Caught in the Middle of the Friendship Wars
The other night before bed my nine year old daughter asked if we could talk. It seems as if she is caught in the middle of a friendship struggle and doesn’t really know how to handle it.
She has been friends with Jane and Mary (yes, I made these names up) in varying degrees of closeness for the past few years. Last week Jane called and asked what my daughter had been doing. She said that Mary had been over and now she was just watching TV. Jane told Miss M that she didn’t really like Mary and that she didn’t want Miss M to be her friend either.
Now I remember those catty tween and teen years, and I remember having bossy friends, too. I tried explaining that to Miss M. I also explained to her that no one can or should tell her who she may and may not be friends with – that is her own decision. My guess is that Jane is jealous and insecure in their friendship – and I am also guessing that this isn’t the last time we will have this discussion either.
Have you had to deal with these friendship triangles with your kids? What advice do you give? How involved would you become?
My daughter was the kid that the other kid wanted excluded, so they did. I asked her if she thought she’d ever do that to someone else, now that she knows what it feels like. She said no, though knowing that didn’t help.
BTW, that was three years ago. They’re friends now.
Bill – I’m glad it had a happy ending. I am really trying to encourage my daughter to think for herself and make friendship choices based on her feelings not someone elses.
We’re just starting to go through this here, too, and I am DREADING it. I’m preaching the importance of inclusion for no better reason than that was what was preached to me (my mom always made me invite someone to my birthday parties who normally wouldn’t get invited to anyone’s). I would love to hear anyone’s advice on this.
Mean Girls – my favorite movie that deals with this sort of thing.
I swear there is nothing meaner than a catty tween/teen girl.
I warn my boys EVERY single day lol
I haven’t been in the this position before but I know that I could be in it at any moment. My daughter has one girl that is her very closest friend and anybody else comes second. Can’t wait to read all of the comments that come in for when I have to deal with this.