“Clean” Bikini Line
June 24, 2007 by Tracee Sioux
Filed under Parenting
I have tried some pretty extreme ways to remove the hair from my bikini line. Two of them are so embarrassing I’ll resist my compulsion to share them with you.
I just tried the new Noxema Soothe and Smooth Refreshing Bikini Spray which claims to relieve irritation, bumps and redness. It does not work. Don’t waste your money.
I’ve tried shaving cream and really expensive razors. When Veet hair remover first came out I nearly burned my vajayjay off. Acidic poison burn is really not better than razor burn in the way off wearing a swim suit in public. I’ve used Nair but it gives you a different kind of rash. I’m kind of going for NO RASH at all. I’ve tried the at-home wax products that claim to be painless and lemme tell ya - there IS pain involved. You really need a third party to be waxed, someone with little sympathy or compassion and someone you know intimately enough to do the deed. My husband isn’t really into jobs like this. Spoils the romance to rip the hair off the Netherlands of your spouse. (However, I think I might get into doing it to him. What does that say about me?) I’ve even tried rubbing the area with deodorant to stop the bumping and itching and it works as well as anything.
If you’ve caught me staring at your crotch at the pool or beach, please don’t be offended. I’m just trying to figure out if I am the only one with this problem.
Professional bikini waxing is definitely the way to go. But, in a small town it’s like $60, which is ridiculous and also so not in my budget to be able to maintain for the whole summer. Maybe for like a second honeymoon or something.
So I wear these board shorts. I know I look like a dork. I just would rather look like a dork than have a irritating rash down there.
It’s ironic really, I remember making terrible fun of my sister for wearing shorts like these about 8 years ago.
Remember the Vagina Monologues? They had a whole segment about pubic hair and how you can’t really love the vagina if you hate pubic hair. At the time I had a well-kept bikini area and couldn’t relate at all. Now, I’m truly wishing it were trendy to let it grow like a wild forest. I’m just sick of dealing with my pubes.
Watching the Girls Next Door and their attitudes about how “gross” a hairy pubic area is makes me want to blame the whole thing on Hugh Hephner. Do you think pubic hair being thought of as “ugly” is all Playboy’s fault?
If that geezer hadn’t started shaving his bunnies bare for the magazine would the fad have really caught on? Would we be using words like “clean” to discribe a bare bikini line? What’s the opposite of that besides “dirty?” I thought “dirty” was kind of what they wanted anyway.
Is it time to just give up the battle of the bikini line?
I don’t know if I am supposed to be laughing right now, but just couldn’t help myself. It is a gigantic pain in the butt to deal with this… topic. (No pun intended) Next time… I’m coming back as a man!
I’m with you there Sister! Sometimes my daughter winces when I’m doing her hair. I tell her “Do you think beauty is painless? Boy, are you in for a rude awakening!”
Tracee
Now *that* is funny in the way that only something so true can be. And I learned a new word “vajayjay”. My day is complete.
Maggie,
How I would love to take credit for coining the term vajayjay. But, alas, I must give credit to the writers of Greys Anatomy. I’ve also heard Oprah use the word a bunch.
Seriously, doesn’t anyone have a solution to this problem?
Tracee
I am in the same boat as you Tracee. I’ve tried some many different products and had many reactions that I now stick to board shorts as well. They’re not the most flattering on my pear shaped body but it beats an irritating rash.
My husband likes a full bush. We looked at some English nudie mags a while back and the women were all natural. It kind of amazed me that I don’t even have that image of women in my head. Thanks Playboy! I have no desire for my privates to look like a prepubescent girl’s. I think a full bush is totally sexy. And, if a few hairs fall out of your swimsuit? Oh the panic, people will know you are a grown woman.
Yeah, thanks Playboy! Bastards. I really don’t want my vajayjay to look like a child’s either. But, I can’t get okay with the pubes on the outside of my suit. But, I can’t get down with all the planning and effort and pain banishing them takes.
Glad you’re happy with your bush. Since pregnancies I’ve been a lot fuller myself. Very random “clean bikini line” for me. I mean random.
Tracee
Outrageous post!!!! Love it. I manage the whole thing by trimming the hair really short with this cute little electric razor thing. That way the hair is cut above the skin, not on it or from the roots, and I’ve never had a problem since. Perhaps you could borrow hubby’s electric razor for a trial ^_^
Great post! I can definitely relate. Personally, I wear a bathing suit with “boy short” bottoms.
I read in a recent issue of Glamour that some of their staffers stopped shaving for 2 weeks during the summer to see what happened. It turned out that noone noticed (or at least nobody commented on it). I definitely couldn’t go for 2 weeks, but that’s helped to remind me that others don’t scrutinize my body hair like I do.
I don’t know if I could dare wear a swim suit without the shorts with hair down there. I’m sure no one would say anything, until they got in the car and started talking about how disgusting that European Lady who didn’t shave her coochie was.
