CFS forced this decision
May 26, 2007 by laura
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
Many of you know that besides working full time and blogging part time, I also teach classical guitar lessons. I have about 20 students and this part of my life means absolutely everything to me. Teaching is the most important thing that I do. Without this aspect of my life, I feel like my soul is being sucked out through my ears. Sounds utterly dramatic, doesn’t it. But its very much the way that I feel.
Due to a year of prolonged illness and exhaustion, I was told by my doctors that I need to give something up. Apparently I do way too much stuff for someone who lives with a chronic illness. Now this isn’t exactly true. I have been teaching and working for years, without a whole lot of complication. However, this past year something happened to my immune system, and I have been having a really hard time getting healthy.
So in order to give something up, I had 3 choices:
1. Quit my day job – impossible, since I need this income to survive.
2. Quit blogging – the hours I spend blogging are inconsequential, so there was really no reason to give this up.
3. Quit teaching – today was my last day teaching lessons. I have a few to make up next month, but basically they are just for getting those students ready to study with another teacher.
This has been a day that I have been dreading for quite some time. And I feel exactly like someone has sucked out my soul through my ears via a bendy straw.
On the plus side I now have an extra 20-30 hrs a week to fill. Anyone have any ideas?
**the picture is a close up of my guitar. his name is Fairfax.
I’m so sorry!! I used to play (a bit) but just find it too tiring these days. By the time I get warmed up I have to quit. Anyway, I’m sorry you had to quit teaching. I guess that leave more time to practice…?
(That’s so cool that you have a name for your guitar! Great name.)
P.S. What strings are those?
Thanks Sylvia!
I have to say that I am terribly heartbroken at the moment. But I try to keep reminding myself that it doesn’t have to be forever.
I am glad that you like the name. No one I know
seems to get it. I always have to explain to people that I wanted a name that ended in “ax” and since he is made out of spruce, he is a fair complexioned instrument. hence, “Fairfax”….artists are sooo misunderstood
The strings are D’Addario flamenco, medium tension, I think. I don’t play flamenco guitar, and bought them only because I thought they looked cool…but now I will never buy anything else. I love these. They do take a bit of getting used to, but once you have adapted to them…they are something special.
Oh Laura, I am so very sorry! My heart hurts for you. I’m a piano teacher and I know how much joy my 3 students bring to me.
You are right–it doesn’t have to be forever, and maybe you’ll be able to add back a few students in the very near future.
I hope your health quickly improves–I’ve been having a similar year; I don’t know how I’d manage if I had to hold a full-time job outside the home.
Your guitar is beautiful.
Dear Laura,
I’m so sorry to hear your news, from all the times I’ve read about how much you love teaching and how important it is to you, I know you must be absolutely gutted. I am really pleased, however, that you’ll continue to blog, you have at many times been a well needed reminder and comfort to me, knowing that there are plenty of us out there, and who knows, maybe this’ll be a step forward for you.
Best wishes, I’m sure there are plenty of people, including me, thinking of you.
Heh, I love the reason behind the name. I don’t have a name for mine, but if I did it would probably involve smell. Mine is made of cedar and rosewood, and I love to stick my nose in and inhale deeply. Aaaaaaaahhhh….
I will have to investigate those strings. What do you like about them? I use d’Addario too (light tension, because my hand can’t handle the hard tension any more, sigh).
Wowie! I can’t believe you taught 20 students in addition to having a fulltime job! Talk about superwoman! Hopefully taking a short break from using your superpowers will allow you to replenish them (and your health!) and resume your superhero duties very soon!
First before I address any individual comments, I want to say a huge thank you to you guys. The support you have thrown my way on this post has been amazing. And while yesterday, I was struggling to hold back the tears (from sadness)…when I read these comments this morning, the tears were free flowing ~ because I have such great, supportive readers and friends that I have made here, who make me feel like I am loved, and that they enjoy what I contribute.
You have all helped a great deal.
