Childhood Spanking Leads to Sexual Promiscuity
As IF there weren’t enough arguments going against a much needed ass whooping, a new study is linking sexual promiscuity to being spanked as a child.
There are very few times I remember ever being spanked as a child and the times I do remember – I deserved it!
I think this is one of those age old arguments that has it’s limitations. I completely agree that there ARE times when a child should get his butt paddled and there are times when alternative methods of punishment will and might work.
If my child is in grave danger, you can bet I’m going to make the punishment one he’s NEVER going to forget.
I’d much rather have a few welts on the back of his legs and him crying about it then to be identifying him in the local morgue or scraping him off the road.
This is one of those topics that extremists take much to far. I can’t imagine HOW sexual promiscuity can be linked to childhood spanking. Anyone care to try and explain THAT connection to me?
The article says “future problems often depend on how the children process the experience and whether they ultimately equate love with physical pain.”
Sexuality is often about acting out. When children act out they might be spanked.
I’m not a big advocate of spanking. I have found it ineffective. My mother has appoligized for doing it to us as kids.
It’s silly to teach, “don’t hit.” And then hit to punish hitting.
I wonder if I didn’t date abusive boys and men because my dad was such an ass to us. It’s not unlikely that I equated love to abusive behavior that included hitting.
“What do you mean he doesn’t love me if he hits me?” my 14 year old self might ask. See, hitting/spanking was a common “I do this for your own good because I love you” parenting strategy. I think it backfired.
I read this when it was over at Dating Dames (the article). I know it’ll shock everyone, but I don’t believe in spanking. I’m not sure I’d go so far as to say it leads to sexual promiscuity, wait, you know, I’m more sure it does not – I’d like to think that humans are responsible for their own behavior.
Just because your parents spanked you, doesn’t give you the right to act out in any way, the old we are how our parents shape us argument has worn thin for me. Although, then I guess people will start arguing that perhaps sexual promiscuity is a choice, not a ground in behavior; in some cases I’m sure it is.
That said, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I don’t think we should do something to a child that could get us arrested if we did it to an adult. Even just hitting another adult once can get you an assault charge. Yet people hit their kids. I also agree with Traci saying, “It’s silly to teach, “don’t hit.” And then hit to punish hitting.” That makes no sense to me.
BTW I love this blog, for always keeping me thinking, but I also think we need a peaceful parenting blog around here then we can have some nice debates
What’s a peaceful debate? Every time we try to bring one into fruition, some loon pops in.
When one of my boys was little he took off on his bike up the middle of a road on a hill. He was FOUR. When he was caught he was spanked ALL the way home. The bike NEVER went near the road again.
I think there are some times that call for extreme punishment such as spanking. If you ask my son how many times he’s been spanked, he’ll say “that one time” — but in reality I know I spanked him a few times – no more than 5 ever.
They were for things like playing with electrical outlets – running out in a busy parking lot – hitting his brother in the head with a golf club and riding his bike in the road.
These were all very serious and required serious, unforgettable punishment.
I think if spanking is used as the ONLY punishment that it becomes ineffective. It’s kind of like me using the F bomb around here.
Everyone knows when mom uses the F bomb she’s pissed and everyone better snap into order and QUICK!
If I used it all the time, they’d become numb to it.
I’m on the fence w/ spanking..I”ve swatted my kids when they were toddlers, but I’ve never given and out and out serious spanking. That being said – I was spanked as a child. Most of my friends were spanked some w/ belts. One of my friends told me that her mom would grab whatever was in reach: hair brush, house shoe, fly swatter, etc. It was a big family joke.
But it seems like there’s too much grey area there. I can see how a spanking that crossed the line could bring shame and hard feelings for a long time. I can see how children that are spanked so often or so hard could develop self esteem issues or like Tracee said – believe that hurt=love.. I know that children who are beaten and physically abused at home are more likely to become bullies – but I don’t know about the sexual thing.
I feel in my heart that the Andy Griffith/Opie type of spanking is not child abuse – but where’s the line? I don’t want to be that lady video-taped in the K-mart parking lot beating her children.
Gayla, you’re definately right about the too often – ineffective thing.
Gayla, I have mentioned before that I work in a school with children who have suffered various forms of abuse. One little girl in particular who I had was sexually abused. She believed that this was the way that daddies showed they love you. In fact, she asked another one of my students if their daddy did the same thing to them. You can imagine my surprise- and disgust.