Tracee
Omg. You’re an awesome writer. I love this article.
Baby, I am all about the board shorts. I wear them with a bikini top and commando underneath. Not only do I not have to worry about looking like a hairy freak, but I have pockets to keep the wallet and car keys. win win all the way around.
I just came across this post, and would like to offer an opinion and correct a factual error. I grew up in the early days of Playboy when pubic hair was the forbidden fruit (probably the main reason I have always found it very erotic). Centerfolds with pubes didn’t appear until the late 60s, and didn’t really stop until the early 90s, by which time the medieval torture - also known as the brazilian- had been created by some brazilian sisters in a NYC salon. I say this with anguish, because I agree with Sari’s husband - a full bush reminds me I am making love to a woman and not a 10-year old with boobs. So don’t fret about a couple of stray hairs sticking out of your swimsuit, ladies; some of us know and appreciate the difference between real women and siliconed, botoxed, brazilianed, air-brushed bimbos.
I shave my junk on a regular basis…not ‘cos it’s a guy thing, but because I figure if my wife is going to be “nice”, perhaps she doesn’t want a mouthful of hair. I like that she feels the same way. We don’t do it for anyone else, just us.
Jeff - that’s funny. My husband feels the need to ‘clean it up’ down there too (especially if I’ve done something different or drastic in that area). I’ve never asked him to, but I think you two are thinking along the same lines. The funny think is though, I don’t know if I would be cool with him actually shaving it - men are supposed to be somewhat hairy.. Maybe we’re all torturing ourselves for no reason - maybe neither of us really want the other to look like a kid down there, just tidied up a bit..
You have a point Jeff, I used to feel it was polite and good manners to keep it groomed for my hubby. It used to be more important than it is.
Trimming though doesn’t irritate the skin, which I still keep up a little.
I don’t think that Hughs Playboy is solely responsible for that but on the other hand - playboy is the only magazine with a large audience showing shaved pubic areas. I’d say the whole porn business started this shaving thing off…
Andreas
Okay, surprisingly, this is a MAJOR issue but there are things you can do for your vajayvay hair (one of my favorite words). (1) If you choose to shave, use a real razor with minimal blades, not 4 or 5. (2) Clean your bikini area before and after every shave and between shaves with a body antibacterial cleanser. (3) Use hydrocortizone cream as soon as you are dried off to prevent irritation. (4) Take an ibruprophen to reduce swelling and irritation. (5) Trimming the hair very short is a great way to reduce irritation, ingrown hairs, and bikini line infections. (6) For permanent hassle free results you have to laser. It is not cheap and there are several factors that play a role in its’ effectiveness. The lighter your skin and the darker the hair is ideal, the laser and it’s energy are attracted to pigment, if your skin is tanner then the light will emit into the skin therefore taking away from the energy that should be emitting into the hair and it’s folicle. You must be able to deal with the pain. I don’t care if you apply topical lidocaine or your Dr. placed ice bags on your skin beforehand, this is worse than waxing! You must also be able to afford it and keep up with it. I would say you would have to go consecutively every month or two for 6 to 8 treatments and maybe a treatment every 6 month therefore after for a few years depending on your age, for best results.
Hey, I know this post is from a while ago, but I wanted to throw this out there in case anyone wanted to try it. I got a mechanical tweezer called “the Tweeze” from Bed Bath and Beyond, which advertised being on TV, and it was decently cheap. It takes forever to use it on the bikini line, because it has to pluck the hairs one by one, so you have to put aside a lot of time, but besides that it’s a pretty good solution. Normal tweezers do not have the same results. It doesn’t hurt too much but it’s pulling the hair out by the roots, so the more you do it the less it comes back. I have very sensitive skin but I don’t get ANY ingrown hairs or rashes from this. It leaves my skin really smooth. Anyway, it’s my solution for the time being, and I thought I’d share it
Bikini Zone works great for irritation. I was never one to shave. My husband asked me to try it once and I hated it. Now I shave the bikini area and one strip into my womanhood. The rest I just trim. It feels so sexy. And then there is the oral sex… OMG ~ heaven. You can also try eye drops on your crotch, LOL. it gets the red out. Just a drop or two on your bikini area gets rid of redness and bumps. Give it a try ladies and see if he can leave you alone.
eye drops really? hmmmm.
Personally, I swear by Nair’s Sensative bikini cream. Both my boyfriend and I use it to keep things clean down there, and neither of us have ever had an issue.
However, I wouldn’t recommend all Nair products for bikini use. I tend to use their Shower Power everywhere, but I know it can cause burns and rashes if incorrectly applied.
I just wanted to let ppl know that for the bikini line Nair bikini cream is a LIFESAVER im just working on the Brazilian area which is a big pain in the A**!! LOL good luck!