Carrying The Message

Bill W. has some interesting things to say in The Language of the Heart about Step Twelve. Since there are no coincidences, I witnessed some of this at a Beginner’s Workshop just last night…

“In Step Twelve – carrying the AA message to others – I’ve found little else than great joy. We alkies are folks of action and I’m no exception. When action pays off as it does in AA, it’s small wonder that Step Twelve is the most popular and, for most of us, the easiest one of all.”

But Bill speaks of missing something of top importance through lack of disciplined attention and sometimes through lack of the right kind of faith. He mentions that many of us keep ourselves in a rather easy “spiritual kindergarten” where almost inevitably we become dissatisfied and have to admit we have hit an uncomfortable and perhaps very painful sticking point.

“Twelfth-stepping, talking at meetings, recitals of drinking histories, confessions of our defects and what progress we have made with them no longer provide us with the released and the abundant life. Our lack of growth is often revealed by an unexpected calamity or a big emotional upset. Perhaps we hit the financial jackpot and are surprised that this solves almost nothing; that we are still bored and miserable, notwithstanding.”

What I saw last night was a person who, for the last few years, has made it a habit to show up for meetings rarely, usually around their next anniversary sober, and “take a meeting hostage” in the name of helping others. Since the chairperson asked for us to go around the room, introduce ourselves and provide simple information such as our sobriety dates, sponsor yes or no, home group and how our day was to get to know each other, this one member took fifteen minutes “qualifying” rather than offering what was requested.

As usual, Bill has at least part of the answer which soothes my irritation;

“As we usually don’t get drunk on these occasions, our bright-eyed friends tell us how well we are doing. But inside, we know better. We know we aren’t doing well enough. We still can’t handle life, as life is. There must be a serious flaw somewhere in our spiritual practice and development. What, then, is it?”

It isn’t about looking good or sounding good. It’s about feeling good. How can someone feel good about how they practice recovery if they only show up once or twice a year? I have to understand, because it is by understanding that I am understood, that folks like these have brought on a new level of their own pain. Pain that I’m not bringing to my world, thankfully.