’t work right yet!” I was so proud of her

By: Emily

Emily — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 21:50:08 +0000

Kristina, your post about part of your family talking about and accepting “differences” and part not reminded me of my husband’s family. Both of his parents grew up on farms in the Depression (they were older when they had him) and have been very successful in every way with their lives. They also until recently would be pretty superficial about which personal topics fell within the limits of general discussion. Very little was ever said about my husband’s family’s various quirks–although there really are many–while my family would be loud and lively and boisterous and direct and rowdy about it all, very open, very candid. It’s confusing, in a way; my family’s so odd, but we’re also very social with each other (with long breaks in between!), while his family seems quite “typical” but has that insularity and lack of interest in these personal discussions that might characterize someone on the spectrum. His parents, for awhile at least, fit exactly that profile of grandparents who say, “Oh, he just needs more discipline,” or “a good spanking would fix that right away,” or “I just don’t see that there’s anything wrong with him.” That last is my favorite, I think. At least there, we were in agreement. I love them, but they’re from a different era.

My husband and I have discussed where we think our children’s traits might have their origins–him or me–and it seems pretty clear they come from both of us. Since he and I are essentially like twins separated at birth when it comes to how we think and our interests and behaviors, that’s not too surprising.

By: Kristina Chew, PhD

Kristina Chew, PhD — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 18:26:49 +0000

Thanks for sharing this—Charlie, being not only an only child but an only grandchild, is quite inundated with attention. This has its benefits but also plenty of drawbacks. It’s one reason it’s so important that he goes to school and does other things with other kids and has to learn “we have to wait for him.” And the big lessons this past year have been Jim and me telling Charlie that we need to do X or Y and to ask him to wait and accommodate us (fancy that).

By: Mrs. C

Mrs. C — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 18:14:27 +0000

I find the difficulties are in the SPECIALISTS having no stinkin’ clue about larger families. Like, why *can’t* G have a peanut butter sandwich if he doesn’t like the casserole?

It sounds reasonable to her, but if you don’t have a doctor’s salary, and are living on one income, you don’t open that door if you know what I mean. I can’t be serving five different meals to each of my five different children EVERY night. I don’t have the time or the MONEY to do that. It’s casserole; you don’t like it, and you can leave the table.

It bothers me that there is little understanding of these issues. Obviously we can’t have three bowls of cereal for breakfast every morning for money and sugar reasons… not to mention TIME if we’re already waking up at 5:30. Why can’t they see that? They would look ONLY at the fact that if I give in, the fights we have over who eats what food when (G’s obsession) would stop. Sure. (IF I had the money and time, which I don’t.)

But don’t think some OTHER problem wouldn’t crop up. You know how that goes!! The specialists don’t seem to get that there ARE other children in the family because they only TREAT one at a time. But in doing so sometimes they put the parents in impossible situations. We can only do *so much* accomodating. No, he can’t have his own room. No, he can’t have new clothes that just fit his skinny body. No, he can’t bring his tiny toys into the living room with the baby. Yes, he has to do chores… everyone does because otherwise the family will fall apart and nothing will be clean and NO ONE will be fed.

Urrgggh.

OK. I’m done now… but with “treating” autism (if you will) there are trade-offs socially and with dealing with professionals. I’m sure G gets along better with others b/c he has to and he knows no other way, but of course we have more meltdowns and the like than we would have if he were alone in the house with us parents.

By: ange

ange — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 17:56:31 +0000

Neither of my boys is neurotypical. The yougest is glued to the hip of his older brother and most of his progress if you will is in thanks to wanting to be so much of a part of his big brother’s life. His big brother plays ‘best’ with children who are about 4 or 5 (at least he seems happier and less stressed out). I am so thankful for both of my boys and the relationship that they have naturally forged. I don’t know how it will progress, but I hope to nurture it as best as I can.
http://miscthing.blogspot.com/2007/10/brothers.html
http://miscthing.blogspot.com/2007/07/brothers.html

By: Daisy

Daisy — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 17:19:01 +0000

Comments were fascinating. I never enrolled my daughter in the Sibs Camp locally; I don’t know if it would have been valuable. I do know that she’s very open minded toward disabled people, doesn’t look down on them, but accepts them as people. It helps me to hear from others with autism in addition to parents; I hope listening to conversations like this will help me parent my disabled teen son and my neurotypical daughter.