Thank you all, so much!!!!
xoxo
Angel,
I had no idea you are a piano teacher. We have a little community of musicians on this blog. I love that!
Teaching is a pretty amazing gift. I absolutely loved it, and I will most definitely miss it. But I will not completely write it off from my future. If I thought that way, then I don’t think I could get out of bed in the morning.
So I suppose, the next step is to concentrate on getting healthy so I can back to teaching as fast as possible.
You and I have had similar health years….and it bites! i hope you start feeling better really soon, too.
Thanks for the lovely comments about Fairfax. He is beautiful. But, he sounds even better than he looks
Oh honey, I’m sending you an enormous hug. I know how you feel. But given your determination and fire, I have no doubt you will recover and teach again.
Abi,
Thank you! What a lovely thing to say.
I am thrilled to know that you get some comfort out of this blog. It wouldn’t be that easy for b5 to get rid of me, anyway. I love blogging here….and now that I am doing less, just maybe I will be able to post here a little more frequently.
Thank you for your warm wishes. They really are helping me, a great deal.
Sylvia,
Anytime you want to commandeer this blog by talking about classical guitar, you just go ahead and do so. I love talking about it.
I love the smell of cedar guitars….although spruce mixed in with a little dust, has a charm of its own. My very first guitar (whose name is Larry) still smells like coffee…and I got him when I was 10. I suspect he was used to transport drugs, since thats how they got the cocaine past the dogs, pack it in coffee via guitar shipments. Isn’t that fascinating.
I love the idea that my guitar once had a career as a drug runner. I didn’t do much for taming his wild ways though. I once had a review (while playing him) that stated:
Ms Bzowy is the only classical guitarist that I have heard, who sounds like she plays with a distortion pedal.
Considering that I was playing modern music (and a piece that involved a chopstick) I take that as very high praise.
Now that I have some extra time, my mission is to help you come up with a name for your guitar. Its very important for your guitar to have an identity of its own. First question, is it a girl guitar or a boy guitar?
As for the strings, I like them because they give a little more than regular nylon strings, and of course they are sooo cool looking. Oh and they are really loud – which I didnt think had anything to do with the strings, but I guess it does. I always have to compensate, because I chose to play without nails on my right hand, so I always have had to work a little harder, to get a bigger sound. With these strings, I dont have to try at all…..the sound is just there – but maybe fairfax just responds better to them.
as for light tension, i always found them to be a little wimpy sounding….no oomph! but high tension is awful. Hated it…the strings hurt, and I have very calloused fingers. The flamenco strings are a little bendier than normal tension….so I suspect that you will like them. They are closer to normal tension than light tension, but there is a lot of give in them.
Besides, they are just soooo cool looking
Ellie,
Superwoman??? How you make me blush
Jennie,
I’ll take that hug. THANK YOU!
You have been there right from the very start of me taking over this blog (and Ellie not that far behind you), and you guys have been there for the ups and down. Both of you were always there with very encouraging comments (when I needed them), that I have loved and appreciated.
and so I send my thanks out to the both of you.
I am trying to remember that change is very good….I may need some help in remembering that. Maybe you could be good enough to remind me now and again
A big hug for making a tough decision!
So of course now I expect more comments from you in all that freed up time. Mwahaha.
Hsien,
thanks!!!!
If anyone could make me stop feeling sorry for myself, it would be you. Got to love how evil minds work
Good thing Larry never got caught! I’d hate to think what Customs would do to him. :S
Even though I rarely play now, I still file and polish my nails as if I were playing. I just can’t let it go entirely. I think my mother must have listened to guitar music when she was carrying me (she certainly did afterwards). Sometimes I can’t recognize a guitar playing because it just sounds like pure music to me, not a particular instrument.
Hmm, I’m not sure of my guitar’s gender… Do I need to look inside the sound hole to find out…?
Sylvia,
you crack me up. i don’t think boy guitars have any additional anatomy. how does it sound? masculine or feminine. My playing style is a little on the aggressive side, and not at all subtle, so the guitars I have get boy names. Fairfax is a the most refined guitar I have ever owned (he is a custom build) which is why his name is a little more pretentious sounding.