I think the problem comes in when parents equate the physical punishment with love for the child- and the frequency of the physical punishment. If the child is constantly being phisically punished, and being told it’s out of love, it’s going to become twisted in the child’s head. That’s when the “experts” take the minority of kids who then become confused and make a blanket statement that all kids who are spanked will participate in risky sex. I was spanked, yet I did not participate in risky sex. I also spank my own children- especially in a situation where their own welfare is at risk. But it is not a punishment I use on a regular basis, and I don’t equate it with my love for them.
Spnaking is for lazy parents IMO. There are ALWAYS more creative and peaceable ways to handle children. If smacking your spouse or your best friend when they are doing something dangerous or foolish isn’t an option then why is it an option for innocent kids? Hitting is for the weak minded.
If my child is doing something that is of risk to their life – like running in a busy street or about to stuff a knife in a light socket, the last thing I want to impress on him is peace and creativeness – I wanna scare the shit out of them so they won’t EVER think of doing it again when I may not be there quite as quickly to react.
I don’t want to scare the “shit” out of MY children. I want them to trust me. Do you think every child who ever attempted one of these things was beaten into submission (which is basically what you described) or did some parents manage to teach these things with love and logic? Spanking them teaches them to fear the punishment and fear the parent…and perhaps hide their activities better. It does not teach them about accpetable behavior….in fact it teaches them that when we have problems…we hit the other person and scare the shit out of them…easy peasy.
Spanking NEVER taught me that and there were only a handful of times I ever got spanked when I was growing up. My kids are awesome kids and remember me spanking them only a few times. I didn’t beat them – but they learned the lesson Johnny on the spot!
A local couple just scraped their kid off the road this week because they tried to teach him peacefully and creatively not to run in the road. I bet they’re wishing they’d used a little brute force now.
My kids know that hitting is NOT the answer, but they know that maximum penalty follows certain crimes and broken rules.
I’m a big believer in sparing the rod is spoiling the child and I see so many brats who could use a good ass whoopin’ walking around.
There’s a HUGE difference in spanking a child out of love and beating them into submission. It’s people that don’t know the difference that have caused such problems with the way the law defines such actions and have made it impossible for some caring and genuinely good parents to teach their children the way they see fit.
How do you know if the kid that got hit had peaceful parents? Me thinks your making stuff up now. My kids learn valuable life lessons every day and miraculously they learn it without me having to resort to violence.
Sparing the rod has NOTHING to do with spanking. A rod as referred to in the Bible was a staff that shepards used to guide their flock. They did not spank their flock! So the rod refers to guidance and instruction…or unparenting. Not beating your kids. I put ten times the effort into my parenting then someone who just gets frustrated and spanks. Spanking is an easy out and a weak recourse and not an acceptable substitution for actual teaching and guidance.
If anybody needs some ass whoopin it is likely the parents.
I’m speaking mostly from my own perspective and actually recruited my teens to engage in a follow up post.
I just think that extremists have a way of taking EVERYthing way too far.
I’m a spanking out of love parent and proud of it and very proud of the fine young men my parenting ways have helped me raise.
Oh and I never said I resort to spanking as a means of punishment EVERY time the kids get in trouble. I’ve spanked my one maybe 5 times his entire life and he’s 15! The other, same age and he’s been spanked only a few because he learned from his brothers mistakes and somehow knew what was dangerous.
Tell me, your kid runs out across a crowded parking lot, almost gets hit by a car and you’re going to react in a peaceful way? Right!
Don’t make it sound like spanking parents do it all the flippin time because that’s NOT the case. I use peaceful methods for peaceful crimes – creative methods for creative crimes – harsh methods for extremely dangerous crimes.
I might scream if they ran into the street..out of terror. But if my kids almost died… the last thing in my mind would be spanking them.
I have been in that situtation. I screamed, I cried, I held them tight, and I talked with them until they understood how dandgerous their behavior was. And then they had a shadow buddy for awhile after that whenever they played outside with reminders until they knew the rules and obeyed them.
The thing about my punishment is I didn’t have to shadow my kid for a day, week or whatever. He never did the deed again! Never even thought about it according to him.
The third boy arrived home just a bit ago and they’re all having a great deal of fun engaging in the whole parenting discussion in the most recent post here.
Interesting at just how educational actually asking a kid really is versus parents knocking heads over punishment habits.
I think this partly depends on how you normally punish or act as well. Like in my case, I do believe in peaceful parenting and I don’t hit, I’m not rude, and I also don’t yell – I just don’t like being loud like that to Cedar.
However, Cedar has pulled two major stunts in his life that were dangerious Both when he was about four. One of those stunts was that he did bolt out into the street – even though I had told him not to countless times. Four year old don’t always hear what we say.
