Correcting someone else’s child
I know a couple of mom’s who have younger children ranging from 5 to 8 years of age. To be perfectly honest, they’re the kind of kids that help flush the parents social life right down the toilet! No one wants the kids around so they never ask the parents to do anything.
Family members cringe when they call to ask for a sitter so the parents can get a little break. I happen to be one of those who has Never offered to take care of the kids or offered to do favors simply because I do NOT want to be called on for that grueling task.
The last time the families came to visit us, I wound up with egg thrown all over the outside of my house (we raise poultry so we have our own eggs) while the other kid kicked, hit and giggled at my boys. We knew the hitting and kicking was coming and had prepared for it by my telling my boys to grab the kids arm or leg sternly and telling them to quit or they were going to ask the parents to leave and take them with them.
The mother became furious and yelled at my kids saying the child was only 5 and they shouldn’t be so mean to her.
The other parent made NO attempt whatsoever to help clean the egg off my door, window and siding. The parent apologized, but that was as far as any effort went.
I think it’s appalling that some parents think it’s ok for a 5 year old to hit, kick, spit and do nothing about it. This kid isn’t the product of a parent that spanks so where does the child get THIS behavior? Personally, I’d let her know damn good and well that if she’s going to hit and kick other people, I’m going to hit her back, on her behind and make it painful to sit for a few hours.
As for the kid who threw the egg? I’d have made mine clean it up with q-tips and a toothbrush – spic and span!
I wonder how many parents sit at home, never get invited anywhere and don’t even consider that it might be their kid that people don’t want to be around? And if they do realize that it’s the kids that others don’t want around, do they explain that to the kid in a way that would make the kid want to act better?
Following several comments from people who responded to my former post on spanking and who don’t understand that I’m not saying “spanking” occasionally is a good thing – but every day and as the only means of punishment is NOT. I’m not sure those people are capable of understanding moderation in anything – but it did get me thinking about the brats that came to my house and that aren’t invited back!
I hate that type of person, for one if your child is going to be disrespectful like that expect them to get corrected. I may not spank someone else’s child but I will sit them down in my house or tell the parents to leave. We recently had house guests and when things got to wild (mine are normally calm as they know I can’t stand rambunciousness) I said they were either going to sit on my couch or my kids would not be allowed to play with them. I even instructed them to read books, this was like torture for them.
I think your kids grabbing their legs was a good thing, unless of course it made huge marks. But this mom needs to learn to control her own kids. Your comment they don’t get spanked and I’m guessing never corrected which could be them acting out so that they do get the attention they want. Make sense?
Egg throwing, especially since you own poultry would’ve been the last straw for me. I’d give them a history lesson, make them clean it and have mom buy that egg. Even if it didn’t cost much, it was just wrong.
oops posted to soon. I think this is a family that nneds Jo. Where is Super Nanny this week?
Sounds like a mother who is not involved with her kids and doesn’t parent them. I think spanking has nothing to do with it. But I love how the spankers always say that that they rarely do it but yet they bring it up as the preferred method for other people’s kids every five minutes.
I love how people who believe purely in foo-foo punishment, who have kids other people can’t stand to be around, live in such a state of delusion too.
Isn’t there someplace else you could be psychoanalyzing?
Eliza, I’d love for Supernanny to visit that family – but the mom thinks her kids are perfect and are just being kids. It’s everyone else, including the teachers around them who have the problems.
If your kid is being a jerk at my house, I will tell them in the Voice of Doom to knock it off. If you get offended, you may cheerfully take your demon spawn and leave my premises, never to return.
I find that most kids I know who are completely ill behaved due to lack of discipline are usually so shocked that an adult would raise their voices to them that they do stop. There is a little wild child in my son’s cub scout troop who made my son cry by knocking him into walls twice. The first time, I assumed it was an accident. The second time I looked the little miscreant in the eyes and told him in no uncertain terms that he was not to hurt my son. Never had a problem since.
My son hits, kicks, screams, and throws things in the throws of a tantrum but would never do it just for the fun of it and I still won’t tolerate it. He knows he is not allowed to do it but can’t control the behavior so we have to control it for him.
I have, on occasion, told kids to behave when out in public because their parents would not. Kids bully AJ because he does not know how to react to them. I watch him like a hawk while other parents can be more lenient with their children.
At other people’s houses I always discipline him, clean up, and follow their rules, or at least try to.