I love your pure music comment….I used to not be able to recognize guitar music….perhaps for different reasons~but I like yours better.
You must have been a serious player, if you do nail maintenance. I have never looked after my nails. EVER! I have had one manicure in my life, and it made me crazy. It takes too much time and effort for me to look after my nails, I don’t have time to obsess (well I suppose I have the time now…but its still not going to happen).
Besides, I am under the impression that my ratty looking nails gives a little something extra special to my performance.
Hmm, I think I had an inspiration. The tone of my guitar is definitely soft. Though I shy away from generalizations about femininity/masculinity, I could name it after an individual with soft qualities… I’m thinking Salma Hayek. I loved her portrayal of Frida Kahlo, and she’s certainly as curvy and beautiful as my guitar. The main thing is that “Salma” contains the word “alma,” which mean “soul” in Spanish, and the guitar is definitely a part of my soul! With my first initial, it comes out as “S’s soul.” Salma also comes from the Hebrew word for “peace,” which I like. I guess I now have to christen her. Care to be her godmother?
P.S. I agree, nail maintenance is a pain. I don’t blame you for playing without them. It’s so hard to get the right shape.
Sylvia, what a great name for your guitar. I love the process that you went through in order to name her. It was very sophisticated
I would thrilled and honored to be her godmother. If you ever get out to Vancouver, bring her along and we will jam.
The reason I don’t play with nails, is that I didn’t want to have long nails on one hand and short nails on the other. Besides, I hate the way it feels when my nails start to get longish….not long mind you…longish. Plus watching all those weird guitar boys I went to university with obsess over their nails baffled me….I really didnt understand what they were doing. I had better tone than they did, and I had the worst nails ever.
Have you ever watched a guitar boy try leaving his house? He has to carry a purse with all of his nail materials in it…just in case something happens to his fingernails, god forbid.
nope, not the kind of life I want.
I haven’t seen “Frida”, is it fantastic?
I’m sorry you have lost something so precious. I understand all too well this kind of loss.
would it be possible for you to teach just one student in those 20-30 hrs? that way you could do what you love but on a much smaller scale. Just a thought. best wishes for you.
Thanks Mary Anne,
I am starting to get a bit of perspective now. I am an all or nothing kind of girl. I don’t ever want to do something not 100%, it would just remind me of a time of a healthier state that I was in. And I absolutely don’t like comparing myself to when I was healthy. It’s just a bad way for me to think.
So until I get the go ahead from my doc, I will use this time to explore other avenues of myself.
People keep reminding me that change is good. And so I am going to try to concentrate on that. I will continue to play guitar, I just am going to take a break from any coaching or mentoring….
Thanks for the kind wishes.
And if you ever make it to the Island, Salma would *love* to meet Fairfax…
I’m not familiar with the creature called “guitar boy.” I was never that bad, though I do still posses vials of super-toxic goop to repair torn nails.
“Frida” is fantastic and devastating. She was seriously injured when young and suffered pain and disability all her life. Then there was all the emotional pain… Still, her art is amazing and so was her spirit.
great its a play date!!!
I hope you never have to encounter a guitar boy. Such odd beings!!! I am very very glad those days are far behind me.
However, if you feel like it, you can check out my personal blog and read actual conversations between me and my guitar teacher. You can find it on the sidebar, its called wowie? I have to warn you though, he is more than a little bit insane. But at least it gives me something to blog about.
I will put Frida on the starflix list, and hopefully it will come soon. Thanks for the recommendation.
Hmm, is there a reason you chose Starflix? I’m just doing a trial with Zip and wonder how they compare.
Only that it was a gift subscription, and I don’t think the person who bought it for me knew of zip.
However, if you live in BC and like geeky movies I recommend Videomatica, they have the same service and while a bit more expensive they have an incredible library of hard to find movies.