Anyhow, I grabbed his shirt, and by grabbed I mean yanked him up really hard, and screamed that you don’t run into the street. (He was seriously about 2 seconds from being hit by a car). He burst into tears, and I couldn’t calm him down for an hour. I think because I just don’t act like that ever, that it freaked him out – and he never ran in the street again.
I posted about it at my peaceful parenting forum, because I felt bad, but I was happy he didn’t get hit by a car. I got about 80% slack about that from other parents. Everyone thought I could have done something different – but really, could I have? I doubt it. Me asking him to stop would never have stopped him in time.
Luckily some parents were on my side, and all noted that they’d rather scare their kid then have them dead, and I agree. That said, because I’m normally calm, just the screaming and yanking worked. So, I guess I’m on the fence. I see why a parent would spank in this situation, but I also think that if we normally act calm something less will work. It’s a tough situation no matter what.
Very well put Jennifer. I think an extreme reaction from a parent who is normally calm is good. It gets attention.
I guess that’s why my kids recognize the “mom’s about to go ape shit” look I get when they’ve pushed me a bit too far.
It’s amazing a just how far we’ve come from spankings to glares and I get the same result
No..shadowing and reinforcing is what “involved” parents do. If I were lazier I would spank…but I take the time to teach…not hope that physical pain will teach the lesson I couldn’t bring myself to put the effort into.
And yes…ask kids who were spanked. I had one spanking parent and one non spanking parent. One has waaaaay more respect from me than the other…and to this day I have trust issues with the one who spanked. One parented and one spanked.
Jennifer I think you handled it well. Your reaction was a natural reaction…it wasn’t a punishment. You got your message across and you didn’t have to hit.
Isn’t it great we live in a place that allows us both to parent the way we want to?
I’m sure glad I don’t have issues beyond having zero tolerance for hard headed people.
This topic has absorbed enough of my day. TTFN Hope you get help with those issues. I can’t imagine having issues with my parents like that.
The only issue I take up is with my dad who has developed a real passion for reading the Bible. I told him if he weren’t careful people would begin to worry thinking he was cramming for finals.
I say if your method of parenting works for you, more power to you. I just hope it doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass. I firmly believe a certain level of fear of a parent is healthy. Respect is fine, but a parent needs to be feared at least a bit.
I’m here to parent, not be their friend!
Have a good evening, I’m outtie here.
Bite me is the ass? According to Dr. Phil “long-term consequences of spanking can include increased aggressiveness, antisocial behavior, and delinquency.” There are hundreds of other studies that have concluded something similar. Can’t remember the last time I read a study about the effectiveness of spanking. Maybe never. Furthermore it is illegal in some developed European countries and their crime and social problems are way less than ours in the US.
Guess I better cancel my plans to move to Europe. Boy that was close!
Tiffany, I think you are overgeneralizing by saying that parents who spank are lazy. I’m a very involved parent, and I very rarely spank. That being said, there have been times when I have spanked. For one of my children, spanking is not effective, so it is not done. There are plenty of times that a jerk and yell does great- just as Jennifer did. And that’s the great thing about America- I can choose to parent my children as I see fit- so long as I am not abusing or torturing them.
I take issue with you likening a spanking to a beating. If you want to see kids who have been beaten, come spend a week in my school. Trust me, my swat is nothing compared to seeing children who have belt marks left on their backs. And I’m sure it’s the same with Gayla. I was spanked, and I have absolutely zero trust issues with my parents. And just so you know, my own children are healthy and well adjusted and loving. And they know their boundaries. Do I spank everyday? No. Every week? No. Every month? No. It is not a common source of punishment. I think that is the point you are missing in all of this.
Is it okay to wack your spouse around every other month? Just as long as you don’t do it to frequently? I think not. But hey, as with all things the decision is yours.
You said no belt marks on their back but in the original post it mentions welt marks on the legs being okay…I don’t see much of a difference.
I never said I leave welt marks on my children’s legs. I’ve never left one mark on my children. You need to check yourself. I’m sure you have an answer for everything though. You don’t know one shred of information about me, except that I have spanked my child at some point. You don’t know how many times even. Yet you judge. I haven’t attacked you, and called you a pussy or a push over or a wimp for not spanking, so back off. Why don’t you go teach your children something creative and quit attacking people for expressing their opinions without judgement? Then the rest of us “lazy” parents can enjoy this forum.
Tiffany, our role w/ our husbands is one of equality – they are adults. Our children are our RESPONSIBILITY. You can’t make that comparison.
