Contrary To Our Natural Desires

At the beginning of Step Four we found that “Creation gave us instincts for a purpose. Without them we wouldn’t be complete human beings.” Now, at the beginning of Step Five we’re told;

“All of A.A.’s Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires… they all deflate our egos. When it comes to ego deflation, few steps are harder to take than Five. But scarcely any Step is more necessary to longtime sobriety and peace of mind than this one.”

Today, I’d very much like to offer my thanks to Sean A. from L.A., who said this on a tape I listened to – (paraphrasing) “Some days I’m a shining image of Alcoholics Anonymous, some days I just don’t drink.” My state of mind this morning lends itself to simply just damn well not drinking today!

Why would that be? Okay Big Book Bob McG. – where are you? I can hear you now, “Aw, things aren’t going Mark’s way… sniff.” Miserable Ole’ Goat (wish I knew how you are, love ya’ and thanks to you too!)

Go against my natural instincts eh? Ego deflation huh? God is simply not delivering my demands in my time! You gotta problem with that?

Yeah, here’s a dose of reality to seriously consider (which is truly what I’d like to relate to y’all). I get angry. Wallah! That’s right, even after 17 years. And it all boils down to – ego!!!

I’m working at making changes and they’re not happening fast enough. Actually, they seem to not be happening at all, rather, they’re moving more in a backwards direction. I will not let life abuse me anymore!!! Unfortunately, I don’t know a balance between being passive or explosive about how to deal with it. How about you?

Maybe I need more ventilation…