CFS Patients AKA Veal
November 24, 2007 by laura
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
It has come to my attention that there are 3 types of people who live with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
1. People who are able to live somewhat normal lives -and actively participate in their recovery
2. People who are actively participating in their recovery – and are making baby steps towards freedom from CFS – I am very proud of you all – its a tough road, but very rewarding.
3. People who take the pills that their doctor gives them, and that’s it (don’t even bother asking questions). Well not quite it…these people whine about how lousy they feel – and try to bring down others, who aren’t as “sick” as they are.
For the people of group 3, there is a name for you. It’s called veal. Calves who end up as veal, are victims from day 1. There is no hope for them. The outcome is certain. Guess what people – your outcome is certain. You will never get any better. Better start enjoying those pajamas, and your bed. You are never going to get out of them.
Let me make a clear comparison of certain types of CFS patients and veal:
- Calves are kept in isolation, because they are susceptible to infectious disease. CFS patients have weakened immune systems, and are susceptible to illness. Type 3 people, will get so wrapped up into that way of thinking, they don’t leave their house.
- Hutches (calf houses) provide shelter from extreme temperatures and wind, and are usually bedded with fresh straw. CFS patients don’t deal well with extreme temperatures, and like their beds to be readily available. PWC’s who are actively trying to get better, are not going to let weather conditions rule their lives. They may even discover that a certain weather type may actually help their symptoms. Take a walk around the block after you finish reading this post, you may understand what I mean.
- Feed intake is monitored and adjusted for each calf. For the PWC, diets are usually observed quite closely. However some take it to an extreme level. Ever hosted or been to a dinner party where someone brings a 2 page list of every item that they can’t eat. Can’t and Won’t are two different things. Is it worth making everyone uncomfortable by your condition. People are willing to accommodate for your needs. Are you willing to accommodate their needs?
- Individual attention is paid to each calf (in the veal stall), and the stall itself protects the weaker calf from being bullied. Thank goodness I have this blog as my “hutch”. I need some protection from the “weaker PWCS” who try to bully me, because I am not as “sick” as they are.
Let the comments fly….
**picture source victoria packing
Laura, you’re right. It’s the same with any chronic illness. Take depression. Meds are only half the battle. You need to invest in your own healing and mental balance. If you don’t … you’ll never improve.
I’ve known you how long? Three years? You’ve had ups and downs, but you’ve never given up. In fact, I think you’re doing better now than when I first met you.
Take charge and don’t be a victem. That’s the first step.
Laura, you rock! And anyone can see it.
Wow, I’m stunned by the viciousness of this. You’ve made a science out of victim-blaming. Your lack of compassion for the sick is perverse considering that you are chronically ill yourself. And you accuse others of bullying you because they disagree with you! What do you call it when someone attacks sick people? Does it get any lower? Shame on you.
I absolutely agree with you Laura. I despise people that realize they have a problem and do nothing to TRY to fix it. Even if it is a sickness, you’ve got to TRY!
I feel this way, and people may even attack me for saying this but I don’t care, come on over to my blog and harass me too for all I care…If you give up hope and give up trying than you’ve already lost and you might as well pull the plug and take the jump cause your worthless to yourself and your worthless to your loved ones because your just bringing their mental health down by giving up, especially when they offer their loving help. (By the way…I’m the king of run-on sentences) I don;t live with any illnesses but I know the importance of persevering and the impact it has on yourself and the people around you.
You gotta keep on keepin on!
The same can be said about personal health generally. If you don’t take any responsibility for your own health, you will only stay healthy as long as someone’s pushing you to eat well, exercise and other stuff.
When you lose that external influence, you start to slip.
There’s nothing wrong with taking time to adjust to a new situation (everyone deals with stuff at their own speed). You can be a fatted calf for a few months without being damned to ill health. But when it becomes your long-term lifestyle, it’s your responsibility — whether you take an active approach, or play the passive role.
Sylvia – I’m stunned by your uses of the words “viciousness” and “perverse.” Not to mention accusing Laura of “victim-blaming.” When I read this post, I didn’t see any indication that she was blaming anyone for anything; rather, she seemed to be offering a verbal nudge (and certainly not an attack) in the direction of active recovery and maintenance of the illness, as opposed to succumbing to a life void of hope and pleasure. There is nothing vicious or perverse about that.
Laura maintains this blog because she, too, lives with CFS. The effort she puts into this blog, and her desire to see others overcome the hibernation and hopelessness CFS can cause, shows that she is, in actuality, very compassionate.
I hope that if you take the time to re-read her post without your defenses up, you’ll see that she’s written nothing of which to be ashamed.
There is absolutely NO SHAME for standing up and believing in yourself – NONE!
Good for you Laura…
There is something called character assassination however. It is what some folks use to proclaim their own self-righteousness… not that they deserve it. Viciousness? Really??? I don’t think so.
Is it compassionate to call sick people whiney bullying veal? Since when it name-calling acceptable? And picking on people who are sicker than her and can’t do the things she does is pretty low. Bullies pick on those who are weaker than they are, not stronger.
Fascinating analogy, Laura. I think those who are calling you a bully have no idea what’s been going on behind the scenes. You’re being attacked for having an opinion! Fine, not everyone has to agree with you but there has to be at least a few people out there who will feel energized by your comments and maybe try to push themselves a little today and a little tomorrow. Good for you.
Also, I think it’s great Sylvia is speaking up. She has a different approach and that’s just fine!
Laura – it disgusts me that there are people going out of their way to attack you and drag you down because you are speaking out about your experience and trying to give others hope. Don’t let them silence you!
