Comments on: Change or Not Change The Maiden Name

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By: First Comes the Wedding…Then Comes the Marriage: To Change You Name or Not to Change Your Name & How « Simply Beautiful Words

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 10:25:26 +0000

[...] Change or Not Change The Maiden Name [...]

By: Kathy

Kathy — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 15:59:52 +0000

I have told my BF that if he wants us to be married, he knows I will be strongly considering keeping MY name, wholly related to my identity. IF that was a problem, we can opt for a domestic partnership or civil union. Great Blog! When I was searching the topic, I found the following website (http://www.andtheylivedhappilyeverafter.com/9.htm) — it is riducoulously conservative on the issue and only motivates me further!

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By: Liz

Liz — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 18:28:44 +0000

Thank you ladies for your thoughts. I married almost two years ago and took my husband’s last name. Bad idea. Ever since I did that, I’ve felt like I gave my identity up. I love my husband. But I love the woman I became with my name.
I am Liz Simon, not this Peddicord person. So I’m going to change it back to MY NAME. And if kids come along, we’ll deal with it then.

By: Theresa

Theresa — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 05:00:26 +0000

Just before I got married, my future husband changed his name from his adopted name back to his birth name. When we got married I took his new last name. So, at the time it sort of seemed like we both took a new name. I really didn’t give much thought to giving up my birth name. I’ve grown up in middle-class US culture and it was just a given, even though I am a professional and my name is attached to degrees, etc. Well- last year I got divorced and it is a huge pain in the neck to change your name back to birth name. Yes, you do have to get a court order now (you can’t get Social Security to change your name without it anymore). I would strongly encourage anyone thinking about giving up their birth name to think long and hard about WHY they are considering this. It is a huge part of your identity, and cultural programming and expectations are not a good enough reason. In the end, obviously it is a personal decision. Just make sure it is a CONSCIOUS decision that you make- don’t just follow the crowd.

By: deanna

deanna — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 03:01:01 +0000

I, too, have dealt with this problem. Me, being one of three girls in the family name ( my dads brothers all had girls) I simply refuse to change my name. Its so personal, its second to skin, and when a guy asks me ” whats the big deal,” I say ” if its not such a big deal, then you change your name, then.” If i get married to my boyfriend, my name iss staying put, as is his. And our future kids would each carry one of the last names, for instance, if we have 3 kids, at least one would have my last name. Case closed. Ughhh for north american stubborn men! Im not a piece of property!

By: D

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 19:32:06 +0000

I just don’t understand this whole “changing your name thing”, and any man who got weirded out by my keeping my birth name wouldn’t be the right guy for me.

When I met my husband, we discussed it, and I told him that I would be using my birth name, and that it was very important to me that our children would have my last name in addition to his. He said that he didn’t want to give his children a “double-barreled” last name. So I said that, if it was more important to him that our children not have two last names, then they would have just my last name.

And they do. His last name is their second middle name. We are referred to as “the Smith-Jones family”

Most men aren’t enlightened enough to realize that they are making a choice about what’s important to them — only one name, or having the child have their last name. I was lucky enough to get one of the good ones.

I’ve had the US border guards confront me about why I didn’t have the same last name as my “supposed husband” (proffered marriage certificate notwithstanding), and I said, deadpan, “Because my husband wanted to be modern and keep his last name.” The idiot had absolutely no sense of humour in realizing that the faux pas was entirely his. Hopefully all the troglodytes will die off soon…