Wow! I don’t think it is ok for my 15 month old to hit and kick, much less a 5 year old. Yes, kids will be kids, but that does not mean that you should not correct poor behavior and teach the child proper social interaction, which brings me to one of my pet peeves– the use of PLEASE and THANK YOU! My 15 month old will say/sign these two words (thank you was said for the first time this morning!!! Yeah!!!). Yes, I still need to prompt him most of the time, but starting manners and modeling good behavior now will improve the chances that later in life he will do these things automatically.
sorry for the rant. My personal policy with kids– if you are in my house, you follow my rules. And my son still must follow my rules at other people’s houses (if mine are more strict) or we will leave and the fun will end. Sucks, but that is the way it is.
I am not sure I’d be able to tell the parents to leave the house if their kids were throwing eggs about the place, but an angry or exasperated look would defintely be in order! I’ve found mothers do get the look of annoyance that you have when their kid is misbehaving. It’s worked in my case.
I never had a problem with constant never ending tantrums with my son, so I just can’t stand high decibel non stop noise from other people’s kids either.
@ Pickel – It’s understandable and far more easily tolerated when a condition is to blame aside from just being a spoiled brat.
Maria – I’m still prompting my teens sometimes – but it’s always nice to start very early. I think mine tend to get more sidetracked by cute girls now and sometimes forget their manners.
PSMama – I’m with you on the loud noises. Can’t stand them, don’t tolerate them and won’t. I wonder if that has anything to do with why we have so little company
I read posts here and a lot of other parent’s boards about people’s kid’s behavior, and I am surprised often at how many parents don’t have problems with their kids. I have 2 adorable (if I do say so myself), well-behaved children (ages 2 and 4). I teach them the lessons I hold valuable every day – manners, respect, etc.; however, sometimes, they have total amnesia about all of that! They get each other going, double-team me, don’t listen, laugh at me, embarrass the ever-loving crap out of me in public, and to a person who only gets that snapshot, they look awful! AND, they are probably talked about that day on a chat room as being total brats, but they aren’t! Some of us do all we can do have the child that everyone wants to be around, but they still act terrible at times. It’s part of the process of growing up for them.
I think every parent knows that kids will misbehave now and again – however, when a person comes to my house and their child does something as terrible as throwing eggs at my house or damaging my personal property, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to ask them to take their children home and not bring them back. In fact, if personal property is damaged, I believe the parents should have to compensate.
There was a kid that came to our house a while back and broke one of my kids brand new electronic games – my son hadn’t even had it a week and what’s worse is the kid tried to cover it up.
I called the kid – asked him to own up to what he’d done and the parents offer to pay for the repairs.
I believe that’s the way it should be handled.
Hi Gayla: I totally hear ya on that. I respect everything you said. This is one of those subjects I am always totally on the fence about. I’d hate to see woman isolate other woman because of the behaviors of little people who have yet to develop all the judgment and reason they need to act like they should all the time. We can be valuable resources to each other, and help each other through a lot of this kid stuff, but then if you are banishing the child, you banish the adult, and she is left w/o support and friendship. We all are only so responsible for the actions of our children. BUT, like you said, you don’t need to deal with that at your home. See: Me on Fence
Have a good one!
Parents do need to be held responsible, to some extent, for the actions of their children, particularly when they are small. If a parent is so totally oblivious and thoughtless that they let their kids throw eggs at a house (any house) then, I’m sorry, but they deserve to be isolated until they get a clue.
There is a woman in my community would is a very intelligent, thoughtful, well traveled person. But she is completely incapable of disciplining her kids. Because of this, I just cannot spend time with her when her kids are there. They are utter brats, mean to other children, and snotty to adults. I won’t expose my kids or myself to that – I’m not a masochist. And I feel bad for her, but she made her bed by not holding her kids to higher standards.
I beleive in parents being responsible for the actions of their children as well. After all, who teaches them? And if they are not taught proper behaviour, who’s to blame?
If ever I caught any kid throwing eggs at my house, I would have called the police. After all, if it were Hallowe’en and it were a group of teenagers, the same would apply, no? And THAT would teach both the children AND the parents.
I have sent kids home for repeated misbehaviour, and depending on how bad the deed was, banished them for extended periods. It’s all you can do as a parent, because if you let that kid do it, why wouldn’t your own kid do it?
Ha ha, I just realized I am spelling in Canadian. Too many u’s in behaviour. Forgive me?