Cougars – Okay or Offensive?
July 31, 2008 by Michelle Smith
Filed under Relationships
Maria Bello, 41, recently announced her engagement to Bryn Mooser, 28. The first mention I found of the engagement came under the heading, “Maria Bello Joins the Cougar Club – AOL News.” Hhmm, interesting, but I always find Maria Bello interesting. She’s smart, beautiful, talented, and chooses unique film roles. The fact that she’s now considered a Cougar, also interesting. Cougars, in case you are not familiar with the term, are women of a certain age, who prefer to date younger men. Women have been doing this since the beginning of time, it’s only recently that they gained the name, “Cougar.”
A few weeks ago, watched a segment on Cougars, presented by Kristen Schaal, on the Daily Show. It was clever and I found the over-the-top comments such as – I’m paraphrasing here – take her in the back and make out with her or she’ll never get to sleep tonight, funny. The “Cougar” was a woman in her 50s, lovely and well-coiffed. Schaal had her “assistant” place her on John Stewart’s lap and he was instructed to pet her. Stewart appeared very uncomfortable, part of the skit, of course. The idea was to demonstrate how inappropriate it was to label women. Okay, I get it.
Yes, labels aren’t great, but “Cougar” seems kind of flattering to me. Now something like The Saggy Baggy Elephant, that would be offensive. Cougars are sleek, beautiful, and dangerous. When I picture the animal, I see a cat that moves with grace and flair, on the prowl.
Labels, they are all around us. We label what we like best or least. We label things healthy or unhealthy. We label good or bad. Every company out there is trying to somehow fit within the label, green. Labels are just another way to organize things in our heads, our lives.
As labels go, I wouldn’t mind being considered a Cougar at all. My guy is younger than me, well one year, so perhaps I don’t fit the definition, but in the past I’ve gone out with guys more than 10 years younger.
What do you think about calling women “Cougars?” Are you offended by the term? I’m really interested in how other men and women view this current trend, so if you have an opinion, please leave me a comment.
I think it is better than some of the names I’ve heard woman called. It’s too bad a younger woman that dates an older man can’t be called something other than a Gold Digger.
It seems women always get stuck with the less than flattering characterizations — I suppose the equivalent for a man is a lech, but, for the most part, when people see older men and younger women it doesn’t seem so unusual although the woman is then a trophy or a gold-digger. We can’t win.
Thanks for commenting. Sorry it took me so long to respond – I kept getting an error message every time I tried yesterday. Very odd…..
A gold digger doesn’t bring to mind a very attractive image, does it? It makes me think of the Miner Forty-niner from Scoobie Doo or Stinky Pete from Toy Story 2. Neither young, neither female.
Thanks for commenting, Verna.
You know, while researching this column, I read an excerpt from an interview with a woman who wrote a guidebook or how-to for “cougars” and she said the same thing – there’s a double standard for men and women in this area.
Attraction, it’s one of those things that is not easy to explain.