Keep your head held high Laura. You keep doing what you do! Don’t let anyone bully you or silence you. You have so much to offer to readers!!!!:)
I continue to be shocked that so many people think it’s OK to dehumanize sick people by calling them “veal.” Criticizing people who are too ill and disabled to help themselves is kicking them when they’re down.
No one is trying to attack or silence Laura. People don’t seem to know how to argue any more. This is about the issues, not about anyone’s right to express their opinion. There is nothing wrong with criticizing people’s ideas. You should be able to answer your critics based on the issues and not try to shut down debate by calling their criticism “attack” and dismissing the issues they raise. That’s just a cop-out. If Laura can justify calling disabled people derogatory names, let’s hear it.
One simple thought Sylvia – read through these comments and determine whose was the first negative comment. Therein lies a great deal…
You’re right, it is simple. The first negative comment is “CFS Patients AKA Veal.”
Anyone want to talk about the actual issues instead of trying to write off any opposition by calling it “attack” “bullying” or, horror of horrors, “negative”? Probably not because there is no defense for name-calling.
Hey Laura,
I thought a long time before writing this comment because I know you’ve had a hard time with anonymous and private criticisms lately, and it was evident this post was lashing out against that, which I fully understand and respect. However I do think that Sylvia is right about it sounding like you’re blaming the victims here.
There are people who are sick and do nothing to try to improve their situation, and whingeing an bullying may be their outlet for the frustrations the feel as a victim of fate. You’re right to criticise this approach to life – it won’t get anyone anywhere.
But I don’t honnestly believe CFS is something you can cure yourself of, so you shouldn’t go suggesting it is someone’s fault if their health isn’t improving – that somehow they’re not doing enough to make themselves better. At some level, gaining an acceptance of your current health and not constantly railing against being sick can be a positive thing to do, possibly more so than continuing to deplete your emotional and physical supplies by trying treatment after treatment without success.
Nevertheless, whatever your physical state, there are probably some things you can be working on to improve your overall quality of life – to live a happier more fulfilled life within whatever constraints your health gives you. And this is where your criticism is on the mark – people need to stop seeing themselves as the victim in order to make these changes. Making the changes may not cure them, but it can help to improve the way they live their life – allowing them to see the world in a positive rather than a bitter light. These changes can be little or big depending on someone’s health constraints, but even minor things can make a huge difference.
I think you should follow this up with a nice positive post about escaping the victim mentality and how to make positive changes to improve the way you live with your illness. Or I’ll write something for you if you’d like…
Hang in there and keep writing – most of your posts are universally loved and I think you’ve been unfortunate of late to have chosen some controversial topics and borne the wrath of people who are passionately opposed to the stance you have taken on them. I know it’s taking a toll on you, but remember it’s not mostly like this. Please persevere.
I have a brother who suffers from fibromyalgia and read Laura’s anaylasis. I sometimes feel the same way about his disease. I know he suffers but I think Laura has some great opinions. You need to push yourself and why surround yourself with the naysayers. Open Mind is always the best path.
What energy you give is what the universe returns to you. I have had to modify my lifestyle while I figure out how to beat this thing. I have choosen not to just accept, I want to be actively involved with my recovery. I celebrate ever victory by singing out load. My victories may seem small ( extra minute walking) but to me it is progress in the right direction. Always challenge your fate. Your choice on what tpe of journey you choose to take. You decide to fight or be passive.
Laura – Similar to Ray’s situation, my mom has fibromyalgia. I’ll spare all the lengthy details, but we had a conversation yesterday that made me think a lot of this post. I directed her to it, and I really think it’s going to further help her get motivated to take more action in her management. If she doesn’t comment, I’ll let you know what she thinks, haha.
Oops – what I meant was, if she doesn’t LEAVE a comment, haha.
I’ve been dating a guy who fell victim to CFS/Fibromyalgia at about the same time he was diagnosed with Celiacs. I’ve done a lot of research since and i know that Celiacs seems to be a leading contributor to the other conditions. We’ve been together a year – and he’s been in this condition for about 2 or 3 years – but unfortunately he’s one of those ‘victims’ who rails against the injustice of it. One day (or minute) he seems fine and the next he’s saying how much he ‘hates his life’ and wishes ‘it would all just end’.
I feel for the pain he is going through but I can’t help but feel disgusted by this mentality. And then I am made to feel bad for feeling this way because I have no idea how he feels. Okay, I can buy that. What I can’t buy is how someone can go camping/canoeing/fishing/work/clean/cook – and yes most of these activities are not done at the efficiency he is used to, which contributes to the depression – but how can one do all this and not feel motivated to get themselves help?
The research says that doing nothing about it will do nothing to help it. Therefore, DO something about it! Even if that something is just reading a book for a few minutes that will help you feel motivated for living another day. Life is still beautiful, it’s still awesome to be alive and experience this planet and people and whatever it is for which you find passion.
Yes, I’ve been ranting but I do agree with Laura in this. My bf isn’t one of the ‘veal’ per say – he doesn’t stay huddled in his home – but it’s like he has given up. And all my energy and love gets sucked into the black hole of his misery. I’m afraid for him and other CFS patients like him because very few people can hang around that kind of energy on a day to day basis and there’s a good chance they’ll find themselves complaining to an empty room unless they can pull themselves out of the pit of self misery/pity/loathing and bitterness in which they wallow, and realize that at least they’re still alive, and at least they’re not in some worse situation like the people in Rwanda, living in fear of rape, fatal disease, famine, and genocide.