Communication in Marriage: Asking for what you want

Okay, so let me retell (as best as I can remember, and cut me some slack for my mom-brain, please) a story I heard/read/something a few years back. Might’ve been in Reader’s Digest or some such thing. Anyway…

The story goes that a couple had been married for many decades and it was their tradition that they would end each night with a bowl of bread pudding, or something similar. The husband would always prepare it, and he would always give his wife the portion that contained the ends, or heels, of the loaf of bread. For decades, the wife hated that her husband have her what she considered the worst part of the loaf, but would never ask him why he did it. She didn’t want to appear to be ungrateful and unappreciative of this tradition, so she remained quiet. For a long time. A long, long time. Until she just couldn’t stand it any longer.

After decades of receiving the heels of the bread, one night she just let go and shouted, “Why do you always give me the worst part of the bread?!? For years, I’ve never understood why you prepare the heels for me. I hate that part of the bread!”

And his reply?

“But I think the heels are the best part of the bread. It’s the part I love the most, and I thought you did, too. I was giving you what I thought was the best part.”

And, of course, this post is about communication. Being in a marriage for a long time does not mean that we automatically know exactly how the other person thinks/feels. We can’t blame our partner for feelings of being cheated if we’ve never communicated our likes/dislikes/preferences in different areas of our marriages. And letting things fester under the guise of “being nice” rarely ever ends well.

This is the person you’ve chosen to spend your life with. Communicate with them. Give them a fighting chance at treating you well. Then, if you’ve told them and they still ignore you? Well, that’s a topic for another post.