Conversation Starters - Getting Your Kids To Talk

Getting kids to open up and tell you what is on their mind gets increasingly difficult, but even more important as they enter their teen years. So how do you do it? Here are a few of the things that work for me (for the time being).

Take advantage of the time you have in the car. For me, the other distractions, such as the computer, homework, chores, and TV, are not there. You have a captive audience.

Your child is never too old to be tucked in at night. I take a few minutes to sit and chat with each of my kids and answer those last minute questions before bed.

Cook together. I try to get my kids involved with making dinner at least one night a week. There is something about the kitchen and working together that always sparks a conversation.

Ask for the gossip. When I want to know what is going on around my kids, I ask them what the latest hot gossip is at school. (Yes, we have had the conversation about why you don’t spread gossip, too) For example, last week I found out about some budding relationships - “you know, SuzyQ is acting really funny around BillyB, so I think they must be going out now”. It can help give you some insight as to how your child feels about the hot issues.

Share stories of your tween/teen years. By telling your kids about the moments in school that made you cringe, smile, laugh, turn red with embarrassment, and how you dealt with it, you achieve two things at once. First, you let your kids know that they are not the only ones who feel the way they do, and you give them an opportunity to relate to you. For example, you child may think, I can tell Mom this, because she’ll understand - she made a mistake like that once, too.

Books like Conversations on the Go: Clever Questions to Keep Teens and Grown-Ups Talking and Table Talkers, pre-made questions for starting conversations, are also good. Write down some of the questions and put them in a bowl at mealtime. Take turns pulling out a question and answering it.

Now it’s your turn! What works for you? Do you have any guaranteed to get them going questions you can share?