Communicating through short notes

It’s been widely encouraged for parents and children to communicate well with each other. But what if they just aren’t the talking type?

I’m inspired by one example from a friend of mine. She and her father are the quiet ones in the family. While perfectly articulate when in his corporate world, her father just couldn’t bring himself to talk to her. There was always hesitation from his end, she said. She mirrored this by not talking to him much either, though she did desperately want to build a bond with her father. She sensed he wanted to build a relationship with her too.

One evening, she left a note on his desk. “Dad, may I have money for a textbook I have to buy for class? Thanks. I love you.” The next morning, after her father had left for work, she approached his desk and found a note addressed to her. “Here’s the money. Good luck with class. I love you too.” As a hardly expressive duo, leaving short notes helped them open up little by little to each other without the awkwardness of confronting each other.

And so began an exchange of overnight notes and conversations. She would leave a note to tell him a little about her day. He would write a quick reply and tell him a little about his. “I made the debate team today, Daddy. I’m so happy!,” she wrote once. “I’m proud of you! Looking forward to watching your matches!,” he wrote back the next morning. They would continue to pass each other quietly in the hallway at home, but the exchanges of notes was enough for them to acknowledge that they were building a relationship they were both happy with.

Talking as a form of communication may be ideal, but perhaps it wasn’t the best fit for this father and daughter. Conversations in short notes was their own way of communicating with each other, and it was the best way for them to build a relationship all their own.

Image: Astrakoo