Coming Home Strategies

When AJ came home from Russia my husband and I had a list of things we would do and would not do. We also had a very strict schedule for AJ. For AJ this worked best, as he was very hyper-vigilant and anxious about everything. He was overstimulated easily, did not like strangers, (or liked them too much), would not give eye contact, melted down easily, did not have a sleep scheduled due to the time change, and was just an all out wreck.

I remember one morning about two days after coming home I allowed him to run free on the first floor of our house. He ran in a circle through the kitchen, living room, family room, and hallway until he passed out on the carpet. The entire time he did not paused to listen to my voice or to look at me. I put the gates back up on the family room doorways after that. He just could not handle large spaces yet.

We ended up hibernating for a good 6 months (as much as we could). Here are some tips from Adoption Doctors.

1. Immediately during the post-adoption period, do not over stimulate the child. Avoid trips to toy-r-us, Disneyland, and large gatherings. When exposed to this type of environment children tend to have meltdown, hyperactive and out of control
2. Child should be placed in a well-structured routine. Do not allow the child to become the center of attention
3. Families should stay home with child for as long as possible.
4. Expose the child only to close family members during the post-adoption period. (our family was not near us and since AJ had a difficult time attaching to us this was a good thing)
5. One parent should be home with the child for the first couple of months.
6. Exposure to both parents is optimal as long as it is as financially feasible.
7. Avoid daycare immediately after arrival
8. Try to communicate during the first 2-3 months in the child native language.
9. Do not try to force the child to learn English right away, it will come in it own time.
10. Child should stay home with a primary parent as opposed to a nanny or babysitter.
11. If available, have the child socialize with a child from a similar institutional setting and culture.
12. Older children should be enrolled in school as soon as possible. (I disagree with this. Older children should be given time to acclimate to the culture and family first)
13. Schools usually place these children in “English as second language program” Insist that the child be placed in mainstream classes. Language will develop rather quickly if the child is exposed to the English language.
14. Post-Institutionalized children tend to become fixated on junk food, such as hot dogs, sweets, chips and soda immediately. Let them eat but not just what they want or like. Set limits. Since they have never had junk food, it becomes an obsession.
15. Initially try to recreate the diet that the children had in the orphanage. Gradually transition them to your families diet slowly over time.
16. In regards to television, avoid shows that have aggressive tendencies. Disney type movies are usually calm, have good language are funny and have good moral values. Children tend to imitate things that they see. Having them watch power rangers is almost a guarantee to have a power ranger in your living room wrecking your furniture very soon. (for some time we only allowed TV without sound. The overstimulation was too much)
17. Children need to earn activities and privileges based on their daily performances. Good behaviors need to be rewarded and bad behavior needs to be gently punished by taking away privileges like favorite toys, games for short period of times. Never ever use corporal punishment.

Adopting a post-institutionalized child is a extremely difficult undertaking. If your expectations of international adoption that all that you need to do is to travel overseas to pick-up a child, put him into GAP clothing and expect him to function in our society without problems, then maybe International Adoption is not for you.

Consistency and complete dedication towards the best interest of the child are mandatory. The immediate gratification of the parents to form a family unit needs to be delayed temporarily. This will help to promote a good long-term prognosis for the post-institutionalized child.