And I think Dr.Phil’s advice and studies are probably right on the money when it comes to parents who do nothing but spank – but that’s not what Gayla’s talking about.
And, if I was LAZY, I wouldn’ t even be a parent..there’s nothing about parenting that screams to me “lay on the couch”, “relax”, “don’t worry – bills will be paid by the dream fairy”
No Mandy…I didn’t say YOU wrote it. The post we are commenting on said it.
And Ashley I do consider my children equals. They are flesh and blood humans just like me. Weaker and more vulnerable than I though….so that is why I don’t think hitting is approprite.
‘A local couple just scraped their kid off the road this week because they tried to teach him peacefully and creatively not to run in the road. I bet they’re wishing they’d used a little brute force now’
So according to you Gayla road trafffic accidents could be reduced if more parents spanked their children.What a ridiculous comment!
There have been numerous studies which strongly suggest that spanking negatively affects child development. Find me one that argues contrary to this and I will be amazed.
There are far better ways of disciplining children than resorting to violence.
David, you’re just like every other person who takes a simple, very direct comment and makes a F’n mountain out of it.
It’s not like I’m saying that I spanked my kids on a daily basis. I spanked them for actions that were life threatening. I scared the shit out of them in a way that made them NEVER want to repeat the act.
Would I do it again? You bet!
Was it effective? Check out what my kids had to say about it in one of the follow up posts just beyond this one.
My kids are 15. I spanked EACH Maybe 5 times their entire lives. It was nothing that was excessive and I don’t think spanking should be used as the ONLY form of punishment, but I think it should be used as the brute force, get attention NOW, make the kid NEVER want to do it again sort of punishment.
I could care less about numerous studies – when it comes to children and raising them, there is NO perfect recipe. I especially love how father’s who have little time invested in their children or therapists who don’t have children think they’re an expert on children.
My brother has a couple of step-kids and their mother doesn’t believe in spanking – but “talking” to them about what they’ve done wrong.
One of the little brats threw eggs all over my house – the other kicks, hits and giggles thinking it’s so fun!
Just gave me an idea for another post. Fact is, I can’t stand the kids and it’s caused me to not want to visit my brother and my brother comes to spend some weekends at my house because he can’t stand to be around them. They are BRATS!
Your brother’s step kids might behavior might have more to do with lack of real instruction and parenting NOT lack of spanking.
Refusing to spank does not have to be some form of unparenting as you seem to suggest. You are way off base.
You think I’m off base, I think you are – now that’s settled, can we just move on?
I am living proof that this statment is true. I am a junior in college and my parents would spank me for the most nonsensical things, such as swearing accidentally or not wanting to go to daycare.
I am now an alcoholic and a slight drug addict. I have alot of sex for control. In my freshman year i was date raped not once but 3 times.
but it didnt even phase me
Jessica, do you feel you would have been effected negatively if the spankings had been doled out only for big punishments – like every once in a while? I guess I’m asking, do you feel like your parents misused spanking in a negative way, or do you feel like any kind of spanking scenario is problematic?
Also, were your parents addicts?
I agree…although I’m not pro-spanking, I have a hard time buying the argument that spanking increases sexual promiscuity. I do think other forms of disicipline are typically more effective, but I don’t think an occasional spanking is out of line in specific situations. There is a great debate about spanking at http://www.opposingviews.com/questions/is-spanking-an-acceptable-form-of-discipline Experts from both sides weigh in….really interesting read on the topic with lots of good arguments!
Child buttock-battering for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.
Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.
I think the reason why television shows like “Supernanny” and “Dr. Phil” are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.
There are several reasons why child buttock-battering isn’t a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:
Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak
The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson
NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor M.D., and Adah Maurer Ph.D.
Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational literature, testimonies, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research on the topic.
Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child buttock-battering isn’t a good idea:
American Academy of Pediatrics
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
Center For Effective Discipline
PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health Professionals
Churches’ Network For Non-Violence
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu (Global Initiative)
Parenting in Jesus’ Footsteps
United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children
Countries where child buttock-battering is prohibited by law:
Sweden, Finland, Norway, Austria, Cyprus, Italy, Denmark, Latvia, Croatia, Bulgaria, Germany, Israel, Iceland, Ukraine, Romania, Hungary, Greece, Netherlands, New Zealand, Portugal, Uruguay, Venezuela, Chile, Spain, Costa Rica, Republic of Moldova, and more in process.
In fact, the US was the only UN member who did not sign the Convention on the Rights of the Child.